Need advice on insecurity and how to handle situations

[Fobous]

dating this girl, non exclusively for 2 weeks. No sex yet, 2 dates due to busy schedule. But both dates she’s been all over me with big ioi’s. She asked me not to talk to other girls, and I told her that’s reserved for when we are exclusive and that she can talk to whoever she wants too.

We were supposed to meet up last night, but I had to reschedule and asked her to hang out the next day due to late night business. She is kind of a suspicious person, and ended up giving me a random call, and I couldn’t pick up. (We normally text each other to make sure we’re free before calling) I assumed she is trying to check up on me to see if I’m out with another girl.

I called her back 20 mins later (phone picks up then hangs up right away) no other response. Texted her to let me know if she’s ok. She replied that she was in the shower and that’s why she missed the call and that everything is good she just wanted to say hi.

this is where the insecurity kicked in- if she was in the shower how did she pick up the phone then hang up? Sounds more like after she called me, she probably worried Im out with another girl, and decided to call another guy.

I texted her back 30 mins later and asked what she was up to and got no reply around midnight (she usually stays up past 1am)

The insecurity got worse, and I tried my best to not seem needy but at the same wanted her to know that I’m cool if she’s talking to other people.

So I sent her this, which after waking up I regretted and should have just not said anything at all:

“Hope your comfortable enough to bring up anything that bugs you or you feel unsure about. We’re not exclusive, and as much as we may not like it, we can’t expect each other not to be talking to other people.

I may want to go cut his head off, but at this stage, only if you asked me too

I care about your feelings, you just have to bring it up. I’d expect the same too. “
Anyways, look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Goodnight

I really don’t like that I sent that. It could have been worse, but this is not the frame I had been portraying and shows weakness. I just couldn’t at the time get past my insecurity that she was talking to another guy and that’s why went no response, and lied about the shower.

plan is to play it cool, and wait to see if she responds to that message, tho I doubt it. If I don’t hear a response by 2pm. I’ll pretend like I never sent that message, go back to my dominant/alpha frame, and arrange the date.

My question is, how do you guys deal with moments of insecurity? I usually don’t feel that way, it’s taken a lot of effort to get to this level, but there are times where I slip and do stupid **** like this.

 

[lamath]

You are doing all the wrong thing

Her being insecure is good for you.
You being insecure is very very bad, dont call or txt her that often.
That insecurity is going to screw up things for you get rid of it or hide it.

 

[SoSuave666]

Don't text her again. That's a painfully beta text for 2 dates and no sex. Get more options.

 

[Fobous]

Appreciate the feedback.

I’m trying to build abundance, have two other girls Hb7 who ****s on the regular and hb10 I recently started gaming. But I thought if you don’t actually have abundance yet, then you are supposed to fake it.

I feel like I gotta get better at not letting it show, even if it bothers me - since I don’t really have that kind of abundance yet.

Yesterday I only started texting her at 7pm. I ****ed up bcuz I thought if she thinks I’m out with other girls, she’s going to lose interest/get upset. From the replies, I guess that would have been a good thing, or at least better than this beta text I sent.

So how do I fix this situation? Don’t text her at all? Not even to follow up on tonights date?

We planned a weekend getaway, and already planned for me to pick her up on Saturday...

How do I rectify this. I’m going to force my self to completely ignore any kind of insecure feelings about any other guys. I’ll adjust my mindset, **** it. If she can do better than me, then more power to her, I’m really ****ing successful and don’t need her- just wanted her.

 

[lamath]

Appreciate the feedback.

I’m trying to build abundance, have two other girls Hb7 who ****s on the regular and hb10 I recently started gaming. But I thought if you don’t actually have abundance yet, then you are supposed to fake it.

I feel like I gotta get better at not letting it show, even if it bothers me - since I don’t really have that kind of abundance yet.

Yesterday I only started texting her at 7pm. I ****ed up bcuz I thought if she thinks I’m out with other girls, she’s going to lose interest/get upset. From the replies, I guess that would have been a good thing, or at least better than this beta text I sent.

So how do I fix this situation? Don’t text her at all? Not even to follow up on tonights date?

We planned a weekend getaway, and already planned for me to pick her up on Saturday...

How do I rectify this. I’m going to force my self to completely ignore any kind of insecure feelings about any other guys. I’ll adjust my mindset, **** it. If she can do better than me, then more power to her, I’m really ****ing successful and don’t need her- just wanted her.

