Need your moral support to help me keep my distance...

[UnderTheRadar]

This is my first post. It will be a long read, but I am sure there are some choice mistakes I've made along the way that you'll get a good laugh at. So laugh away, and then hit me with some advice at the end.

This isn't your typical PUA scenario, but I think I need to employ some PUA technique (or head game) in order to move forward, or just move on.

I met a girl online. She's in a crappy relationship and so am I. We instantly connected with a lot of things in common. She's a bit of a player, so I knew what I was getting into. Its not something I was super comfortable with because I knew ahead of time she'd be in a power position, but I'm always game for a challenge.

We transitioned to texting and things got pretty intense pretty quickly. I met her at the local Irish pub for happy hour and the chemistry was pretty instant. We wound up making out a bit in the parking lot before we left.

The following Friday, we made plans to go out together. Here is where I think I got jacked up in the head: it was amazing. Dinner, movie, your typical Friday night fare. However, I'd never had a date quite like this. Overall much more intense than anything else I've ever had before. She was into me and I was into her. I think I fell prey to her wiles right then and there.

We wound up parking for a while before I took her back to her car. She got topless and we played for a while. My car isn't the biggest, so she made the comment "buddy, you're definitely getting lucky next time..." and indicated we'd definitely not be stuck in the car.

So, now I'm all jacked up and excited. And that's when the hammer falls a bit. The next day, the text game isn't there. I'm feeling neglected and probably start to come off as a bit needy. Again, my PUA game is not charged up (hasn't been for a while) so I'm not aware of what I'm doing and how it might be coming off for her.

I realize I'm probably getting to intense too quick, but its hard to stop. I turn on the sweetness to 10, but I'm getting things like "Sweet!" and "Cute!" in return, no real responses with depth. Still, we text everyday.

However, she never really uses my name. Its always babe, sweetheart, or some other kind of name. I'm wondering if she's just hitting copy+paste to a bunch of other guys.

We start to get more personal and she shares some of the issues she's going through. Here is where I probably make a drastic mistake: I start to offer her help with non-romantic stuff. Almost like trying to be her rescuer and hope she'll like me more. I think it kinda backfires. She says she's appreciative, but never takes me up on the offers. I think she's feeling weird about me trying to help, and I start to feel weird myself. Still, its hard not to want to help this girl.

What I notice over time is that I text her way more than she texts me. Its usually 70/30, with her only really putting in effort on the issues that are bugging her. However, my longer messages are sometimes ignored altogether and its bugging me hard.

One time recently, I text her some nice things about how she deserves better. She responds "I am not looking for my next husband tho. I just want a little excitement. Someone to spoil me with affection and gifts...I like u tho alot. I'm just scared to like you too much because of my situation..."

I asked her WTF that means. She replies with some details "I'm so confused because I have D (her HS boyfriend from long ago, current FB) saying he loves me. You and I r getting close. Then another guy is really into me and makes me feel good. And I'm stuck here with an ******* and feel trapt..."

I told her I don't want her to feel trapped, and she pulls this on me "I don't talk/text/message with all of them everyday, its sporadic. You and D I talk to each day, that's it. If you want to back off I understand, but we will probably fade apart if that happens."

So I get scared like a total AFC.

And then I respond that I don't want to fade apart from her. I want more of that feeling that we had together. And because I enjoy a challenge, I think I can prevail over these other dudes. So, I persist. And continue to be the doormat.

She always pulls stuff at the last minute. On Tuesday she writes that she is busy all day. However, at 3 PM she writes "Wanna meet up? I'm gonna have no kids til 5." Of course, I can't get free and tell her. She teases "Just thought u should know that I will be alone for a couple hours...I love to tease."

