My fear of rejection isn't from being hurt

[DJHoolahoop]

Hey everyone,

I had been encountering some resistance lately and I thought about fear of rejection and the losing out of an opportunity. I wondered about it and tried asking myself why I will have hesitation about approaching certain girls and why it seems easier to not take action than to take action. It came to me that a big reason why I don't take action all the time is because I am afraid of losing out on a great opportunity. It's not the fear of rejection itself so much that it is that I don't want to lose out on a great opportunity.

Kind of like in the stock market, that if you wait too long the stock could plumbet and you lose everything. Or losing out on a great deal because all the cards didn't line up in your favour. In this case though I don't want to face an opportunity that I would want and would benefit me and to slip up and have to deal with a lesser opportunity.

How do you deal with this? Anyone else have this problem too and if so what do you do to prevent yourself from having to learn the hard way? The interesting thing is how to not make those mistakes when you didn't know you were going to make them.

 

[Q-Pid]

It's like you enjoy the idea of having the OPTION of the girl, and don't want to remove that option by acting on it. In a way, it IS fear of rejection, but is more subliminal then is typical.

Best way to overcome it? Act more impulsiveley, spur of the moment kind of stuff. You could start by doing things you're scared of. If you're scared of spiders try touching them. Or if you're scared of the dark walk around at home with the lights off. If you're scared of heights go to the top of a high building. I know it sounds daft, but overcoming fears in one part of your life helps your confidence boost in all areas of it.

It's also important to remember that this kind of AA (approach anxiety) is due to the high regard you have for your ego. You're petrified it'll be damaged by failure. It's much easier to feed the ego by looking at all these "chances" you have and giving yourself a pat on the back, then by actually acting on them and risking bruising your ego. The reason you don't approach isn't because of the fear of failure, but because you like the IDEA that women are attracted to you, more than the actuallity of it.

Do one thing everyday that scares you and you'll eventually break free of your comfort zones. You are currently in a risk-aversion comfort zone, once you're broken free of that and are not afraid to take risks your problem will dissappear.

But remember - guy problems aren't fixed by talking about them. get out there and make it happen. Because, let's face it, no one else is going to.

-Q

 

[tmpgstx]

It's also important to remember that this kind of AA (approach anxiety) is due to the high regard you have for your ego. You're petrified it'll be damaged by failure. It's much easier to feed the ego by looking at all these "chances" you have and giving yourself a pat on the back, then by actually acting on them and risking bruising your ego. The reason you don't approach isn't because of the fear of failure, but because you like the IDEA that women are attracted to you, more than the actuallity of it.

Insightful. This gets to the core of the rejection phenomenon for people with big and/or fragile egos. It can't take loss, and rejection is considered a loss.

Many people will tell you that you can only win by taking risks even if striking out .. which is true, but there is the other angle in knowing that you are the prize and shouldn't be all up to you in making an effort to get the ball rolling. It should be mutual - back and fourth .. not one sided.

In this regard it is important to reduce rejection by first getting a good non-verbal approach indicator such as prolonged eye contact, smiling and alert interested body language.