"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Music w/explicit content: bad for a first date?

Jaxon

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Most of the music I listen to is hiphop/punk/rock with a low to medium amount of "foul" language. To me the type of music I like would almost be weird without cussing. It doesn't have f-bombs every other word or anything, but here and there throughout a song.

So, about the first date. When you're driving it seems stupid not to have some sort of music going--I always have something going when I'm driving so I don't see why that should change just because there's a chick there. But what about the cussing? There are two main concerns I have with it for a first date:

1. The girl is offended by it. This could put her in a foul mood and lead you off to a bad start.

2. It gives her a bad impression of you. You can get away with more later on the road once she knows you and won't judge you, but you only get to make one first impression.

A counter argument to my concerns is that if the girl is offended by it then you don't want to be with her anyway since your interests should naturally line up. The focus is also on us, especially at the beginning. We choose the date, the time, etc etc. I think music should also fall into this, short of being rude.

I know chicks who are cool with cussing from the start, I know chicks who aren't down with it at all, and I know some who don't mind it once they get comfortable with you.

Overall I'm torn between doing my own thing and being rude, because there is a difference. What do you other DJ's think?
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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sam3083

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You answered your own question yourself.


You know the answer. Trust the gut
 

Heart Break Kid

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Ever date a hot goth girl? There's nothing like making out to homicidal retribution by dying fetus. >_> Ugh memories...

Punk/rock is usually fine for girls and why not some old school hip-hop? Bonita Applebum by A Tribe Called Quest! And yes, trust your gut.
 

surfdog

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from where I'm from Sydney/Australia the hottest girls are all into house/electro..why not try some of that? see if she likes them
 

Snowyk

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Who cares?
You said it yourself, if you are going out with a chick who gets that offended by music, the date is probably not going to go well anyway.

Now, as far as controlling the environment of the first date to make it as palatable as possible.

If you aren't listening to music that YOU like (Cursing or no) then you aren't going to be as comfortable because it's not going to be as natural for you

Truth be told, I don't know any chicks who are SO uncomfortable with cursing that it would be a deal breaker. Maybe if you were dropping the F-bomb every second word in your conversation, but surely not some occasional explicit language in the music you listen to?

I say be yourself man, that means keeping your music.
 

"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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thatguyjamalx

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Yeah man, don't over think this
Just play the songs you wanna play,
if she gets offended, just turn the song up.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Jaxon said:
...So, about the first date. When you're driving it seems stupid not to have some sort of music going--I always have something going when I'm driving so I don't see why that should change just because there's a chick there. ...
It doesn't matter as long as the music holds her attention so that you don't have to interact with her.
 
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