Need a little help, perhaps mentor

[slaog]

I will get back to you later.

But, Proto, have you realzied that yuor REPLIES to my questions about what you want to do are very vague??

Think about this.

And to you lurkers there, reading this right now......Re READ Proto's replies.

NOtice something..

he has NO Idea on thingts that most peopl etake for granted.

Like what kidn of hobbies.

And no career goals.

This is key.
In fact, I see this all the time. In guys like you , and Proto

Use this as a HUGE Freakin' RED FLAG!

It is a common theme with guys like this.

They dont know WHO they are, and experience Ups and DOWNs



use his example as YOUR Example.

When you are at the mercy of emotions, AND your Environemnt (people, places, and circumstances) and dont know what you want, dont know who you are, dont know what to do, dont know what you like........


You are ping ponging back and forth, up and down all over the place.
At the mercy of your emotions and your environment

This is BAD

This is very true Proto. I can say this for sure. I'm a person who didn't know what I wanted to do or who I wanted to become and currently I'm nowhere. At least now I'm focusing on what I want to do and who I want to become.

I have a hard time taking all of this in. It's not actually changed the way I think and feel. Although your advice is good the words just haven't hit me! Agh

Basically you need to focus your mind (subconscious mainly) on goals. What do you want to do achieve. When you write these down it helps focus the mind and you'll then find yourself wanting to do these things.

Its basically given the mind directions.

 

[WesCottII]

I meant to reply to this the other day, but my computer crashed.

What you have here is the definition of a self fulfilling prophecy. You think you're ugly and you can't get girls, and lo and behold, you DON'T get girls.

Self pity is such a useless emotion. I would sometimes wallow in it for DAYS, before I realised the best thing I could do, was look at solutions rather than problems.

By asking youreslf the question, how do I get over this?, you force your mind into working for answers.

Part II - your validation

Validation. What a thing eh? When a girl tells you you're hot, you're on the ceiling. When she tells you LJBF's, or you're ugly, you're on the floor. Must it be this way? .... nah.

When you place your validation on external sources (in your case, women, but drugs, alcohol could be included) you're at the mercy of that thing. For one thing, it creates desperation, which is the ultimate turn off. Why should someone telling you "you're ugly" ruin your day?

So, what Interceptor is saying, is why not place that validation upon yourself, and your achievements? Re-focus into making yourself a great person - not for women, but for yourself.

Women are byproducts of life, not the source of it.

Part III - solutions

So, enough twaddle. What to do?

1) Mindset. Ever notice that when you feel "hot", that girls notice you more, and smile at you? When you feel "ugly", they ignore you? It isn't your looks, it's your mindset. Write yourself a list of affirmations, and read them every morning, and night with conviction, until you believe them. There will come a time, that no-one can shake your belief that you're "hot".

2)Focus. Women arn't the be all and end all. Infact, when you've got one, they're quite annoying, take your time/money, and cause drama. However, you're not going to get one until you leave the pity party, they don't want to mother a crying boy, they want to love a strong man. So, your focus is now on you. Do you work out? Join a gym. Good wardrobe? Ask the hottest assistant in the shop to pick out clothes for you. No future? Make one, and make it the best you can.

3) Small steps. Am I right in saying that you perhaps tell yourself something along the lines of "Today I will approach a woman", and then when you don't/can't, you say I'm such a failure. Women will never want me, I'm too ugly.. Well, thats a huge generalistation to make, and secondly, it's a huge leap. For the less confident among us (myself included), why not take small steps? The first might be striking up a conversation with a shop assistant (asking her to pick clothes, see?), the next might be stopping a woman on the street and asking her for the time. The next, time,, and a conversation. See how it works?

Hope this helps you buddy.