Just dont act needy or desperate.

 

[sosousage]

dating this girl, non exclusively for 2 weeks. No sex yet, 2 dates due to busy schedule. But both dates she’s been all over me with big ioi’s. She asked me not to talk to other girls, and I told her that’s reserved for when we are exclusive and that she can talk to whoever she wants too.

We were supposed to meet up last night, but I had to reschedule and asked her to hang out the next day due to late night business. She is kind of a suspicious person, and ended up giving me a random call, and I couldn’t pick up. (We normally text each other to make sure we’re free before calling) I assumed she is trying to check up on me to see if I’m out with another girl.

I called her back 20 mins later (phone picks up then hangs up right away) no other response. Texted her to let me know if she’s ok. She replied that she was in the shower and that’s why she missed the call and that everything is good she just wanted to say hi.

this is where the insecurity kicked in- if she was in the shower how did she pick up the phone then hang up? Sounds more like after she called me, she probably worried Im out with another girl, and decided to call another guy.

I texted her back 30 mins later and asked what she was up to and got no reply around midnight (she usually stays up past 1am)

The insecurity got worse, and I tried my best to not seem needy but at the same wanted her to know that I’m cool if she’s talking to other people.

So I sent her this, which after waking up I regretted and should have just not said anything at all:

“Hope your comfortable enough to bring up anything that bugs you or you feel unsure about. We’re not exclusive, and as much as we may not like it, we can’t expect each other not to be talking to other people.

I may want to go cut his head off, but at this stage, only if you asked me too

I care about your feelings, you just have to bring it up. I’d expect the same too. “
Anyways, look forward to seeing you tomorrow, Goodnight

I really don’t like that I sent that. It could have been worse, but this is not the frame I had been portraying and shows weakness. I just couldn’t at the time get past my insecurity that she was talking to another guy and that’s why went no response, and lied about the shower.

plan is to play it cool, and wait to see if she responds to that message, tho I doubt it. If I don’t hear a response by 2pm. I’ll pretend like I never sent that message, go back to my dominant/alpha frame, and arrange the date.

My question is, how do you guys deal with moments of insecurity? I usually don’t feel that way, it’s taken a lot of effort to get to this level, but there are times where I slip and do stupid **** like this.

stopped reading here:
this is where the insecurity kicked in- if she was in the shower how did she pick up the phone then hang up? Sounds more like after she called me, she probably worried Im out with another girl, and decided to call another guy.

thats her game

regardless if she cheated on u or not,

that 'call then pick up then lie' was planned.


just be cool about everything and make her think shes not important to u

 

[Fobous]

There are some things you can fake to some extent. Confidence for example. In the process of faking confidence, you might actually get an outcome that can build up your real confidence.

But abundance you cannot fake. Yes, there are some pluses to abundance; something that leads a woman to think you have options and so forth, but there is a down side to it as well, which is, women can play that same game. A woman does not need to fake abundance. All she has to do is open her legs.

This is where your insecurity comes from. Deep down you know she can win that game if you're faking it. This forces you to kind of hold back, hoping you only get the benefits of abundance without going too far and getting burned in the end.

You cant do that. There is no room for fear and loss in a true abundance mentality. You have to go all in with it. The only way to go all in is to make it real.

That’s hit the nail on the head. It’s deep, but something I need to develop and work on.

 

[Alvafe]

Appreciate the feedback.

I’m trying to build abundance, have two other girls Hb7 who ****s on the regular and hb10 I recently started gaming. But I thought if you don’t actually have abundance yet, then you are supposed to fake it.

I feel like I gotta get better at not letting it show, even if it bothers me - since I don’t really have that kind of abundance yet.

Yesterday I only started texting her at 7pm. I ****ed up bcuz I thought if she thinks I’m out with other girls, she’s going to lose interest/get upset. From the replies, I guess that would have been a good thing, or at least better than this beta text I sent.

So how do I fix this situation? Don’t text her at all? Not even to follow up on tonights date?

We planned a weekend getaway, and already planned for me to pick her up on Saturday...

