My girl is a late-bloomer

[AmIAFC]

Basically, she's a 26 year old woman who's conducting herself like a 21 year old sorority chic. She's just had her braces removed after going through her entire life with bad teeth and now she feels she has a second lease at a social life.

We've been going out for a month, and during that time I've been seeing another female who's strictly into a non-relationship deal, which is perfect because I can juggle them easier that way. But my GF has more long term potential and people know we've been seeing each other.

So my question is, how do I tell her to grow the F up and quit having pothead buddies for friends without sounding jealous, possessive, or insecure?

 

[In2theGame]

Basically, she's a 26 year old woman who's conducting herself like a 21 year old sorority chic. She's just had her braces removed after going through her entire life with bad teeth and now she feels she has a second lease at a social life.

We've been going out for a month, and during that time I've been seeing another female who's strictly into a non-relationship deal, which is perfect because I can juggle them easier that way. But my GF has more long term potential and people know we've been seeing each other.

So my question is, how do I tell her to grow the F up and quit having pothead buddies for friends without sounding jealous, possessive, or insecure?

Unfortunately theres not much you can do here because what happened now is that her confidence and self esteem has gone sky high after her braces removal so now she feels more outgoing.

 

[Ease]

If your annoyed at how she's been acting then she might not be long term material after all.

For me theres always a subconcious thought of deciding whether shes long term material or no expectation fun. But the moment you get too interested in making it long term with her, you get too invested and dependant. You lose your edge, you give her too much leeway for things.

If your non-relationship side started acting up in a way you didnt like, what would you do? You'd say get the **** up out of here ho, i dont need this. However now that your main girl is acting like this, you want to fix it, you want to improve it, treating her like a LTR. When, in fact, you should be acting the same way as the first, because the second will not solve anything in the long term.

I think its more about your mentality right now. I like to keep a good girl in a relationship with me for the public eye, its one of the things that i dont like losing when it comes to a break up. For that reason, it makes me relunctant to dump her, and more likely to put up with BS in a relationship. The moment you fall into investing, dependancy, and expectations- the moment you lose your edge.

Sharing my experiences.

 

[zekko]

Unfortunately theres not much you can do here because what happened now is that her confidence and self esteem has gone sky high after her braces removal so now she feels more outgoing.

Yeah, if she missed out on this stuff earlier in life maybe it's something she has to go through. A learning and growing experience.

Maybe if you can frame it as coming from a place of greater wisdom and life experience, that you've been through this stuff and can tell her where she's making her mistakes. That's probably a long shot though. It seems like some things people just have to learn for themselves, like teenagers almost always go through a rebellious stage.

 

[AmIAFC]

If your annoyed at how she's been acting then she might not be long term material after all.

For me theres always a subconcious thought of deciding whether shes long term material or no expectation fun. But the moment you get too interested in making it long term with her, you get too invested and dependant. You lose your edge, you give her too much leeway for things.

If your non-relationship side started acting up in a way you didnt like, what would you do? You'd say get the **** up out of here ho, i dont need this. However now that your main girl is acting like this, you want to fix it, you want to improve it, treating her like a LTR. When, in fact, you should be acting the same way as the first, because the second will not solve anything in the long term.

I think its more about your mentality right now. I like to keep a good girl in a relationship with me for the public eye, its one of the things that i dont like losing when it comes to a break up. For that reason, it makes me relunctant to dump her, and more likely to put up with BS in a relationship. The moment you fall into investing, dependancy, and expectations- the moment you lose your edge.

Sharing my experiences.

I see. So what you're saying is that I should treat every girl, regardless of their personality or relationship expectations, as short-term commitments and then conduct a sort of personal assessment every few weeks or so to see if she meets long-term criteria. Basically, have dog-sh1t expectations initially despite promising early impressions. Okay, most excellent advice.

What makes this difficult is that her antics are relatively harmless, and I don't want to totally suffocate her social life, but at this phase of my life, I'd like to spend my time with people that illustrate more orderly and refined social habits. As stated earlier, she's 26. If she's going to behave like a college sophomore, then I might as well just cut my losses and get the real thing.

 

[eaglez1177]

If your annoyed at how she's been acting then she might not be long term material after all.

For me theres always a subconcious thought of deciding whether shes long term material or no expectation fun. But the moment you get too interested in making it long term with her, you get too invested and dependant. You lose your edge, you give her too much leeway for things.

If your non-relationship side started acting up in a way you didnt like, what would you do? You'd say get the **** up out of here ho, i dont need this. However now that your main girl is acting like this, you want to fix it, you want to improve it, treating her like a LTR. When, in fact, you should be acting the same way as the first, because the second will not solve anything in the long term.

I think its more about your mentality right now. I like to keep a good girl in a relationship with me for the public eye, its one of the things that i dont like losing when it comes to a break up. For that reason, it makes me relunctant to dump her, and more likely to put up with BS in a relationship. The moment you fall into investing, dependancy, and expectations- the moment you lose your edge.

Sharing my experiences.

Perfectly put

 

[zekko]

For me theres always a subconcious thought of deciding whether shes long term material or no expectation fun. But the moment you get too interested in making it long term with her, you get too invested and dependant. You lose your edge, you give her too much leeway for things.

Not only that, but you run the risk of deluding yourself. Like you say, you might end up cutting her too much slack because you're wanting her to fit into a certain mold, and you end up having to make excuses for her. Ultimately she's the one who has to prove that she is long term material. You can make your expectations known, but it's still going to depend on her whether or not she fits them.

What makes this difficult is that her antics are relatively harmless

Then why are you bothered by it? Maybe you can let her know she can be doing better and maybe she'll grow through this phase faster. Or, if you don't think she suits your needs, get another girl.