Hey guys,
I'm Scott. Just registered on the forum after reading some of the DJ bible and some of the articles on the site. I wanted to introduce myself because I'm betting I'll be asking lots of questions. I'm 22 years old, currently finishing my last semester of undergrad, and then it's off to medical school. College has been a major bust for me with regard to my sex life, and now that I'm in my last semester and will probably never see any of these people again, I'm viewing the rest of my time as a nothing-to-lose opportunity to try something different. Being the nice guy hasn't worked at all, but my instincts and intuition are what they are, and so until recently I haven't been willing to abandon the "just be yourself" strategy.
I had my first serious girlfriend senior year of high school. We both lost our virginity to each other, and dated for two and a half years, most of which was a long-distance relationship since we both attended different colleges. I made the thousand mile round trip every few weeks, and the two of us talked on the phone every day. I thought everything was perfect, and the two of us openly talked about our plans to some day be married. (I'll stop here to point out that I know now how naive I was back then.) Anyway, she dumped me during the spring of 2010 and I was devastated. It was ugly; I had planned to spend my spring break with her at her school, and I brought some way-too-expensive earrings as a gift for some particular milestone or occasion which I can no longer recall. She was set to study abroad the next semester, so at the end of my stay I was to transport some of her dorm furnishings in my car back to our hometown to help her out. To cut to the chase, I noticed some suspect bruising on the backs of her thighs, and things seemed off. She sent me home with the cargo days earlier than we had planned, telling me that she had tons of work to do. After I left, she stopped taking my calls and responding to texts. Two days later I dropped off her things at her mother's house and went to visit another friend at a different college for his birthday. That night, while I was hanging out with him, she called me and broke up with me. Needless to say, it broke me. I had been invested 100%. After that, I dated a crazy, needy, clingy alcoholic chick who tried to kill herself repeatedly and blamed it on me. She had serious, debilitating psychological problems, and after I'd had enough, I sent her to rehab and broke up with her.
I haven't dated anyone seriously since then. I've stumbled into the occasional one night stand, but mostly through no fault of my own. (It's been maybe three or four one night stands in the last two years.) When I walk around on campus, I try to make eye contact with the girls but mostly they ignore me and pretend I'm not there. The school culture revolves around a pretty rigid social hierarchy built on the fraternity and sorority system, and I'm not in a fraternity, which I have found severely limits my options when it comes to girls. I should mention that I'm not in fantastic shape (6'2", 180lbs, a little bit of a gut but you can't tell unless my shirt's off), but I'm on my second go through of P90X and soon my body should look pretty good. I suppose I don't know if I'm a good looking guy in general, but I know I'm not ugly, and I know there are way uglier and way less fit guys getting laid way more than me. Looks are not the issue, confidence is. I must be doing something wrong with way I approach girls. I don't think I make my intentions clear enough from the get-go, because I seem to end up with a lot of female friends rather than girlfriends or hookups. I'm very tired of playing surrogate boyfriend, listening to the problems of girls I'm not having sex with. I guess one issue for me is that what I think I want is a relationship, not one-night-stands, so I always try to be friendly and nice instead of assertive and dominant. That said, if I started having a lot of success with one night stands, maybe relationships would lose their appeal. It's all wrapped up in the confidence issue, and unfortunately I don't feel all that confident. Intellectually and consciously, I know I have pretty much everything in my favor -- I'm smart and funny, about to head to med school and start making bank, I'm a decent looking dude, and I have loads of hobbies and interests, and am in general one of the more interesting guys around. I don't feel that way, though, despite that I know it. My lack of confidence is also compounded by another issue -- I'm now experiencing premature ejaculation, which has never been a problem for me before, when I was in a relationship and having sex more regularly. You can see how tough that makes things -- I already don't have much success picking up women, and when I finally do bring one home, I now have to be unsure of my ability to satisfy her.
Anyway, I'm here to try to change all of that. I'll try pretty much anything, so anything you guys out there can tell me would be great. I've started reading the DJ Bible, one article at a time, although I should mention that you guys use a lot of acronyms that I don't know. Is there a listing of all of those?