How do I rectify this. I’m going to force my self to completely ignore any kind of insecure feelings about any other guys. I’ll adjust my mindset, **** it. If she can do better than me, then more power to her, I’m really ****ing successful and don’t need her- just wanted her.

the fake till you made can work if you are good at it, certainly you are not

you need to put this in your mind, if she flake, she is replaced, you can always find a woman who will want you, if you find some who don't, hey some people do have bad taste so move on

you have a finite resource, your time, how you spend it, its up to you, just make sure the way you spend it is worthy, for you and only you

 

[Fobous]

stopped reading here:
this is where the insecurity kicked in- if she was in the shower how did she pick up the phone then hang up? Sounds more like after she called me, she probably worried Im out with another girl, and decided to call another guy.

thats her game

regardless if she cheated on u or not,

that 'call then pick up then lie' was planned.


just be cool about everything and make her think shes not important to u

That’s crazy manipulative, but sounds about right. If I make her feel like she’s not important to me, then that means don’t text her and don’t follow up trying to plan the date tonight?

Or can I still play it cool and follow through with arranging the date?

Thinking I could send her a text at 6pm:
“Be ready 8pm, got a surprise for us”

 

[sosousage]

That’s crazy manipulative, but sounds about right. If I make her feel like she’s not important to me, then that means don’t text her and don’t follow up trying to plan the date tonight?

Or can I still play it cool and follow through with arranging the date?

Thinking I could send her a text at 6pm:
“Be ready 8pm, got a surprise for us”

be more spontanous, dont overthink anything, and just care less about her

let her arrange the dates

 

[lamath]

There are some things you can fake to some extent. Confidence for example. In the process of faking confidence, you might actually get an outcome that can build up your real confidence.

But abundance you cannot fake. Yes, there are some pluses to abundance; something that leads a woman to think you have options and so forth, but there is a down side to it as well, which is, women can play that same game. A woman does not need to fake abundance. All she has to do is open her legs.

Dont want to highjack the thread but id like to pick your mind on this a little bit.


This might actualy help OP because i think he is devlopping a oneitis.

Right now i got a 3 prospect nothing concrete yet and in my opinion they are a hb7, hb 8 and a hb 8.5
The one thats the most interested in me is the hb8, but for some reason the one i want to hook up the most is the hb7.
Devloping a oneitis maybe? or maybe because know her a little bit more?



I feel like abundance is a mindset, knowing that even if a women reject you, plenty more of the same caliber are interested.Do you really need plates?

Am i right thinking that a Oneitis completely destroy the abundance mindset, i remember when i was younger having a oneitis on a Ex she was prob a HB 6, but in my mind almost all higher smv women where lower than her and i was not interested.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

You are doing all the wrong thing

Her being insecure is good for you.
You being insecure is very very bad, dont call or txt her that often.
That insecurity is going to screw up things for you get rid of it or hide it.

+1

@ op, #nextSet

 

[lamath]

I don't think it's oneitus. Any man with options will develop his preferences and exorcize them. Nothing wrong with that, IMO, so long as he knows he can have any one of his options.




This has to be confirmed to really be effective. You can tell yourself all day and all night that you can get other women, but if you're getting rejected without actually building up legitimate options, you're not going to believe this for very long. This mindset will just weaken and eventually break.

Do you HAVE to spin plates? Not necessarily, or at least not constantly all of the time. But you should be able to reject willing women even if you aren't. Having options doesn't mean you have to follow through on any of them. But they should be there. Be real. Not just something that you tell yourself.



As far as I'm concerned, oneitus is just when you're so focused on one woman that you begin to sell yourself short in hopes of getting with or keeping a woman; a man who is not willing to walk away when he should, cannot say "no" when he should, will not establish boundaries when he should, etc.

Thanks this make sense and is well explained.

For some women its sometime very hard to say no, just got to use our head.

 

[Atom Smasher]

There are some things you can fake to some extent. Confidence for example. In the process of faking confidence, you might actually get an outcome that can build up your real confidence.

But abundance you cannot fake. Yes, there are some pluses to abundance; something that leads a woman to think you have options and so forth, but there is a down side to it as well, which is, women can play that same game. A woman does not need to fake abundance. All she has to do is open her legs.

This is where your insecurity comes from. Deep down you know she can win that game if you're faking it. This forces you to kind of hold back, hoping you only get the benefits of abundance without going too far and getting burned in the end.

You cant do that. There is no room for fear and loss in a true abundance mentality. You have to go all in with it. The only way to go all in is to make it real.

Good stuff here. Guys, read it again and absorb it.

The way I hacked the dilemma of lack of abundance was to learn to talk to both men and women all day long... reaching out to strangers in a friendly way that entertained me. I started seeing more smiles and friendliness from many women, and that built up my confidence and opened up the possibility in my mind of developing abundance.

