New Here, with a New Question

[Mr. Cardio]

Hey guys, I am kinda of new here and I kinda have a little stranger situation, I am kind of confused about the whole thing, and I was seeing what you guys might think.

So I just turned 22, I am working in a Merchant Solution company selling to small businesses and about to graduate college in December. I workout out great, 28.5 inch waist! But, those are some of my good qualities.

Most girls would say I am a jerk, well, because I play with them alot and dont really take them seriously. I mean, not really in a goofy matter, but I think it would be more closer to you guys ****y and funny definition.

Its like I have a natural joy around people, and I looked this up, and I think I would be defined as being very charismatic and some might even say arrogant.

But the swing is this, I dont have any friends. The lack of support and friendship has made me stronger, I mean, I still go to clubs alone and I am the life of the entire party, and I would usually leave with some girls. But isnt this strange though?

The close friends I thought I had, I dont really and never really thought they were really my friends anyway, just somethin deep inside of me was saying that. But the problem is, I dont think that I will ever get that kind of friendship, which, in all honestly, I have been really wanting all my life. My dad was not there, my mother and sisters were the closest, but only as mother and sisters, not really deeply intergrated in my life. Do you know what I mean?

This scares the hell outta me guys! I mean, I am strong and confident in myself and to be honest, hell, I walk alone, and I know alot of guys cant say that. But, I m scared because having a lot of money and a lot of success without no real friends or real love, I mean, is it worth it? I like being a jerk, if that is what you would call it, I dont say it as jerk behavior, I just like to have fun. I hope you guys can understand what I am sayin, sorry for the long narrative, peace.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

Just to add, since this is a gettin women forum, let me include that, with women, I believe that my behavior turns them on, but I have never had a real relationship, and secretly, that is what I really want. I mean, getting a lot of booty is fine, but to be honest, all I really want is something real. Is this impossible to find? And remember guys, some of you might answer that I should just get in the field, but let me assure you, I m always in the field. I dunno, maybe I dont know how to talk to a girl for a serious relationship, I dunno, help me out fellows.

 

[IRONMAN22]

thats **** scares me man, I know that every human being needs loving friendships, try and build some, its hard to believe that you party without any friends, to be honest man, you freak me out no joke.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

IRONMAN, it is so crazy, I am always motivated, always full of joy, and I swear to you, I go to clubs alone on Fridays and Saturdays and I dance with just about every girl on the dance floor, I talk to just about every girl I see, I am totally open and maintain a great party vibe and I get a girl to come back to a motel with me. Dont ask me how I can be so motivated and happy with no friends whatsoever, but, I dunno.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

Sheelzer, haha, you re gonna think I m shyting you on this one, but I do that too! I notice that at clubs, most guys are just standing around looking clueless and holding onto their drinks as if their life depended on it, and when a girl walks by, they just stare, but me, I run up to her and pull her on the dance floor. And its funny, because I always try to get the club a little hyper too. Man, why guys dont wanna hang out with me beats me, well then again, it really doesnt bother me unless I allow it. How can I be so happy and content without any friends? Is this normal?

 

[IRONMAN22]

must be one-of-a-kind mr cardio, congrats I guess

 

[Kitsune]

Usually, the basis for building friendships, and espectially good friendships is some sort of a common interest. Good friendships usually build up from a time where the both of you are in similar environments. Thus, friendships from college usually last throughout life.

However, not everyone has the luxury of that, mainly due to geographical problems. So therefore you will have to meet new people in an environment you're comfortable with, and you can express yourself. So join clubs and societies, there's plenty of social and sports clubs around, once you become part of their community, then social gatherings won't be a problem and you'll find yourself making friends fast.

It also sounds like you're in denial, and possibly having commitment problems. So I would suggest that you throw yourself head first into something you're totally dedicated with. Hey, what's the worst that could happen?

 

[Jariel]

I just have to point out that charisma and arrogance are almost polar opposites.

Charisma is mainly about making others feel good about themselves, whereas arrogance is more about making yourself look good to others.

