newbie with gf need help (long post)

[fanren]

hi bros,
before i get started on my trouble let me describe the situi a little. me(21) and my gf(20) have been going out for a little over a month. We goto a tech school where the ratio of guy to girls is 7 to 3. us two being pretty religious we dont intend to have sex before marry, although i want to settle for a groping and she wont even let that.

ok thanks if your reading, so heres a deal
I think i've been a good boyfriend, i make a lot of time and effort to hang out with her, give her little things and cook for her. but i always get the feeling im not being appreciated because shes not really affectionate with words. my friend say its because shes never had a bf before so she doesnt know how to treat guys. so we had a talk yesterday about things i dont like about her, and she took it as if i wanted it to end and said "sorry for wasting ur time you do deserve btter" my intention was never to end the relationship so i got pretty scared and just told her "no we can work it out"

but tonight after hanging out she started asking "if we break up would you promise to be friends with me". so that got me pretty freaked out, and i kept asking her whats wrong she just said shes confused, we almost ended it but managed to end it on a good note with her saying that we will go out later this week and talk more about it.

after i got back home i just felt like an idiot because i basicly left myself wide open and gave her all the control. i dunno what shes doing i mean i have doubts about the relationship too but what shes saying now is pretty strange

we both like each other a lot and i want to keep going with this. although sometimes we both have doubts and i feel as if i can be better off.

so guys what do you think i should act in the next feel days to maybe just seem more like a man and keep her

thanks for reading

 

[JonJack]

Actually, you should never tell the girl her faults. It basically tells the girl that there are things you don't find perfect about her and she'll start questioning why you're together with her then. If she asked you to tell her, then I'm totally for honesty. Cause if a girl wants to ask a question like that, I'm of the opinion that she should be ready to accept my honest opinion. If she can't, then she can go ahead and leave me if she wants to.

Either way, I believe the damage has been done. There's nothing much else you can say to really fix it. Best thing would be to hope that she gets over the whole thing. Tell her that her faults aren't serious ones. That you still love her in spite of them. Giver her time and space to absorb it all, maybe she might forgive and forget.

If you sincerely believe that in order for you two to stay together, she has to fix her flaws, then you shouldn't have gotten together with her in the first place. Never try and change a person. It's probably one of the worst insults you can give them.

 

[spider_007]

her not appreciating you gives you a hit about what's going on. In my opinion she was just waiting for someting better to come along. Usually women like that touchy feely "I love you SOOO much" sh1t, first boyfriend or not. When you told her all that stuff about her folts and all, you gave her a way out. Im also getting a hint from your post, that you might be a litle wussy.

Eather way I'll be a little hard to get her back. she needs to know you love her no metter what her folts are. You also need to spice up the relationship a bit, bring some exitement to it. Also, make sure she knows you are not going to be friends if you brake up (which is true, it's usually really hard)

good luck

 

[DrSoSuave]

Sounds like you don't have much of a girlfriend anymore because of the following.

1. Sex: Come on buddy, you live in America or Western world you gotta be a liar to think people actually hold out by the age of 21-25. Your girlfriend is also a liar too, but she won't admit it because she doesn't want to appear as a sl-ut.

2. You think you are a good boyfriend. BZZZT when guys say that they really aren't. Reeks Nice-Guydom.

3. Talking about things you don't like about her or having deep discussions early in the relationship is a relationship-killer. I know this as I and many other DJs have done this. This is considered the "Pandora's box."

Like what other other people have said, there's nothing you can fix - only thing you can do is let it slide and take it in slowly.

 

[fanren]

thanks for replies guys

to answer Dr, yea i'd be lying if i said i dont want to have sex, but thats kind of when self control comes in, but thats not really the point.

after thinkign about it i believe i was pretty insecure and i guess the "nice guy" junk really wont bag you any affection.
so last question: how should my attitude be towards this? both inside and outside

 

[flyinshark]

I am not sure if this would work in your situation, but it did work for me when i was in a similar situation before.

Me and my girlfriend started thinking about an eventual breakup, following a deep discussion about religion. I am actually the one who told her "i hope u find someone that will trully make u happy", which is similar to what your gf just told u. Anyway, i then suggested we do a temporary breakup (for a few days or a few weeks), the time to clear up our ideas.

This surprised her, as it's usually the girl that comes up with stuff like that. I also felt that it gave me an edge. Also, it might have acted as reverse psychology, i'm not sure, but after 1 day of "temporary breakup" she called me and told me she couldn't break up with me for real and we were back in each other's arms.

Again, not sure if this can work in all situations, but if u have no better suggestion, u might try this. Good luck pal!

 

[Kaine]

we both like each other a lot and i want to keep going with this. although sometimes we both have doubts and i feel as if i can be better off.

People tend to project way too much, just because you like someone a lot doesn't mean they do the same.

Look at her actions. What is she providing in the relationship, it's neither s3x or affection. So what is she good for?

At the moment she's just not into you. You need to stop been a nice guy and see if she bites or just dump her for good.


Kaine

 

[00Kevin]

just let it all pass and give it time. Women go from one mood to the other. In 2 weeks she won't remember anything. Women are like that.

Just keep cool about it. If you want to fool around with her then you just have to make a move. You don't ask a girl for it! lol. Sit alone with her and start to feel her up . She won't resist you because she wants the same thing.

Just have some fun with this girl and don't get too attached to her.

I would caution you however, she does sound a little selfish.

Ask her to cook you something. And start from there again

 

[DJDamage]

You said you been going out for over a month? and you call her your girlfriend?? ISN"T THAT SWEET!! So in two months you two will celebrate the 3 month anniversary??!! COME ON MAN! you two are no BF/GF!, you two are just dating and it didn't work out simple!, she has Low IL in you and she isn't even letting you touch her goodies and you are putting all your effort in and I quate: " i make a lot of time and effort to hang out with her, give her little things and cook for her" - The more you try to impress her the more she will run the other direction, you are already showing her your cards that you are a needy supplicating person and she doesn't want that. Sorry buddy but I am thinking that she soon will dump your ass because you are not being a man enough and she is the one that seems to be playing that role.

Your 21 why would you want a girl who clearly states that she won't sleep until marriage???!! you are too young to think about marriage! In this age you should be trying to date/bang as many chicks as you can so you can gain the experience and then you would know for sure what kind of a woman you will marry someday.