Need advice lads

[Stretch89]

Howdy All! Come across this website after a simple google search. Am really keen to get around you guys and hopefully be able to improve myself.

I am in a bit of a conundrum at the moment and I want some advice.

Bit of background information first: I work in a popular nightclub as a security guard. Have been working there for about 6 months now, About 2 weeks into the job I notice a tall, incredible looking babe about 21 - 22 years old. I was really drawn to her because of her height (she is almost 6'3) and I am 6'7 in my shoes. Nothing attracts me more than a sexy tall girl.

Turns out she is a regular and comes in every two weeks.

Anyway, we chat casually for a few months, she is really friendly and cool - She is perfect in other words. I am nice to her without being a complete softcock, showing her than I am assertive and believe in myself but not a massive douche like a lot of security guards are.

Fastfoward a few months and I add her on facebook. I try to chat with her but get no response, try again and still nothing.

One of my fellow security workers is also friends with her and he let it slip one night that I have got the hots for her. Her response was that I am 'like a brother to her'.

I understand the situation and I know I am ****ed. I just want to know what I could have done differently?

Also, over time what improvements/changes can I do to try and make her see me in a different light?

I am an okay looking 24 year old male. Fit, with a bit of muslce on me, always dress well in suit at work and well groomed. Also play basketball semi - professionally. I would rate her a 10/10 and I know she gets asked out all the time, so I would definately be punching above my weight anway.

I cant put my finger on what I did to turn her off so any advice would be appreciated. :cheer:

 

[papawapa]

Did you ever tease her?

Did you ever make it clear you were interested in her sexually or were you always just a nice guy?

 

[Desdinova]

I just want to know what I could have done differently?

Here's where your mistake is:

Anyway, we chat casually for a few months

By chatting with her for a few months without making any kind of sexual advances, you have firmly placed yourself into the friend zone.

Also, over time what improvements/changes can I do to try and make her see me in a different light?

Next to impossible. Forget about her and move on.

 

[Stretch89]

Didnt get much of an opportunity to tease her, it was only 2-3 minute conversations because I had to return to my job duties.

I dont think I made it clear I was interested in her sexually. I am at work and kind of have to be professional, but yes I was nice to her, but not too nice.

 

[Stretch89]

Here's where your mistake is:



By chatting with her for a few months without making any kind of sexual advances, you have firmly placed yourself into the friend zone.



Next to impossible. Forget about her and move on.

Damm, can you elabrate on how chatting for a few months was a bad thing? I am a bit hesitant to make a sexual advance a) Because I am at work. b) I dont want to come off as a sleaze/creep.

 

[Greasy Pig]

I think you definitely should've been more assertive.
You're a bouncer man! I've seen the ugliest douchebag bouncers tapping the hottest tail in the bathroom of the club.
I know you say you want to be professional, but you being nice to her without escalating is exactly what every other chump out there is doing with every hot woman in the world.
Read the DJ Bible and research negging. It's an art form and it keeps you out of the friend zone.

Do you see her going home with guys from the club? If not, that's good but you'll have to still stick to some basic rules to pique her interest.
You have a lot to learn and fortunately you've come to the right place. Stick around. And please read the Bible and The Book of Pook. Both links are stickied around here somewhere.

 

[Stretch89]

I think you definitely should've been more assertive.
You're a bouncer man! I've seen the ugliest douchebag bouncers tapping the hottest tail in the bathroom of the club.
I know you say you want to be professional, but you being nice to her without escalating is exactly what every other chump out there is doing with every hot woman in the world.
Read the DJ Bible and research negging. It's an art form and it keeps you out of the friend zone.

Do you see her going home with guys from the club? If not, that's good but you'll have to still stick to some basic rules to pique her interest.
You have a lot to learn and fortunately you've come to the right place. Stick around. And please read the Bible and The Book of Pook. Both links are stickied around here somewhere.

Thanks mate. Bloody legend, I am just afraid I am behind the eight ball for my age with women.

PS - Is it just me but I think women definately have a big advantage in their 20's, I have seen girls 18-19 get with much older established guys. We seem to have to remember so many rules and jump through a lot of hoops to be succesful whereas all they have to do is show up and look pretty. End rant.

 

[Mike32ct]

One mistake I see is telling your coworker buddy that you like her. Never say shyte about who you are interested in. Gossip gets around. Nobody can be trusted.

I made this mistake many times when I was younger.

Also, I agree with the others that you moved too slowly with her.

 

[Desdinova]

can you elabrate on how chatting for a few months was a bad thing?

With women, you need to establish your intentions (non-verbally) ASAP. If you do not identify yourself as being interested in her sexually, then you get placed into the "friend zone" where you will ultimately spend your time as long as you remain in contact with her.

I dont want to come off as a sleaze/creep.

There are two ways to advance on a woman: With and without confidence. If you make advances with desperation and a lack of confidence, you come off as creepy. If you confidently make advances as if you've got women lined up waiting for a turn with you, then you come off as valuable.

A couple of side notes... Your status as a bouncer should compliment your pre-existing confidence and personality. If you don't have the confidence, then your status doesn't mean 5hit. The mistress I had when I was married was a bouncer's gf. While he was working, I took her out of the bar and fvcked her in the back of my truck.

Second, your age doesn't mean 5hit if you're valuable to women. I dated a 19 year old back in the fall. I'm damn near old enough to be her dad.

 

[DonJuanit0]

To be honest and clear there are 3 answers as to what happened:

1: Your princess is in another castle! Deal with it, can't do anything about it, move on.