Later that night, I try to chat her up. Didn't go anywhere, she rapidly concludes "I don't feel good right now. Feel sick. Going to sleep now. Good night"

Now I'm really pissed. She offers to see me on her schedule, but then when I try to chat her up she's unavailable. She knows I'm out of town in SF for a few days, but makes no effort to chat. Then, this morning I'm driving to SF and she texts "Good morning, sunshine "

Having read over the PUA posts over the last few days, I decide to employ a five day no contact plan. I almost made it, and then recently pulled a AFC move and text that I'm back. I'm such a dumbass...

I'm tired of the mixed messages she's sending, the lack of effort getting back to me, the last minute requests that ultimately don't work out, and everything on her terms. I know she's getting her ego stroked by other guys, and I'm not wanting to feel like a stooge that's being taken advantage of. However, she was clear where her head was--and maybe its me that's making the mistake by getting too intense too quick.

Advice on next steps? Is this someone I should step back from? Are we in two different places in life? Should I see what five days of no contact/no texting will do? When we're together, I genuinely feel chemistry and I think she does, too. Its all the other time that everything sucks. Maybe I should step back for that alone.

But I've never felt like this with anyone else before. So, I'm torn.

Help me, all you master PUA and DJ's. Am I being a chump? Am I being too impatient and should chill out?

I'm all ears...

 

[The_Crack]

You're being a chump. You yourself said that you're the doormat. Does anyone really want to be a doormat?

Go no contact. Just cut it all off. Do not initiate anything with her, and when she texts you or call you be very brief. If on the phone talk for like a minute and say you gotta go. Don't be rude, just be polite but to the point. If you're rude it makes you seem bitter for what shes done.. You have to be indifferent and act like it's not a big deal. Don't give in.. You have to be ready to let her go completely. Make the decision, and trust me it is for the better.

Its going to be hard dude, you have the oneitis hard and we have all been there. It sucks, and it hurts to keep away from her and you crave that feeling you get when your with her but do you want to be treated like a piece of **** forever? Yeah you feel that awesome chemistry and "love can conquer all obstacles" but there are plenty of girls JUST like her around. You just gotta look..
Take your mind off her and do something where you can't think of her. I play COD when i start thinking of my oneitis to much haha just a brainless exercise that keeps me occupied where i don't have to think to much. If you have nothing else to occupy your time you are bound to keep thinking of her.
Indulge yourself in your hobbies but most importantly go meet other women. Hit it up with your bros, go to clubs, go to bars, go to the local cafe and just scout other women, talk to other women. Just have fun, let loose, life isn't meant to be a drama!
Your oneitis will soon hear about you with other women, hear about you having a good time and having fun with life, and she'll think back to the good times you used to have and beg you to take her back! But you won't.. cause you will have ten other women of better and higher quality to chose from..

Remember, you're the King Barracuda and theres always plenty of tuna

 

[UnderTheRadar]

Crack,

You were right. I looked up "oneitis" and that was it on the nose. I can't believe I let myself get there, but I'm nipping this s*** in the bud right now.

We're at two different places. I'm pulling my s*** together now and I told her how I felt and that I'm going to back away. She's a great girl, but at a totally different spot and I don't want to have anything forced or contrived. I'm not going to be one of the guys in a pack of dudes chasing her down because she likes the attention. If she's not ready, that's fine and I told her goodbye.

You're right: no one wants to be a doormat. Can't believe I waited this long to do this, but its no contact now. The hardest part is that she looks like Denise Richards prettier sister... I'm putting that aside though--no lady is worth it no matter what kind of "10" she looks like. I'm going to keep the faith with what you said that there are a bunch of other girls JUST like her around.

Thanks brother.

UTR

 

[UnderTheRadar]

Quick update--I texted her goodbye, as in a solid "its over" kind of goodbye. She wrote back "I never meant to hurt u. I'm sorry."

Its hard, but I'm not responding. Keep me strong, bros.

UTR

 

[The_Crack]

Good work man.. trust me, it is for the better.

Go out and have fun, find other women, have relationships, enjoy yourself and don't look back.