My Midget-Routine

[BG the HB Tamer]

This is something I do with basically everyone I know. At some point when the conversation goes silent... I theatrically trail off, get dreamy eyes and make a DEEP sigh, which can not be ignored.

HB: What's up?
BG: Oh what? Uhm.. No it's nothing.. it's kinda weird... I don't think I can trust you..
HB: You can trust me!! (you could play with this)
BG: Well, okay.

BG: I wish... I just wish I owned a midget.
HB: *shocked/freaked out look*
BG: No, for real! It would be so much fun! We could have all kinds of adventures.. I'd take him everywhere. He'd be my little mini-me. I'd be so happy!
HB: hahaha... okayyyyyyy......

Then you can take it into three directions.

Direction 1
BG: As a matter of fact... I would really love to be a midget! I'd be so ****ing cool! One time I saw a midget.. and he was dressed just like Indiana Jones.. Long (or should I say short? ;-)) brown coat, brown hat... The only thing he was missing was a whip... I WANT THAT!! Not the whip ;-) You know what I'm talking about. I'd be the coolest guy in town!

Direction 2
Just talk about what you would use a midget for; for instance as a spare table or something like that.

For inspiration, check out Benefit's rap song: "If I Owned A Midget" (it's also called "Midget Song")

Direction 3
One time, I saw this thing on Jerry Springer.. there was this midget Ku Klus Klan! They were wearing the KKK atire, but they were dressed in black, not white. And the suits were a bit smaller than the normal KKK suits.. I guess they can split their sheets with their midget-KKK-buddies. And they were also carrying a rope with a slipknot in it! And guess what... The girlfriend (who was tall) of one of the KKK guys, was leaving him.... FOR A BLACK GUY! So the little men all got angry and wanted to fight! You should've seen that guy Steve, he was laughing so hard while he was keeping everyone seperated. It was SO funny! Especially with the pointy KKK headwear!! And they were cursing and **** and at some point they got angry and directed their anger not only at non-white people, but at ALL tall people... "White midget power" they yelled!!

(This is a real Jerry Springer episode, aired in 2000 - it's called "Tales of the Midget Klan" if you have it digitally: PLEASE SEND IT!!!)



From here you can make a transition to sex talk... like "do you think if a midget is in a relationship with a tall person... the midget is dominant in the bedroom?"



Have fun!

(And make up your own goddamn routines ;-))

 

[Wiesman44]

u have a midget fetish, now don't u? Its okay, you can admit it. We're all friends here at sosuave

 

[flippinfreak]

AHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BG that is awesome... last night I was running my midget porn routine over a few times as well

I was wondering what to call the twists though, direction 1, direction 2 direction 3... that's just what it needed.

reppin you up

 

[Greg-NewYork]

This is something I do with basically everyone I know. At some point when the conversation goes silent... I theatrically trail off, get dreamy eyes and make a DEEP sigh, which can not be ignored.

HB: What's up?
BG: Oh what? Uhm.. No it's nothing.. it's kinda weird... I don't think I can trust you..
HB: You can trust me!! (you could play with this)
BG: Well, okay.

BG: I wish... I just wish I owned a midget.
HB: *shocked/freaked out look*
BG: No, for real! It would be so much fun! We could have all kinds of adventures.. I'd take him everywhere. He'd be my little mini-me. I'd be so happy!
HB: hahaha... okayyyyyyy......

Then you can take it into three directions.

Direction 1
BG: As a matter of fact... I would really love to be a midget! I'd be so ****ing cool! One time I saw a midget.. and he was dressed just like Indiana Jones.. Long (or should I say short? ;-)) brown coat, brown hat... The only thing he was missing was a whip... I WANT THAT!! Not the whip ;-) You know what I'm talking about. I'd be the coolest guy in town!

Direction 2
Just talk about what you would use a midget for; for instance as a spare table or something like that.

