need a little advice

[sylvester the cat]

dude yes I have 3 other chicks Im talking to. hence why I said in my first post today that i wasnt expecting anything out of this one. My mind changed a bit when she was very receptive to the massage/coming over idea, therefore I figured Id see if she wanted company, as she is still one I wouldnt mind having sexual relations with lol.

Ok cool.

then what u worrying about?

regarding these other 3. are you 'talking' or are you sealing the deal as it were?

times, dates, places........

 

[mbas44]

Not worrying about anything. If you had read my whole thread youd see due to life circumstances( illness,etc) Ive been out of the game for a looong time. This year Ive finally started seeing lots of girls,etc. I was just using this thread for advice, as theres a lot of good stuff here. Im just out of practice being completely honest and the whole "game'' has changed a lot since I last put myself out there. Yes In fact just texted another chick seeing about tomorrow night. Im not sweating it in fact had pretty much nexted this one until today happened so was just looking for input.

 

[sylvester the cat]

Not worrying about anything. If you had read my whole thread youd see due to life circumstances( illness,etc) Ive been out of the game for a looong time. This year Ive finally started seeing lots of girls,etc. I was just using this thread for advice, as theres a lot of good stuff here. Im just out of practice being completely honest and the whole "game'' has changed a lot since I last put myself out there. Yes In fact just texted another chick seeing about tomorrow night. Im not sweating it in fact had pretty much nexted this one until today happened so was just looking for input.

i don't mean to be mean, but i don't give two hoots about your life circumstances or your illnesses etc. that's no fcuking excuse!

at the moment i can barely get out of fcuking bed with a bad back but i still have a date tomorrow!

i'm not interested in fcuking excuses. just results. let us know how you get on.

 

[mbas44]

i don't mean to be mean, but i don't give two hoots about your life circumstances or your illnesses etc. that's no fcuking excuse!

at the moment i can barely get out of fcuking bed with a bad back but i still have a date tomorrow!

i'm not interested in fcuking excuses. just results. let us know how you get on.

haha sorry for your troubles; however a bad back compared to severe hormonal problems for 5 years isnt really comparable. I dont make excuses, however I admit to being a little "behind the times" with girls these days, hence why I am here. But thanks for your input and good luck on your date. I will keep this thread updated in case of any new developments. and if anyone else has any sage advice more than appreciated.

 

[Skyline]

Hey guys-
I went wrong as Ive been out of the dating scene for quite some time(due to extended illness)

I feel as if game, if done properly, should be incorporated into your personality. Meaning everyday interactions have a bit of playful game thrown into the mix. I personally find being sick an excuse.

Ive been on 5-6 dates this year and all of the prospects have ended after 1-2 dates. I am 34 yrs old and back before I got sick( low testosterone, celiac disease, hypothyroidism),

Working out increases testosterone and you can also take supplements.

I was pretty good with girls and had plenty of confidence. as you can imagine this all has taken its toll on my social/personal life and I admit that now just being around a decent chick I get attached far too easily whereas in my younger days this was never an issue..

That feeling of co dependence is an insecurity.

anyways she asked me if she could come back to my apartment and have some beers and hang out.. this is where I will probably be laughed off the forums but so be it..

we get back and to this point ive made no effort to escalate anything, she has done all the touching, kino, etc. long story short, we watch a movie, she has to invite herself to sit next to me, i have my arms around her, never once trying to kiss her besides on her neck a little. Truth is I was exhausted and just not in the moment. then she asks if we can go lay in my bed. in my haze i say yes..2 hours later at 4 am she leaves with me not even attempting to escalate. She initiated texting the next couple days. Of course I had a horrible feeling of inadequacy and even mentioned to her how I really waas holding back sexually, she said I was perfect however my gut instinct was saying otherwise.... Due to this I acted totally incongruent in my texts trying to compensate, huge mistake. she slowly got a tad distant the next few days..which leads to me asking her out last thursday and her replying friday night "Im sorry I didnt text you back the other day, ive been getting off work and going straight to bed"..We havent talked since. I should mention she is 23 years old id say about an 8, however besides the great connection she is recently divorced,,,,with a kid lol, was cheated on multiple times. this may have played in my subconscious as well as to not making a move. I assume this ones pretty much lost as I said some pretty retarded things in text after the date, etc and even though she said shed like to see me again her lack of response says it all..