People generally want friends who make them feel good, who they can relate to and enjoy talking to. If you keep this in mind, try going into conversations with the focus on the other person. Ask them little questions about themselves, show interest in them, encourage them where possible. Don't go kissing anyone's a$$, but try not to hog the limelight so much (I picked up from your post that you do this and this may be your problem).

As for where to meet people - try joining any kind of social activity, sports club or a part time college course. When you see the same people on a regular basis, it's easy to get to know them and start a friendship.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

Okay Jariel I get it, so its kind of like, I come off as being arrogrant because its kind of like I am trying to get all the attention, and that causes people to sort of envy me, or I shouldnt say envy but, they may say, Who does he think he is? But I dunno, your charisma definition is right on, and I find myself doing that though, but then again, it could come off as arrogrance. Well, let me ask you. Since we are at the don juan forum, should I try to, I dunno, I mean, what do I supposed to do? You know in the past, I have had a lot of failed friendships too, and I think it was because of this, but I guess my question is, why does my natural glow or natural spotlight, cause others to envy me? I mean, its not like I am meaning to do it? I mean, do you see where I m comin from. But i think you re right though, I am just confused.

 

[pimpfromdayone]

You ever heard of a "powerful loner"? In case you haven't, it is a guy who likes to be isolated from others because it makes him feel poweful. It is not an arrogant person at all, it is just someone who doesn't feel a need to be social because deep inside he doesn't really want to be. It also has a lot to do with how he thinks others perceive him. Let me explain: when you fill this role of being a loner and others look at you, a real successful guy, they wonder what in the world is going on, and in your case since you get a lot of girls, you probably DO look rather powerful to them, and subconsciously, you know this. You might tell yourself you want to have friends and relationships, but in reality, it is YOU that is preventing yourself from doing this. You are not alone though man, I struggle with this problem too. A pimp can have trouble with forcing himself to be social, and the saying is true, "it is lonely at the top." I could get a lot of friends, and I'm sure a lot of people would love to be my friend, but I just don't actively seek friendships with anyone. You know, I bet a lot of guys are just intimidated by you because you're so successful..... a lot of hotshot guys don't like being around a guy who is actually better than them. It is true that MOST people could NEVER get girls without friends, and if you are a mackdaddy without them, I say screw friends, you don't need them, but it sounds like you need to work on getting a real relationship going with a girl. For most people, having no friends is a major problem when it comes to meeting girls, because they just can't go at it alone, but for others, like yourself and me, well, we can, so don't worry about it. You'll get friends man, it is inevitable that you'll get at least ONE sometime, maybe not a really good one like you want (they are actually kinda rare), but somebody. Don't stress over this, just be natural and work on being more social, but don't force friendships.

 

[Kitsune]

I think I can answer that question. In a male enviroment the whole idea is competition, I mean, even animals do it all the time. If you were a normal guy, I think you would be a little jealous if the guy next to you got all the attention and made you feel slightly insignificant.

As men we are fatalistic to the sin of Pride, we always aim to seek the attention of others, to be admired and to be appraised.

 

[skeeloo]

its better you start cold approaching men.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by Mr. Cardio
Okay Jariel I get it, so its kind of like, I come off as being arrogrant because its kind of like I am trying to get all the attention, and that causes people to sort of envy me, or I shouldnt say envy but, they may say, Who does he think he is? But I dunno, your charisma definition is right on, and I find myself doing that though, but then again, it could come off as arrogrance. Well, let me ask you. Since we are at the don juan forum, should I try to, I dunno, I mean, what do I supposed to do? You know in the past, I have had a lot of failed friendships too, and I think it was because of this, but I guess my question is, why does my natural glow or natural spotlight, cause others to envy me? I mean, its not like I am meaning to do it? I mean, do you see where I m comin from. But i think you re right though, I am just confused.

Yes, if you can back it up, it can make people (especially other guys) feel insecure and they can envy you for it.

Also, if you have this natural spotlight some people may feel they can't get close to you or connect with you on a personal level. They may feel like they are on the sidelines while you are centre of attention.

I noticed this with one of my mates. He's a great guy, very funny, very friendly, but when we're in a group he takes over. It's like he's the entertainment and we're the audience just watching and listening. He is a fun guy to have around sometimes, but not someone who people can connect to as a friend.

