Hey everyone, I've been reading the threads here for quite some time but have never needed a reason to post until now, and was needing some advice for a situation I have. I cant say I'm a DJ, though I do hold my own. Thanks to everyone in advance for reading and responding to this.
Anyway, I have known this girl for a few years or so, but up until recently we have always just been casual friends, although when we did see each other we would flirt a little and could each feel an attraction. Then about a month ago we saw each other at a party and started to talk about things and the attraction each one has for one another. I started to make some moves, and although she was hesitant at first, we ended up sleeping together that night. We both said we just wanted to keep things casual and see where things lead, which was ok by me at first.
Since then I have seen her about once a week, and we have had sex everytime , sometimes more than once, and just have a very good time together whether we go to the bars, see a movie, or just hang out. We can talk for hours and laugh and laugh.
Now, I can see myself starting to have some pretty strong feelings for her. Didnt really want to, but I cant change the way I feel. Heres where my problem is. First, she just got out of a relationship not too long ago, and the one time we ended up talking about our relationship, she said not to pressure her, which I think i've done a pretty god job in not doing. And I sense that while shes not ever wanting to get back with her ex (she broke up with him for a number of reasons) i can still sense some lingering feelings. For example the other night somehow he got brought up and she said she was starting to feel upset about it. Plus, one time when I was over he apparently stopped by late at night, and the last time I was over I went out to my car in the morning and found my car had been spray painted (it came off). This after the ex had seen us going into a bar earlier that night (he works there). So obviosuly there are still some kind of feelings there either good or bad I cant tell yet, but hes sure not happy about me seeing her. Which of course is drama i dont need.
And a couple of other things. We havent talked on the phone at all except to just make dates, and same with email. But it does seem as though I am the one initiating doing all of that as far as calling goes. In fact I dont know if she has ever "just called me"
Dont get me wrong, I can tell the girl is really into me, you can just tell when you're with someone if they dig you or not. And like I said we have had sex everyime weve been together, often more times than once, and have discussed having a relationship.
But I can FOR SURE feel that right now at least she has the upper hand in the relationship as far as control. Not by much, but enough for me to feel uncomfortable as I usually am the one in charge of things. How this has happened I'm not entirely sure but its there.
SO I guess my main question is what can I do to put me in charge of things, so that I feel she is the one that feels that urge to get together, and to possibly start a LTR. Right now I feel like she just wants to hang out and see what happens, and is under no pressure to take things further in the near term.
I was thinking of doing the pullback. Ya know, not call or email to get together for a couple of weeks, and if/when she called to say I'm busy. In other words make her think that Im not totally available and put some pressure on her to come AFTER ME.
Anyways, I apologize for the length and appreciate any advice you can offer.
Anyway, I have known this girl for a few years or so, but up until recently we have always just been casual friends, although when we did see each other we would flirt a little and could each feel an attraction. Then about a month ago we saw each other at a party and started to talk about things and the attraction each one has for one another. I started to make some moves, and although she was hesitant at first, we ended up sleeping together that night. We both said we just wanted to keep things casual and see where things lead, which was ok by me at first.
Since then I have seen her about once a week, and we have had sex everytime , sometimes more than once, and just have a very good time together whether we go to the bars, see a movie, or just hang out. We can talk for hours and laugh and laugh.
Now, I can see myself starting to have some pretty strong feelings for her. Didnt really want to, but I cant change the way I feel. Heres where my problem is. First, she just got out of a relationship not too long ago, and the one time we ended up talking about our relationship, she said not to pressure her, which I think i've done a pretty god job in not doing. And I sense that while shes not ever wanting to get back with her ex (she broke up with him for a number of reasons) i can still sense some lingering feelings. For example the other night somehow he got brought up and she said she was starting to feel upset about it. Plus, one time when I was over he apparently stopped by late at night, and the last time I was over I went out to my car in the morning and found my car had been spray painted (it came off). This after the ex had seen us going into a bar earlier that night (he works there). So obviosuly there are still some kind of feelings there either good or bad I cant tell yet, but hes sure not happy about me seeing her. Which of course is drama i dont need.
And a couple of other things. We havent talked on the phone at all except to just make dates, and same with email. But it does seem as though I am the one initiating doing all of that as far as calling goes. In fact I dont know if she has ever "just called me"
Dont get me wrong, I can tell the girl is really into me, you can just tell when you're with someone if they dig you or not. And like I said we have had sex everyime weve been together, often more times than once, and have discussed having a relationship.
But I can FOR SURE feel that right now at least she has the upper hand in the relationship as far as control. Not by much, but enough for me to feel uncomfortable as I usually am the one in charge of things. How this has happened I'm not entirely sure but its there.
SO I guess my main question is what can I do to put me in charge of things, so that I feel she is the one that feels that urge to get together, and to possibly start a LTR. Right now I feel like she just wants to hang out and see what happens, and is under no pressure to take things further in the near term.
I was thinking of doing the pullback. Ya know, not call or email to get together for a couple of weeks, and if/when she called to say I'm busy. In other words make her think that Im not totally available and put some pressure on her to come AFTER ME.
Anyways, I apologize for the length and appreciate any advice you can offer.
. Hell the other day we had sex 3 times from 3 am to when I left around 9 am or so. Thats not the problem. I think now i want more, and am wondering what my best course of action is to get that. Thanks in advance.