"Blank Mind on Dates? She's Dropping Hints You Keep Missing"

The plates get cleared and the silence lands like a brick. You can feel her waiting. Your brain offers up your commute, your job, the weather — topics that have ended more second dates than bad breath.

Here's what most guys never learn: women hand out free conversational material all night long. Tiny clues about what they actually want to discuss. Catch them and you never run out of things to say — because she's telling you what to say next.

Rule 4 of the "22 Rules" trains your ear to catch every single one.

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My encounter with a typical N. American nutjob - how did I deal with it guys?

Don Juanabbe

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Hey everyone,

So, I met this girl at a pub that I frequent. (She works there) At first, I paid her little mind. She's cute and all that. Then about 2-3 weeks in I start getting major signals from her. Talking about me to a good friend. Lot's of eye contact. Dropping hints and comments like, "I definitely need to get together with a guy like you" and "Keep actin like this and I'm gonna have to ask you out". Right, so all initiated by her. Sounds good to start, I'm thinking. She even went so far as to mention that she had recently broke up with her boyfriend.

Anyway, I did what I needed to do, and ended up going out for a drink with her a couple times after she got off work, and got her phone number. But also, there was a red flag. While out with her at one point, I'm sitting in a booth with her, and things are going well, so I move in for a kiss, which she reciprocates - at least initially. After about 20 seconds of tonguing, she pushes me away, saying, "I can't do this right now, I'm not ready for it." So, I said no problem, and backed off for the rest of the time, perhaps about another 40 minutes of conversation. She drives me home, everything is cool (I think) and she tells me to call her.

Soooo, I wait about 4 days, and call her on the Thursday. She can't make it, she had car trouble and had to take it in, and didn't want me to go out to her area. Red flag number two. She says to call her again, but at any rate, she would be working all weekend, so she wanted me to drop in there, so we'd see each other anyway and hook up.

Seeing as I frequent her place of work anyway, I went in the following night - Friday. Red flag number 3 - she ain't working. But here's the kicker - she shows up through the front door, dressed to the NINES. Looking fine as f*ck with her girlfriend. Just passing through to the back of the place - WHERE SHE HAS HER CAR PARKED!! I'm sitting with the boys, and she walks past, barely talks to me, says hi and talks to everyone at the table, except me, and leaves with her friend, saying she's going out clubbing. Red flags number 4, 5 and 6 right there.

Whatever, I say to myself. So, she wants to play childish girly games? Fine. I'll keep pursuing her, but not seriously, only for a shag. If she wants to play it like this, she'll get burned.

I got word that she also wasn't at work the next two nights either - so she lied about that as well.

Nevertheless, I think, well, I'll give her one more shot at acting like a mature woman, and phone her the following Tuesday, which she had suggested over the phone anyway. (Saying she was working most of the time in between, which she was not, in reality, of course.) She picks up the phone. We have a little idle chit chat, but when it comes to arranging to get together that night, like she said she wanted to, she said she's having, "A lazy day, and would like to postpone, but asked me to call her on the following Thursday." Ok. Serious alarm bells are ringing. But, being stupid, I messed up, and attempted a call the Thursday, to which I got no answer. Surprise, surprise. She's always home that time of day. I figure, well, she's a serious gameplayer, so I hang up, not leaving a message or anything.

I was to go away for the weekend, so I did just that, not thinking much of it.

I get back the following week about Tuesday, and happen to go into where she works for a pint and she's there. Well. She starts laying in on me at the bar, "Soooo, did someone forget to call someone the other day?" To which I reply, "No, I called you. You weren't in." So she says, "There's such a thing as leaving a message you know!". All mad like. I said, "Oh well, I guess I forgot."

Ladi da di da. I decide, of course, that's that, I'm not gonna bother any more, right? It's done for me, move along. Right? Wrong.

She gets MORE aggressive with the flirting. Really aggressive. Giving me long, lingering, '**** me now' stares, all the time. She starts neg hitting me like mad, all the time.

At this point, I'm resigned to just being cordial to her. I don't reciprocate any interest. I talk to her when I see her, but only as a friend might. This goes on another MONTH!!!!. She gets worse with the flirtation. She won't get the message and won't leave me alone. Always coming over and talking to me, and kinoing me heavily. Basically driving me nuts. Asking me when I'm gonna call her, when were gonna go out.

Well, I'm not falling for it. So one night, I bring in ANOTHER woman. (Kind of a friend. Very hot. She knows the situation too.) We proceed to get drunk at a table nearby the bar. I notice the psycho getting all jealous. Looking over at the table all the time. I ignore her completely. My lady friend that I'm with starts getting really drunk, rubbing my leg right in front of her, touching me all over, because she wants to help me get back at this wretched little hor.

Well, how does this little scenario end up? Me, pissed drunk at the bar, making out with my drunk girl FRIEND - I mean tongues jammed down each others throats for about half an hour while that little phycho turd is stuck there behind the bar having to watch us, darting around, this way and that, pretending to look busy, so she doesn't have to watch me play tonsil hockey with this other chick. I left with the chick, but I won't get into detail about that - suffice it to say, the rest of the evening went very well.

LOL! The psycho doesn't bother me anymore.

So. I know I made a few mistakes, but I think I recovered quite nicely. Having girl friends is pretty handy, isn't it?

P.S. - I found out later through a friend of hers that she had never really broken up with her boyfriend - but that he was a real drugged up, abusive loser, and she would leave him if the 'Right' man came about......

Man, women are pathetic.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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squirrels

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That's her friend talking, that "right man came along" sh!t. The abusive druggie IS the right man as far as she's concerned. Her friend would like to see her leave him for someone else and assumes that she's sane. :rolleyes:

Anyway, when you first got that push away with the "it's not right, I can't do this" crap, you should've just said goodnight, smiled, and left. The momentum of the evening was broken and sitting and talking for another 40 minutes makes you the B!tch in the situation. She knows you're not there for conversation at that point...you're hanging around because you're waiting for her to get horny enough to continue...but sitting there talking isn't going to do it for you. If she shuts down the mood, it's time to go home. Not get mad, just smile and be on your way and call her again another time.

I'm sure she realized her mistake when she saw you making out with the other girl, though. Nicely done. ;)
 

AlwaysExcel

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I love how you used the rejection to turn your friend into a make out partner. Play 'em against each other!
 

PeeGee

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The entire first half read like an AFC, I'm sorry to say. You kept calling her instead of moving on, and I was expecting a failed ending.

Then you put that HB twist. Holy crap! Nice story!
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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