Gents,
Need some advice on how to re-frame this one.
Classic, 6mo LTR, I did some AFC moves (talked about stupid feely AFC stuff) and her IL started to drop. I applied less contact, more challange, etc. I kept using DJ principles, some days her IL seemed higher and others not.
She always wanted to hang out and be together. She would either want to come over to my place or me to stay at hers. It became habit that we were spending alot of free time together. We dated but other times were bland, me watching tv, she surfing the web. There was a unspoken tension/boredom building. I was obviously to available but she always was insisting on hanging out together.
As her IL fell, so did our sex...classic AFC move I brought it up...wrong move. She mentioned that in both of her other LTR's she stopped having sex and has been cheated on numerous times. She also cheated on her last LTR. I am by no way a sex fiend but I do need sex in a relationship.
She is on prozac for depression and can be up and down sometimes.
A week ago she IM's me saying she needs a break. 2 mins later another IM, I am sorry, two mins later, I love you. I don't answer...I am torn up. 20 mins later she calls me crying and says she doesn't want to break up...we don't. I give her a AFC lecture on what she needs to do in her life.
After the IM breakup my confidence was crushed. While I wasn't acting a AFC my head was fvcked. I began to feel anxious, jealous, and didn't trust her. Every thought I had was consumed of what did she mean by that? why is she taking so long to text? etc. She knocked me completely off my natural self. Even though I cared for her, I couldn't take it anymore. I was going mad. Smiling and Dj'ing when she was around but depressed/obsessed when she was not. A fn'ing C.
Last night I called her, she answered "hello baby" and I told her it wasn't working out and I was going to come over to get my ****. She sounded destroyed and I didn't say a thing but I am sorry. I got there, few words were said she was crying. I had tears running down my face as I brought her **** inside, I left. She texted me back saying she was going to mail my Christmas present back, do not contact her. 10 mins later IM saying I want to disappear, I feel so horrible. I didn't answer any of them.
I have a wicked dream of her last night. I feel desperate AFC in the morning. I text her to get on chat. She says I caught her completely off guard and the only thing she thought was a problem was the sex thing. She says if it was about the sex thing to go fvck other girls. She felt as though she couldn't please me sexually and make me happy so that is why she sent the breakup IM.
I tell her that after the IM break up, I began to question or relationship and that she no longer loved me. Instead of allowing our relationship to grind into the dirt, I broke up with her.
I then act like a super AFC and say the breakup was a mistake and that I was sorry, I love her, and I am under alot of stress. I would like to work things out but I realized I hurt her and she may need time. I tell her I am not going to beg her to get back together and for her to not contact me because I still have feelings for her. I also say that I will cherish our memories and she will always have a place in my heart. I then say goodbye.
During the IM she didn't say much...I could tell she was hurt and angry. On a side note, before we chatted, I asked her to come over tonight to talk...she said she didn't even want to see me right now.
I didn't ask her to get back together but I left it open...I feel I gave the cards to her. This blows.
I do see where I went wrong. I know no contact is the way to go when getting dumped but I pulled the trigger. How should I handle the frame? Is no contact the way to go since I pulled the trigger? Should I let a couple days go by then contact?
What do I do if she texts me something simple like hey? What do I do if she calls me and wants to start to hang out? I realize my availability was an issue in the past.
On a side note...please keep this relevant to the frame play. I already hid her on my facebook, I am going out with the guys, hitting the gym, talking up women. I don't have issues moving on...I just want some advise on this frame and if it is even possible to get her back.
Fustrated half AFC/DON
Need some advice on how to re-frame this one.
Classic, 6mo LTR, I did some AFC moves (talked about stupid feely AFC stuff) and her IL started to drop. I applied less contact, more challange, etc. I kept using DJ principles, some days her IL seemed higher and others not.
She always wanted to hang out and be together. She would either want to come over to my place or me to stay at hers. It became habit that we were spending alot of free time together. We dated but other times were bland, me watching tv, she surfing the web. There was a unspoken tension/boredom building. I was obviously to available but she always was insisting on hanging out together.
As her IL fell, so did our sex...classic AFC move I brought it up...wrong move. She mentioned that in both of her other LTR's she stopped having sex and has been cheated on numerous times. She also cheated on her last LTR. I am by no way a sex fiend but I do need sex in a relationship.
She is on prozac for depression and can be up and down sometimes.
A week ago she IM's me saying she needs a break. 2 mins later another IM, I am sorry, two mins later, I love you. I don't answer...I am torn up. 20 mins later she calls me crying and says she doesn't want to break up...we don't. I give her a AFC lecture on what she needs to do in her life.
After the IM breakup my confidence was crushed. While I wasn't acting a AFC my head was fvcked. I began to feel anxious, jealous, and didn't trust her. Every thought I had was consumed of what did she mean by that? why is she taking so long to text? etc. She knocked me completely off my natural self. Even though I cared for her, I couldn't take it anymore. I was going mad. Smiling and Dj'ing when she was around but depressed/obsessed when she was not. A fn'ing C.
Last night I called her, she answered "hello baby" and I told her it wasn't working out and I was going to come over to get my ****. She sounded destroyed and I didn't say a thing but I am sorry. I got there, few words were said she was crying. I had tears running down my face as I brought her **** inside, I left. She texted me back saying she was going to mail my Christmas present back, do not contact her. 10 mins later IM saying I want to disappear, I feel so horrible. I didn't answer any of them.
I have a wicked dream of her last night. I feel desperate AFC in the morning. I text her to get on chat. She says I caught her completely off guard and the only thing she thought was a problem was the sex thing. She says if it was about the sex thing to go fvck other girls. She felt as though she couldn't please me sexually and make me happy so that is why she sent the breakup IM.
I tell her that after the IM break up, I began to question or relationship and that she no longer loved me. Instead of allowing our relationship to grind into the dirt, I broke up with her.
I then act like a super AFC and say the breakup was a mistake and that I was sorry, I love her, and I am under alot of stress. I would like to work things out but I realized I hurt her and she may need time. I tell her I am not going to beg her to get back together and for her to not contact me because I still have feelings for her. I also say that I will cherish our memories and she will always have a place in my heart. I then say goodbye.
During the IM she didn't say much...I could tell she was hurt and angry. On a side note, before we chatted, I asked her to come over tonight to talk...she said she didn't even want to see me right now.
I didn't ask her to get back together but I left it open...I feel I gave the cards to her. This blows.
I do see where I went wrong. I know no contact is the way to go when getting dumped but I pulled the trigger. How should I handle the frame? Is no contact the way to go since I pulled the trigger? Should I let a couple days go by then contact?
What do I do if she texts me something simple like hey? What do I do if she calls me and wants to start to hang out? I realize my availability was an issue in the past.
On a side note...please keep this relevant to the frame play. I already hid her on my facebook, I am going out with the guys, hitting the gym, talking up women. I don't have issues moving on...I just want some advise on this frame and if it is even possible to get her back.
Fustrated half AFC/DON