My Girl and I "separated" for good.

[amoka]

My girlfriend and I separated three days ago over marriage. The whole episode was sad and joy at the same time for her and I. She wanted to know if there is a future for the two of us together because I break up with her four different times over the course of our relationship. I told her lately I've been thinking of not wanting to married. Wanted to be single and never to worry about wife. She was surprised. She would like to get married to me. Her grandfather, who never liked two of her previous boyfriends, like me. Her entire family enjoys my company. The problem is I do not know if I truly want to get married in the near future. She wanted to marry in the next 3 to 4 years because she is getting old. She is 27 and in 3-4 years she'll be 30+. We all know women that age finds it hard finding suitable husbands.

This woman is very intellectual. Has a PhD, and is a prof at my school. Very much and INDEPENDENT woman who truly LOVES me. Does things for me that I'm yet to see other women do for me. I don't want to mess up her future. She was glad and mad I told her this, and so was I. She still called me two times yesterday telling me how her day went.

 

[frivolousz21]

sounds like your not in love with her.

 

[Bible_Belt]

woman who truly LOVES me.

It sounds like she loves the idea of being married more than she loves you. If you were her top priority, she would stay with you on whatever terms you would have her.



10postrule edit:
when exactly can we see a woman loves you. After all, isn't marriage is what is on women her age mind?

That is the common viewpoint. I don't think it has to be true, though. When a woman will accept being with you on whatever terms you give her, that is the girl to be with. You'll have the power in the relationship; both of you will be happier that way. The marriage ultimatum is a common one; a lot of guys break down, and then their subsequent marriage becomes a downward spiral of power loss. But the answer to anything a woman ever says or even implies to you that begins with "I'm going to break up with you unless..." is to stop listening, point to the door, and cut her off with a polite 'goodbye.' If she leaves, then that is not the best woman for you.

 

[KontrollerX]

Agree with Bible Belt.

Regardless though dude it seems like you are not head over heels for her so it looks like you made the right decision for yourself to me.

 

[##17]

This girl sounds familiar. Didn't you post about breaking up with her 'for good' a while (months to a year) ago?

 

[PTC]

...

 

[amoka]

frivolousz21: I like her but her history with guys frightens the hell out of me.

Bible_Belt: "It sounds like she loves the idea of being married more than she loves you. If you were her top priority, she would stay with you on whatever terms you would have her."
This is very true. It thought about this idea at one point but I simply push it aside and begin to wonder when exactly can we see a woman loves you. After all, isn't marriage is what is on women her age mind?

KontrollerX: Thanks for seconding BB.

##17: Yes, this is the same woman. As indicated in the original message, I broke up with her 4 different times over the course of the relationship.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

You broke up with her 4 times, why?

 

[amoka]

You broke up with her 4 times, why?

Her history with men troubles me. In her previous relationship, she told me, voluntarily at the beginning of our relationship, she has dated numerous men. On two different occasions, she cheated on her boyfriends. Of the two occasions, non was really her fault. One of them, she said, she virtually broke up with the guy but he won't leave her alone. She does not this this was really cheating since they broke up but the guy won't leave her alone. I do not recall the detail to the other guy she cheated on.

One time, while we were dating, she was drunk hanging out her friends and then she kissed one of the guys in the group on the lip. When she got home she told me what she did. I though it was simply a peck on the lip but few days later, one of her friend loaded the picture of them onto her myspace page and she showed me. I was pissed and told her it was over.

Another time I was spending the night at her house and around 3am, her phone rung and she left the bedroom and when to the leaving room to talk to the person for about 15 min. When she returned to be bedroom and I asked her who it was she did not want to tell me at first. Then she said it was one of the guys she used to date who called and said he is in the neighborhood and look like to pay her a visit. Yes at 3 am. Though of her talking on the phone for 15+ mins to a former boyfriend at 3am perplexed me. Let alone he want to pay her a visit at 3am.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Another time I was spending the night at her house and around 3am, her phone rung and she left the bedroom and when to the leaving room to talk to the person for about 15 min. When she returned to be bedroom and I asked her who it was she did not want to tell me at first. Then she said it was one of the guys she used to date who called and said he is in the neighborhood and look like to pay her a visit. Yes at 3 am. Though of her talking on the phone for 15+ mins to a former boyfriend at 3am perplexed me. Let alone he want to pay her a visit at 3am.


The problem is not in him calling, but in her talking to him, especially while you are there. That's very disrespectful toward you. She was basically telling him, "not tonight, but call me again next time."

 

[amoka]

Thanks guys. Now I would like to have an idea of how to turn her into a FB. I have not talked to her since last Thursday, 3 days ago. Now I'm wondering if I should call and invite myself over to her house or ask her to come to mine. I know she will agree to either request but I don't want her to assume I'm trying to get back with her. Any suggestions?

 

[Latinoman]

Well...I would have broke up with her too. FWB? I doubt you will pull that one up. Why? Because I sense you get to emotionally invested with her...and she MIGHT be emotionally invested with you. Having said that, you can tell her that you don't want a relationship with her.

She will cheat on you...in fact, she already DID. And will continue to do that. That's why she wants to married you. You are easy (in her eyes).

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't want her to assume I'm trying to get back with her. Any suggestions?

Don't call. Standard fvck-buddy arrangement in my experience has been she calls you, comes to your place herself if she has a car, then puts out, no exceptions. But you wait for her to call you, or at least that is how I have always done it. When you have 3-4 girls like this who all know they are not the only one, and are the one calling you for sex, then life can be pretty good, but you have to not AFC it up and start asking them where they have been when not with you. If you're fvcking other girls, what a girl does when away from you is really none of your business. Most guys can't handle that, which is why they can't pull off plate spinning, or at least having regular sex with multiple girls.

 

[mrRuckus]

If you're fvcking other girls, what a girl does when away from you is really none of your business.

Why? Why does everything have to be 50/50?

 

[Scaramouche]

OK so she pokes holes in donuts,although there are exceptions I have found such people lack common sense and emotional maturity...this woman is not marriage material...Bible Belt is on the money,just use her as she uses you...