Need your opinion guys, would you be pissed?

[whowhat]

Would you guys be pissed?

Ok, here is the story, met a girl around 2 years ago, fell in love and was just married about 3 months ago. I thought everything was perfect. A little background, around 1 year or so ago we decided to come clean about everything in our pasts because of some issues we both had. We both promised each other over and over that we had told each other everything about our history, I mean everything. If we were getting married its only right that each other should know. I told her some things I wasnt proud of but felt it was only right I tell her everything. Nothing I told her though had any thing to do with her, it was just stuff in my past.

Ok, now on to the present. I just found out that my wife before we knew each other had in her words "hung out" with a certain guy. Basically this means that they dated and she said they slept together around 20 or 25 times. Now normally this would be no big deal right? I mean we all have had relationships in the past. Here is the kicker though, it turns out that this guy is her best friends brother who I have spent a lot of time hanging out with at parties, weddings, bars...things like that!!!! So basically it means that this whole time everyone knew about this relationship but me!!! He was probably laughing his ass off at me inside knowing he had f%$ed my fiancee and later my wife. That means my wifes best friend knew, her other brothers, EVERYONE!!

Now, its bad enough that she slept with her best friends brother, but then she let me make an ass of myself for the last two years in front of all of them....AND, she continued to lie about it all after we had had many talks about being honest and everything and that we had told each other everything!! I feel like I have been stabbed in the heart...I cant believe she knew this all this time and let me go on like a total fool. Am I wrong to feel upset about this? What are you your opinions? Thanks

 

[Mack Bishop]

what happened happened. maybe he got to **** her before you (so what big deal) but she must be wifey material, you wifed her, so be proud of that. just make sure shes not spendin time around this guy.

edit- maybe you should move, too.

 

[whowhat]

Ya, but...

Ok, what happened happened. But dont you get it...she lied to me over and over by saying that she had told me everything in her past and let me hang out with this guy and I was totally in the dark that he had f^%$$%ed her!!! Imagine if the situation was reversed and she was hanging out with some girl I had nailed a bunch of times and never told her....please. I thought we knew everything about each other after we had promised and made our pact with each other, just goes to show you can never trust anyone but yourself.

 

[Mack Bishop]

so what the **** do you want me to do dude, tell you to divorce your wife over this petty ****?

you married the ***** theres no turning back now so play it off just dont let the dude carry you

 

[McKindley]

The whole game's different now that you're married. It is kind of crappy, I'll give you that. But what are you going to do? Divorce her?

Just let her know that you're pissed about it. Let her know you feel betrayed that you let her know everything and she was holding back. Ask her why she was holding off this peice.

After that, get over it. It sucks, but this shouldn't be a deal breaker. She probably didn't tell you because she was afraid you wouldn't want to marry her if you knew.

 

[whowhat]

Yep

Im sure that is it, but that doesnt make me feel any better about someone who I thought I knew everything about and could trust completely. Just because we are married now am I supossed to let her do whatever she wants with no consequences? And then when I think of this guy she always says is such a great, nice guy boning my wife...well, I think you can see why i am a little upset!

 

[Mack Bishop]

yea but the fact reamains there is nothing you can do to make it go away so youre better off moving on

 

[PocoDiablo]

You may as well be upset that she used to eat meat but now you are vegitarians. So everyone knew? What can you going to do about it now to change it? NOTHING.

So, while I feel for you, and it does suck, you brought this on yourself for no good reason and have now caused a rift. You need to think about the present and the future. (I was not quite clear on yuor story, but if your wife is STILL cheating on you now, then yes I would be pissed AND *I* would divorce her on the spot.)

However, you need to realize that your past is your past. Bringing it up was foolhardy at best, stupid at worst, and you got what you deserved. (Have you learned your lesson? Let sleeping dogs lie - IMO.) Your past should have nothing to do with your future, but now you have blinded yourself with something that you have absolutely no control over.

If it's done with then forgive her, forgive yourself and forgive your *incredible* stupidity, and remember why you married her.

 

[whowhat]

WTF? I dont think you guys are getting it

Yes, I am upset that she slept with a guy who I know and have hung out with and didnt tell me.......BUTTT I am more upset that she has continued to LIE about it when we had a longgg talk about a year ago where we supposedly came clean with everything. Believe me, do you think I wanted to tell her some of the stuff I did? NO, but I did. And she swore up and down that she told me everything as well knowing full well that she had not. My god, I just spent time with the guy a couple of weekends ago at a wedding and had no idea that he had boned my wife. Would that not make you guys a little upset if you found out?

 

[whowhat]

And Poco??

How did I exactly bring this on myself???? What the heck did I do that brought this on??

 

[JohnJones]

I was in this situation when I was younger, and it pissed me off a lot, but for once I try to see it from her perspective:

she was properly dating the guy, so there's no skank issue.

she meets you and knows, as everyone should, that rolling out with stories about who you did, in what room, etc., whether for the fun of telling such stories or to clear up "issues" (which you mention but don't explain) is never a good idea.

Maybe she should have handled it differently, but she was not trying to make a fool of you. She just didn't handle it the right way.

Its up to you whether you've been fooled. I agree with your sentiment, but it's not that big a deal.

 

[PocoDiablo]

Re: And Poco??

Originally posted by whowhat
Poco, How did I exactly bring this on myself???? What the heck did I do that brought this on??

I just found out that my wife before we knew each other had in her words "hung out" with a certain guy.

You brought up the issue of something she did before she met you. This is BEYOND your control or her control.

Who'd she marry? That should sum it up!!!

Seriously man, you are making a mountain out of a molehill, and I think it has everything to do with your insecurity. She made her choice. If she is cheating with him, that's another issue altogether, but you have not indicated anything of the sort, so relax!