The most important thing I ever figured out for myself is that in interactions with women, I am the energy source. I am the actor, and she is the reactor. I had started to realize that one of my biggest problems was that in every interaction, it was me who fed off her energy, instead of vice versa. When a woman talked to me, I could feel myself changing and somehow molding myself to her energy or "tuning" myself into a receiver of her energy, hence making me reactive to her and what she thought of me. I could always intuit this but could never really figure out what was actually going on.

About 10 years ago I was able to define the dynamic and to start to change it. To this day I can naturally fall into the old comfortable reactive habit, but I simply recognize it and hit my internal reset button now and I immediately straighten myself out.

When you become the provider of the energy source in your interactions, your whole world changes and you become visible to a much higher quality of woman. Don't be a passive radio, receiving and playing back the energy you receive. Be the originator of the energy and affect others around you in a fun, friendly way. If you make a habit of being aware of the directional flow of energy, you can make deep changes to your core beliefs about yourself. I think of it like "relationship thermodynamics". The transfer of energy in the physical realm fascinates me (hence my screen name), but now I'm leveraging the transfer of relational energy and experiencing abundance and confidence.

As usual, my contribution has gone beyond scope a little but I thought it might be helpful to some.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Good stuff here. Guys, read it again and absorb it.

The way I hacked the dilemma of lack of abundance was to learn to talk to both men and women all day long... reaching out to strangers in a friendly way that entertained me. I started seeing more smiles and friendliness from many women, and that built up my confidence and opened up the possibility in my mind of developing abundance.

The most important thing I ever figured out for myself is that in interactions with women, I am the energy source. I am the actor, and she is the reactor. I had started to realize that one of my biggest problems was that in every interaction, it was me who fed off her energy, instead of vice versa. When a woman talked to me, I could feel myself changing and somehow molding myself to her energy or "tuning" myself into a receiver of her energy, hence making me reactive to her and what she thought of me. I could always intuit this but could never really figure out what was actually going on.

About 10 years ago I was able to define the dynamic and to start to change it. To this day I can naturally fall into the old comfortable reactive habit, but I simply recognize it and hit my internal reset button now and I immediately straighten myself out.

When you become the provider of the energy source in your interactions, your whole world changes and you become visible to a much higher quality of woman. Don't be a passive radio, receiving and playing back the energy you receive. Be the originator of the energy and affect others around you in a fun, friendly way. If you make a habit of being aware of the directional flow of energy, you can make deep changes to your core beliefs about yourself. I think of it like "relationship thermodynamics". The transfer of energy in the physical realm fascinates me (hence my screen name), but now I'm leveraging the transfer of relational energy and experiencing abundance and confidence.

As usual, my contribution has gone beyond scope a little but I thought it might be helpful to some.

So an overabundance of poor energy or her using you for energy or poor attention doesnt degrade your energy?

 

[Atom Smasher]

I don't really understand your question.

I don't know what "poor energy" is. I'm really saying that the flow of power should travel from you outward. You should be the initiator, the one who sets frame, the one who guides any given interaction.

In the past I would always be the one responding to other forces (personalities) around me. Now I take responsibility for my interactions, providing fun, positive experiences for me first and then others, and of course that always leaves open the choice to relax and enjoy the energy of someone else. But that's by my own choice and not my default mode.

 

[Fobous]

Update -

She wants me to explain that text. How the **** do I explain that?!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I don't really understand your question.

I don't know what "poor energy" is. I'm really saying that the flow of power should travel from you outward. You should be the initiator, the one who sets frame, the one who guides any given interaction.

In the past I would always be the one responding to other forces (personalities) around me. Now I take responsibility for my interactions, providing fun, positive experiences for me first and then others, and of course that always leaves open the choice to relax and enjoy the energy of someone else. But that's by my own choice and not my default mode.

"Poor energy" was energy where the drive and motivation was degraded. It gets degraded by basing your esteem on external factors and external validation. "Good energy" requires no external stimulous and is strong and focused. Not requiring alot of effort.

 

[backseatjuan]

Problem is twofold, firstly you developed an emotional attachment to her, second you did not have sex with her.

Both are bad, she sees you already as beta and is playing your ass around. If you don’t fvck her soon she will ditch you for better options. Don’t let her play you around. She’s fvcking with you, and you did nothing wrong, you were doing your work thing. In a situation like this I would ignore or send her a pic from the place I’m at unless it’s inappropriate.