Thanks,
-mscard
I'm Scott. Just registered on the forum after reading some of the DJ bible and some of the articles on the site. I wanted to introduce myself because I'm betting I'll be asking lots of questions. I'm 22 years old, currently finishing my last semester of undergrad, and then it's off to medical school. College has been a major bust for me with regard to my sex life, and now that I'm in my last semester and will probably never see any of these people again, I'm viewing the rest of my time as a nothing-to-lose opportunity to try something different. Being the nice guy hasn't worked at all, but my instincts and intuition are what they are, and so until recently I haven't been willing to abandon the "just be yourself" strategy.
I had my first serious girlfriend senior year of high school. We both lost our virginity to each other, and dated for two and a half years, most of which was a long-distance relationship since we both attended different colleges. I made the thousand mile round trip every few weeks, and the two of us talked on the phone every day. I thought everything was perfect, and the two of us openly talked about our plans to some day be married. (I'll stop here to point out that I know now how naive I was back then.) Anyway, she dumped me during the spring of 2010 and I was devastated. It was ugly; I had planned to spend my spring break with her at her school, and I brought some way-too-expensive earrings as a gift for some particular milestone or occasion which I can no longer recall. She was set to study abroad the next semester, so at the end of my stay I was to transport some of her dorm furnishings in my car back to our hometown to help her out. To cut to the chase, I noticed some suspect bruising on the backs of her thighs, and things seemed off. She sent me home with the cargo days earlier than we had planned, telling me that she had tons of work to do. After I left, she stopped taking my calls and responding to texts. Two days later I dropped off her things at her mother's house and went to visit another friend at a different college for his birthday. That night, while I was hanging out with him, she called me and broke up with me. Needless to say, it broke me. I had been invested 100%. After that, I dated a crazy, needy, clingy alcoholic chick who tried to kill herself repeatedly and blamed it on me. She had serious, debilitating psychological problems, and after I'd had enough, I sent her to rehab and broke up with her.
I haven't dated anyone seriously since then. I've stumbled into the occasional one night stand, but mostly through no fault of my own. (It's been maybe three or four one night stands in the last two years.) When I walk around on campus, I try to make eye contact with the girls but mostly they ignore me and pretend I'm not there. The school culture revolves around a pretty rigid social hierarchy built on the fraternity and sorority system, and I'm not in a fraternity, which I have found severely limits my options when it comes to girls. I should mention that I'm not in fantastic shape (6'2", 180lbs, a little bit of a gut but you can't tell unless my shirt's off), but I'm on my second go through of P90X and soon my body should look pretty good. I suppose I don't know if I'm a good looking guy in general, but I know I'm not ugly, and I know there are way uglier and way less fit guys getting laid way more than me. Looks are not the issue, confidence is. I must be doing something wrong with way I approach girls. I don't think I make my intentions clear enough from the get-go, because I seem to end up with a lot of female friends rather than girlfriends or hookups. I'm very tired of playing surrogate boyfriend, listening to the problems of girls I'm not having sex with. I guess one issue for me is that what I think I want is a relationship, not one-night-stands, so I always try to be friendly and nice instead of assertive and dominant. That said, if I started having a lot of success with one night stands, maybe relationships would lose their appeal. It's all wrapped up in the confidence issue, and unfortunately I don't feel all that confident. Intellectually and consciously, I know I have pretty much everything in my favor -- I'm smart and funny, about to head to med school and start making bank, I'm a decent looking dude, and I have loads of hobbies and interests, and am in general one of the more interesting guys around. I don't feel that way, though, despite that I know it. My lack of confidence is also compounded by another issue -- I'm now experiencing premature ejaculation, which has never been a problem for me before, when I was in a relationship and having sex more regularly. You can see how tough that makes things -- I already don't have much success picking up women, and when I finally do bring one home, I now have to be unsure of my ability to satisfy her.
Anyway, I'm here to try to change all of that. I'll try pretty much anything, so anything you guys out there can tell me would be great. I've started reading the DJ Bible, one article at a time, although I should mention that you guys use a lot of acronyms that I don't know. Is there a listing of all of those?
Thanks,
-mscard
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