2: She simply doesn't like you! Move on.

3: No 3 could be your fault, you said you are new here so listen how it goes, some women are uncertain or don't want someone, so they have a defense mechanism called "friend zone". If someone doesn't establish early that he is not there to be a friend, he might end up in the "friend zone" pretty easily, without even acting as a friend! What Desdinova meant was that when you talk with a woman for a long period of time and you don't make your intentions clear, you will eventually fall into the zone! There are ways to leave the zone and there are ways to act, but that means you will feel awkward and so she will! I suggest to move on and next time, when you know you want someone, just make it more sexual? give her hints about your intentions? Do not wait months to show what you want! Go for it!

 

[Don_Dom]

Gotta strike while the iron's hot. Pretty much the first time a woman shows you interest. After that, they pretty much process you out of that sphere, so to speak, for any number of reasons.

Don't take it personally, that's just how their attraction operates. You were in a precarious from the beginning because you were at work...misread a signal and act a bit too aggressively and you could get in serious trouble if she made too big a thing of it. But nature, unfortunately, doesn't care about your job. There's a saying around here: He who hesitates, masturbates. And it's true. Her not responding online and later telling your friend that you're like her brother pretty much confirms that you are done with this one.

Trust me, I know how it sucks. Just a couple of weeks ago I made a late night run to the store...Noticed a really cute girl...I didn't think she had even seen me....grabbed what I needed and headed to the register. I was not looking my best, not feeling my best, and was preoccupied with something I'd been working on at home. As I'm paying she comes up behind me and starts flirting with me, even qualifying herself, and it completely caught me off-guard. I was polite, but pretty much paid and left. 10 seconds later I'm in my car kicking myself for dropping the ball like that. Because I knew even if I tried to talk to her again right then, I was done. They just have this subconscious way of sorting us out and it happens in an instant of hesitation, unfortunately.

The good news for both of us is this is the place to learn how to not let this happen. It wont be overnight, but if you read, learn, ask questions, and practice practice practice, you can improve your skill with this and every other aspect of dealing with these creatures that we love yet drive us batty to the point that we come to sites like this to learn how to deal with them. LOL

Welcome!

 

[Stretch89]

To be honest and clear there are 3 answers as to what happened:

1: Your princess is in another castle! Deal with it, can't do anything about it, move on.

2: She simply doesn't like you! Move on.

3: No 3 could be your fault, you said you are new here so listen how it goes, some women are uncertain or don't want someone, so they have a defense mechanism called "friend zone". If someone doesn't establish early that he is not there to be a friend, he might end up in the "friend zone" pretty easily, without even acting as a friend! What Desdinova meant was that when you talk with a woman for a long period of time and you don't make your intentions clear, you will eventually fall into the zone! There are ways to leave the zone and there are ways to act, but that means you will feel awkward and so she will! I suggest to move on and next time, when you know you want someone, just make it more sexual? give her hints about your intentions? Do not wait months to show what you want! Go for it!

Okay, I understand. I kinda gathered that she isn't really interested in a boyfriend currently anyway so I was always going to be an uphill battle.

I am going to forget about her and continue to work on myself. I know what the friendzone is, If the opportunity ever arises again with her I will do what I can to break out of the friendzone. But for now I am going to forget about it and look for other girls.

 

[Greasy Pig]

And read the literature! It will set you off on the right foot. Then you complement that with the stuff you find on the forums.
A truly awe-inspiring combination.

 

[VladPatton]

We all had missed opportunities that were clear as day when we look back on them. You just can't wait too long, as the other guys have mentioned. Nor can you chase like a desperate fool if you do miss the initial chance. It's a delicate balance based on timing.

Just chill, see how it goes, be polite to her, talk as if all is cool on the world, and if she ever gives you buying signals in the future DO NOT hesitate! At least you'll know she is/isn't interested and at least you'll know you made a move. You'll sleep a lot better at night.

 

[Stretch89]

We all had missed opportunities that were clear as day when we look back on them. You just can't wait too long, as the other guys have mentioned. Nor can you chase like a desperate fool if you do miss the initial chance. It's a delicate balance based on timing.

Just chill, see how it goes, be polite to her, talk as if all is cool on the world, and if she ever gives you buying signals in the future DO NOT hesitate! At least you'll know she is/isn't interested and at least you'll know you made a move. You'll sleep a lot better at night.

best advice, thanks.

 

[sylvester the cat]

She is perfect in other words.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zTHhwvTJyMU

 

[Stretch89]

We all had missed opportunities that were clear as day when we look back on them. You just can't wait too long, as the other guys have mentioned. Nor can you chase like a desperate fool if you do miss the initial chance. It's a delicate balance based on timing.

Just chill, see how it goes, be polite to her, talk as if all is cool on the world, and if she ever gives you buying signals in the future DO NOT hesitate! At least you'll know she is/isn't interested and at least you'll know you made a move. You'll sleep a lot better at night.

Saw her again yesterday, was all cool around her. She asked me when I am going out drinking next and I replied next week. She said she will see me out about that night as she is going out too to the same nightclub.

I will drop some hints when I see her and hopefully she responds. Not going to get my hopes up but when alcohol is involved anything can happen.

 

[VladPatton]

Very good...go there, play it cool, see what she's like in a different atmosphere while alcohol is involved. If she's all over you, great, if she air drops you into the friend zone, great, at least now you know not to pursue. No skin off your dıck!

Sometimes a little patience lets you know which way to go.