Why were you holding back sexually? The only reasons that you were were:

1. You were scared to make a move due to inexperience.

2. You "liked her too much." Putting her on a pedestal.

All of these are low self esteem/insecurity. So you were right about your confidence fading away.

The statement in red is an excuse. True she has tons of baggage but the fact you didn't get laid or even escalated that night is something you need to accept. You were scared and insecure to make a move, not because you "subconsciously" thought it was "wrong." And for the texting... By "retarded things" I'm guessing they were AFC. Study this site dude, it will help you out a lot. Of course the stuff read here wont mold you back into the person you once were before, but it will give you a strong push in your own direction based on how you interpret it. And practice makes perfect.

http://www.mts.net/~bpony/djbible/

Read whatever catches your eye.

As for the girl, I'd say don't bother. She's 23, already divorced, and has a KID. She should have been a ONS but is not relationship material. Invest in cold approaching to build more confidence, if you have trouble talking then read aloud in your spare time, workout and or find a passion you enjoy and go after it- which is a great way to increase confidence, and finally use more kino on your everyday interactions. Doesnt have to be flirty, just let it be natural.

 

[mbas44]

THanks for the reply. I agree with most of what you wrote there bud, and after some self reflection the past few days I have come to the very sad realization that I have sabatoged MYSELF with most of the girls Ive come in contact with since Ive started dating again. Ive seen a disturbingly similar pattern in at least 4 out of 5 cases that are very obvious to me.THe one exception was a girl I met on a dating site who Im pretty sure was using me for a free meal lol. But anyways, you bring up some good points. I do workout very hard, im about 9 percent bf with a lean muscular build. Im decent looking, people tend to think im much younger than I am.Im 34, this girl in particular thought I was her age(23) lol. Idk if this is good or bad but guess it doesnt hurt. Used to be a college/pro athlete(baseball). Anyways, Like I said in some of the cases Im thinking about the girls in retrospect have been very obvious in their signals towards me. the one Im discussing in this thread is just the latest and perhaps most blatant example of a female basically telling me to do as I please with her and me for some reason hitting the brakes and backing out. I belive my confidence has been shaken..this is an internal thing. Like Im expecting failure. But it only seems to be happening when I sense things may becoming intimate..Its like my body sends out a bunch of stress chemicals and shuts down my ability to push forward. I am admitting this is a huge issue I need to get past. My libido/ erectile function was flat out DEAD for so long and now that its started to come back I still have a lingering fear. This is by no means an excuse; Im simply trying to get this out as is somewhat therapuetic. I have no problems talking with these girls; building comfort and attraction, but when it comes to the brass tacks I am *****ing out big time and I need to figure out why. I think one of my weaknesses is I am kind of talking too much, Im revealing too much of myself early as Im feeling comfortable w them..obviously its not killing me but definitely a thing I need to stop doing as much. As you said, no matter how much baggage this chick had, in the moment we were enjoying each other thoroughly, and I shouldve just gone with the moment and let things happen naturally. It has nothing to do with "pedastalizing" this chic as I can clearly feel an internal struggle. I keep getting in my own way..Its very frustrating Im not able to express myself in a way I used to have no problems with(sexually) and instead choosing to turn to "texting" after the fact to try and regain what I knew I ****ed up. At least now I recognize the pattern.. I think when a pattern like this emerges and similar things keep happening, I have no choice but to put at least a good bit of the burden on myself for these failures.