Hello all,
I need to get something off my chest about last night, and the way I've been living in general.
I got myself (and my best) friend into an embarrassing situation yesterday, and that let me to overthink many things.
I approach these two girls in a bar and we talk for like 10 minutes. I couldsay that we are vibing, but the interaction could have gone better. Me and my friend go upstairs to the dance floor and the girls say they'll meet us there. The use the bathroom and stuff, and we wait for them on the second level. They come up and we begin to talk again. But the convo is not flowing very well, and she giggles and says "you're so quiet". Right away that shook me because to me that was a diss and an insult. Next thing I see is two guys coming up to them that they supposedly knew. I did not want to give up (stubborn and pointless I know) and approached the group, introducing myself to the guys, looking them in the eyes/giving firm handshake to see how dominant they are, or if I would see any sign of weakness in either of them. Next I kinda tried to box one of them out to physically isolate the girl, but she flinched and stepped aside and started making out with the guy. This put me in the rage mode, and I yelled at my friend something along the lines of "we're getting the **** out of here" and went downstairs. flipped one of my chairs over on my way to the door, at which point was jumped on and headlocked by a bouncer, and a couple of other bouncers and cops jumped in and threw me out.
That was the particular story, now I'd like to talk how this relates to more general things. My friend was scolding me saying, Vlad, stop trying to be something you are not, sticking your chest out, seeming "hard", "alpha", a-game, dominance, all that BS. Just be you. Quit flexing and puffing yourself up and looking like a robot.
As I was driving home, I thought back at instances within the last year or two, because I heard such things before from multiple people. One of my other friends like a year and a half told me, Vlad, you would get so many girls if you just chill, and "just BE". He said, girls like confidence, not forced confidence. that I should not always be obsessed with being right, being macho, being the smartest, etc.
A stripper who I was hanging out with last year told me that I'm too serious and one of the most aggressive people she's met, saying I could beat someone up if they stepped on my shoe.She told me that "I look at you, and I see you are a good boy, but you want to be a bad boy."
Do you guys see the same recurring theme in these things?
By the way, even my parents have been saying similar things, that I am not naturally a egotistic narcisist who thinks he is higher than everyone. That I am actually a normal guy and that's good enough.
This morning I talked to my mom, explaining everything to her. starting from the fact that maybe these issues go back to the childhood. She said that something went through her mind.. and that totally opened my eyes. Lately I've had a notion in my subconscious mind that I NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO EVERYONE. She said that sure, when you were a kid, when you came to this USA, you had to stand up for yourself to show that you are not stupid, not weak, etc.
But now, she said that I must understand that I no longer must PROVE anything to anyone. Everything automatically clicked, and when I was driving to the gym this morning, I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders. I felt free. I realized that almost all my actions were through the lens of "how would others see me? Would they make fun of me? Would they respec me? Would they be convinced that I am an alpha male or not"?
Now all the pieces are coming together, and I am getting a whole new outlook on life. Suggestions and questions welcome.
I talked to my mom when I got home last night. and
I need to get something off my chest about last night, and the way I've been living in general.
I got myself (and my best) friend into an embarrassing situation yesterday, and that let me to overthink many things.
I approach these two girls in a bar and we talk for like 10 minutes. I couldsay that we are vibing, but the interaction could have gone better. Me and my friend go upstairs to the dance floor and the girls say they'll meet us there. The use the bathroom and stuff, and we wait for them on the second level. They come up and we begin to talk again. But the convo is not flowing very well, and she giggles and says "you're so quiet". Right away that shook me because to me that was a diss and an insult. Next thing I see is two guys coming up to them that they supposedly knew. I did not want to give up (stubborn and pointless I know) and approached the group, introducing myself to the guys, looking them in the eyes/giving firm handshake to see how dominant they are, or if I would see any sign of weakness in either of them. Next I kinda tried to box one of them out to physically isolate the girl, but she flinched and stepped aside and started making out with the guy. This put me in the rage mode, and I yelled at my friend something along the lines of "we're getting the **** out of here" and went downstairs. flipped one of my chairs over on my way to the door, at which point was jumped on and headlocked by a bouncer, and a couple of other bouncers and cops jumped in and threw me out.
That was the particular story, now I'd like to talk how this relates to more general things. My friend was scolding me saying, Vlad, stop trying to be something you are not, sticking your chest out, seeming "hard", "alpha", a-game, dominance, all that BS. Just be you. Quit flexing and puffing yourself up and looking like a robot.
As I was driving home, I thought back at instances within the last year or two, because I heard such things before from multiple people. One of my other friends like a year and a half told me, Vlad, you would get so many girls if you just chill, and "just BE". He said, girls like confidence, not forced confidence. that I should not always be obsessed with being right, being macho, being the smartest, etc.
A stripper who I was hanging out with last year told me that I'm too serious and one of the most aggressive people she's met, saying I could beat someone up if they stepped on my shoe.She told me that "I look at you, and I see you are a good boy, but you want to be a bad boy."
Do you guys see the same recurring theme in these things?
By the way, even my parents have been saying similar things, that I am not naturally a egotistic narcisist who thinks he is higher than everyone. That I am actually a normal guy and that's good enough.
This morning I talked to my mom, explaining everything to her. starting from the fact that maybe these issues go back to the childhood. She said that something went through her mind.. and that totally opened my eyes. Lately I've had a notion in my subconscious mind that I NEED TO PROVE SOMETHING TO EVERYONE. She said that sure, when you were a kid, when you came to this USA, you had to stand up for yourself to show that you are not stupid, not weak, etc.
But now, she said that I must understand that I no longer must PROVE anything to anyone. Everything automatically clicked, and when I was driving to the gym this morning, I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders. I felt free. I realized that almost all my actions were through the lens of "how would others see me? Would they make fun of me? Would they respec me? Would they be convinced that I am an alpha male or not"?
Now all the pieces are coming together, and I am getting a whole new outlook on life. Suggestions and questions welcome.
I talked to my mom when I got home last night. and