My ex called me today apologizing. Couple q's/******** decoding needed.

[cactus3178]

I haven't spoken to my ex g/f in two weeks, even when we 'bumped' into each other at the bar, I just played it cool and didn't try to talk to her. This is actually a real stretch for me, the newb and reforming AFC. I used to make up excuses in my head for reasons why I'd 'need' to call her, which were BS reasons just to ask her what she had been up to (like it matters) or for God only knows what other reasons I had.

Anyway, onto the subject at hand:

She calls me today to see what I've been up to. I actually wasn't going to take the call, but I answered by accident while flying down the freeway (damn side buttons!). I tell her I've been busy with work and friends, etc, and just make general small talk....another improvement for me....because normally I'd be asking her what SHE'S been up to. She apologized for being rude to me, and blamed it on financial stress.

She asked me if I was going to be dating other girls anytime soon, probably stemming from a phone conversation in which she overheard me call a friend (girl) 'babe'. She got really bent over that, asking me "who's babe?" about 0.5 seconds after I got off the phone. I told her it was a (mutual) friend, and that I meant it in a platonic way, which I did. I asked her why she would care anyway, and she replies "Of course I care!". Whatever.

So here was the convo today:

HER: So are you going to start dating other women soon?
ME: Umm, I don't know right now. Why?
HER: Just curious....
ME: Well, I'm not going to wait forever, when it happens, it'll happen.
HER: Oh. (kind of weird sad tone)
ME: How about you? (I know, I fell right in huh?)
HER: I'm not looking for anybody. I guess if the perfect guy came along...
ME: Okay.
HER: But like I said, I'm not looking for anyone.
ME: Great. Listen, I gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye.

What the hell is this asking me about dating other women? And then telling me she's not looking? Anybody for a translation on that one?

On the plus side, I'm slowly learning. Still though, WTF is it with women dancing around the REAL issue.....although I don't know what the real issue is at this point...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Why and who broke off the relationship??

 

[cactus3178]

She broke it off. She told me I needed to grow up....essentially get more financially responsible. We had alot of disagreements over money.

And her being a crabby b*tch

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

HER: So are you going to start dating other women soon?
(so does this mean that I won't have you wrapped around my little finger anymore? I won't be able to use you as an emotional tampon when I'm feelin bad and ugly about myself?)

ME: Umm, I don't know right now. Why?

HER: Just curious....
(I'm curious because I need men to tell me I'm beautiful and that I'm a princess. I'm curious because my financial stress is causing me to hate my life now. I am curous because when you kiss my ass in the past, it made me feel better.)

ME: Well, I'm not going to wait forever, when it happens, it'll happen.

HER: Oh. (kind of weird sad tone)
(So you're telling me you won't be my puppet anymore? Awww..then who will be my AFC now?)

ME: How about you? (I know, I fell right in huh?)

HER: I'm not looking for anybody. I guess if the perfect guy came along...
(If the right AFC came along who can kiss my ass the way you did...well..if you still want to be that AFC, come right along cactus)

ME: Okay.

HER: But like I said, I'm not looking for anyone.
(I'm just an attention wh*re. I'm not looking to settle right now because I want to keep my options open. I want another AFC to love me)

ME: Great. Listen, I gotta go. Talk to you later. Bye.

 

[cactus3178]

It's like a daily battle with myself trying to keep it real because one side of me knows that I f*cked up with the money thing....don't get me wrong, I'm no scrub, I've got a good job, but honestly, I don't know the first God damn thing about managing money. So one part of me thinks she's right about that. She gave me the whole "you need to be more responsible because I can't see a future with you right now" speal.


But another part of me hates the way she dumped me because of it, then treated me like sh*t while I wondered what the f*ck just happened. I hate the disrespect, the rudeness, and most of all, how I have to listen to her friends tell me how much she's still in love with me. Christ.


I've been told by several people on here to cut contact, which I did. Then she starts calling me...

The fault doesn't lie completely with her. I made some mistakes, but she axed me, and that's what left me so bitter because I don't think I deserved it.

I'll be doing the no contact thing again, but in the back of my head, I think she wants me back and I'm trying my best to keep grounded and not run back like the AFC I'm trying so hard to evict from my brain.

Coming here helps. Thanks, guys.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Hey bro..we've all been there..

Whatever your financial burdens are, just work on them and make yourself better. Work hard, take care of your business, and you'll automatically gain other's respect because you'll be gaining your own respect in the interm.

You're the only one who knows the scenerio fully, but, maybe its time to focus on you first bro. Maybe she was the kick in the n*ts you needed to get our stuff together. But, don't do it for the sole reason to get back with her. DO IT FOR YOURSELF. MAKE YOURSELF BETTER. BE CONFIDENT IN YOURSELF.

THE women will flock to that confidence no doubt.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

i wanted to add..

i have a huge problem with women/gf's asking for an ultimatum to change and if the change isnt met, she'll leave..

IMO - the truest testiment of a woman's affection toward you is if she will be with you when times are at its worst. when you're the poorest, when you're eating mac and cheese for dinner, when you're wearing the same t-shirt three days in a row, yet - she still respects you, will cook you that mac and cheese, and help you get out of your 'rut' - thats the true testiment of a good woman.

its easy for her to be around when the times are good..but..look what she did when the times were rough...

just think about that for a second my friend..

dont you deserve better than a woman who only will be with you when the sailing is good, yet, run for the first life jacket and let you drown when the boat is sinking?

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

She was 'serious' about you and wanted to marry you but was scared of your financial irresponsibility!! If a woman didn't care about you and marriage she could care less of how you spent your money!! She sounds like a good women in this regard!!

She obviously likes you but she wants a mature serious relationship and a man who is fiscally responsible to take care of family financial matters!!

If she had no other complaints then she saw you as husband material but with a major financial flaw! Not necessary a gold-digger but a financially responsible-minded person!

 

[WaterTiger]

Originally posted by cactus3178
I haven't spoken to my ex g/f in two weeks, even when we 'bumped' into each other at the bar, I just played it cool and didn't try to talk to her.

CACTUS, YOU ROCK!!!!
I am SOOOOO proud of you!

HYPNOTIQ's translation is right on the mark. She's pissed that you aren't there for her to kick around anymore. You're surviving without her, she didn't think you'd be able to do that! I think you handled the phone conversation just right. Stay strong and don't give into her.

As for the learning to handle your money. Go to your local book store and you'll find a million books on handling your personal finances. If I can do it, (the impulse buyer who is rotten at math) then YOU can do it!

 

[Don_Marko]

Originally posted by -HPNOTIQ-

i have a huge problem with women/gf's asking for an ultimatum to change and if the change isnt met, she'll leave..

IMO - the truest testiment of a woman's affection toward you is if she will be with you when times are at its worst. when you're the poorest, when you're eating mac and cheese for dinner, when you're wearing the same t-shirt three days in a row, yet - she still respects you, will cook you that mac and cheese, and help you get out of your 'rut' - thats the true testiment of a good woman.

its easy for her to be around when the times are good..but..look what she did when the times were rough...

Quite nicely put and right on the point IMHO

 

[CLOONEY]

Get your big azz balls out and stop talking to her alltogether. Every man has ballz, some dont have the courage to use them!

-HPNOTIQ-s interpretation of her ******** was spot on!

Why do u even care? This girl needs to grow the fukc up, she aint worth a peice of your time.

Time is the most valuable of all resources, once it is used it is irreplaceable! Stop wasting it on this sad excuse for a woman.