I think it would do you good to try being a bit quieter when you meet people and just see how it goes. It might take a while to adjust, but keep trying to find the balance.

 

[Mr. Cardio]

Thanks guys for all the replies, some of you I agree totally, then some I agree slightly. I believe that I am very different than a lot of people. I was the only child growing up so I learned how to entertain myself without others. Now, when I go out, or when I get around people for that matter, there is this little thing in me, that makes me feel like I have to be a leader or I have to encourage them.

I mean, I am always motivated, and happy, without really a good damn reason, and I feel as though I should give that to others when I be aroudn them. So, that makes me naturally want to be a funny guy, want to entertain, or just liven the mood, not really in a desparate be my friend kind of way, just because that is what I like to do. But I guess, its hard for me to find another person just like me. And as one guy said in a reply, I guess i could get some friends, but....if they are not really like me, then I kind of feel, like I am being left out. Okay, let me explain that, because I know that sounded stupid.

But when I am alone, I go out and I feel I have to motivate everyone else. But when I am in a group, I feel as though some of that power is kind of taken away, and I kind of feel uncomfortable or that I MUST do something. I mean, do you guys understand? This is even when I hang out with girls too, its like, I dunno if its a center of attention thing, but its kinda of like, I dont wanna be held down in a group. I wanna be in a group thats up like me. Like, I m always up, and if I get in a group thats also up, but dont include me in their up, then I feel left out. Because when I m up, I seek to include everybody.

Does this make sense? Overall, I am always and really naturally up and motivated, and I seek to include everybody in that. But its like when I get in a group, and their up, they dont really try to include me as much, and i guess I take offense to that and I guess thats way i walk alone. But my question is, where do I find people like me, that when I m up, I try to include everybody? Kind of like, a motivator or lifter of everybody in the room, not just my group or the ones I know? Thats where my charisma definition came into play from earlier...sorry to bother you guys with this nonsense, but it was just a little observation. Oh yeah, I want my girlfriend to be like that too, but i can only find girls to sleep with not really grow with.

 

[Blatant truth]

Originally posted by pimpfromdayone
You ever heard of a "powerful loner"? In case you haven't, it is a guy who likes to be isolated from others because it makes him feel poweful. It is not an arrogant person at all, it is just someone who doesn't feel a need to be social because deep inside he doesn't really want to be. It also has a lot to do with how he thinks others perceive him. Let me explain: when you fill this role of being a loner and others look at you, a real successful guy, they wonder what in the world is going on, and in your case since you get a lot of girls, you probably DO look rather powerful to them, and subconsciously, you know this. You might tell yourself you want to have friends and relationships, but in reality, it is YOU that is preventing yourself from doing this. You are not alone though man, I struggle with this problem too. A pimp can have trouble with forcing himself to be social, and the saying is true, "it is lonely at the top." I could get a lot of friends, and I'm sure a lot of people would love to be my friend, but I just don't actively seek friendships with anyone. You know, I bet a lot of guys are just intimidated by you because you're so successful..... a lot of hotshot guys don't like being around a guy who is actually better than them. It is true that MOST people could NEVER get girls without friends, and if you are a mackdaddy without them, I say screw friends, you don't need them, but it sounds like you need to work on getting a real relationship going with a girl. For most people, having no friends is a major problem when it comes to meeting girls, because they just can't go at it alone, but for others, like yourself and me, well, we can, so don't worry about it. You'll get friends man, it is inevitable that you'll get at least ONE sometime, maybe not a really good one like you want (they are actually kinda rare), but somebody. Don't stress over this, just be natural and work on being more social, but don't force friendships.

You just described me to a T.

"Powerful loner", has a nice ring to it.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Hey Cardio,

There is a test of personality types called the "Myers-Brigg." It is basically two classifications, and one of them is introvert/extrovert. You, like me, are an introvert. (But taking the test might give you more insights http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp )

I was also an only child and do not care much for the company of most people. pimpfromday1's statement that "most guys could not get girls w/o friends" really hits home, as it is an issue for me.