For inspiration, check out Benefit's rap song: "If I Owned A Midget" (it's also called "Midget Song")

Direction 3
One time, I saw this thing on Jerry Springer.. there was this midget Ku Klus Klan! They were wearing the KKK atire, but they were dressed in black, not white. And the suits were a bit smaller than the normal KKK suits.. I guess they can split their sheets with their midget-KKK-buddies. And they were also carrying a rope with a slipknot in it! And guess what... The girlfriend (who was tall) of one of the KKK guys, was leaving him.... FOR A BLACK GUY! So the little men all got angry and wanted to fight! You should've seen that guy Steve, he was laughing so hard while he was keeping everyone seperated. It was SO funny! Especially with the pointy KKK headwear!! And they were cursing and **** and at some point they got angry and directed their anger not only at non-white people, but at ALL tall people... "White midget power" they yelled!!

(This is a real Jerry Springer episode, aired in 2000 - it's called "Tales of the Midget Klan" if you have it digitally: PLEASE SEND IT!!!)



From here you can make a transition to sex talk... like "do you think if a midget is in a relationship with a tall person... the midget is dominant in the bedroom?"



Have fun!

(And make up your own goddamn routines ;-))

Lol! I swear some of you guys are such fukking retards lol "I just wish I owned a midget" seriously WTF???

I generally think canned openers or "routines" are bad anyway. The best way to go is to wait for the girl to give you signals to approach (and if you're a good looking mofo you'll get plenty of signals ) BUT if you HAVE to use canned openers, try something less retarded :crackup:

 

[BG the HB Tamer]

This is not an opener man. This is not a routine either. It's just something I happen to talk about.


And I'm not for everyone. This 'routine' is me. It's that simple, I'm eccentric.

 

[three12]

BG the HB Tamer,

I love it.

I often use all types of retarded routines. Mostly made up on the spot.

Yesterday I was talking to a girl about attractive guys and what not. A cute little dog came and sat with us.

"Do you the dog is attractive?"
"Yeh he's cute."
"So you'd sleep with him?"
"No!" *hits me* "He's a dog."
"Dogs are people to."
"WTF?" *hits me* "Dogs are not people."
"What about an attractive guy dressed in a dog suit? Would you sleep with him?"
"Yea, I guess so."
"What about an attractive dog dressed in a guy suit?"
"NO!" *hits me*
"But its pretty much the same thing?"

etc. etc.

Anyway, I also have my own midget routine, you're welcome to add it to your own. I'm sure it'd work a treat for you.

*This is a MOSTLY true story.*

I see this cute girl standing at the bar by herself, so I go over and chat to her. "hey, hows your night going?" "Great! I've got my own midget." Ok this confused me a bit, but I was totally intrigued. "You've got your own midget? What are you talking about?" "Yea, this midget, hes been buying me drinks all night. Hes just gone to the toilet." Now I'm thinking this chick is a bit crazy and I should probably stop talking to her, when suddenly I get pushed.
THE ****EN MIDGET PUSHED ME.
I look at him like... "Whats your ****en problem?" and he pushes me again and says "Stay the **** away from my girl, *****!"
I'm in hysterics. I can't fight a midget! What if I lost!? Whats the deal with all midgets being mean sons of *****es?

*no offence to any midgets reading this *

three12.

 

[flippinfreak]

Lol! I swear some of you guys are such fukking retards lol "I just wish I owned a midget" seriously WTF???

I generally think canned openers or "routines" are bad anyway. The best way to go is to wait for the girl to give you signals to approach (and if you're a good looking mofo you'll get plenty of signals ) BUT if you HAVE to use canned openers, try something less retarded :crackup:

Your telling me you have never had the guts to run a crazy routine?

Yes, you heard me, do you have the confidence?

 

[BG the HB Tamer]

LOL three12.. I was laughing my ass off when I read that story.

Awesome.

Yeah, most crazy stuff I talk about I come up with on the spot. I was socializing yesterday and talked to a girl about Madonna's vagina. Yes really.


I didn't include it in last night's Field Report (http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=99382) but the FR might still be worth checking out.



Oh, someone told me that there are also midget-for-hire services. Where you can hire midgets for your party or something. One day I'll dress up like a king, hire 20 midgets and have them dress like 15 peasants, 4 guards and a joker... and parade the city!

Now that's peacocking.

 

[Distant Light]

:crackup:

Its not really a routine just a funny story, may use it to kill time and get a good laugh. The 3rd story was the funniest one I'm going to tell it to this girl in my school on monday.

 

[mpimpin]

THis is Hilarious. Very nice conversation topic! Lmao