So I've been talking with this girl for a little while and I'm lookin to make moves to start dating. Only making out and kissing at this point. Most of my prior girls I've just got laid and been done. This one I feel is a bit different and want to change the engagement a bit. We have hung out 4 times since we met. I'm good with bringing the close, getting numbers and getting laid. But not so much transition to dating. I haven't made moves to get laid yet, been keeping it slow, is this a mistake? Next idea is to push for going to lunch or dinner for the next encounter. Would pushing for a date like this be to soon? Also I'm pretty good when it comes to talking but I do feel like the dinner/lunch dynamic changes the game a bit. What's your opinion?
"The Kiss of Death Mistake"
You replay the conversation at 2 a.m. She texted back fast yesterday. Today, nothing. Was that smile friendly or flirty? What did the shoulder touch mean?
Every hour you spend decoding her signals drains your confidence and hands her the controls. Women can sense that insecurity from across the room — and it repels them.
One of the "22 Rules" kills the obsession on the spot: assume she likes you, and act accordingly. Sounds too simple. Works anyway.
Her interest tends to rise to meet your expectations. Psychologists call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Moving from casual hookup to dating
- Thread starter Swerve90
- Start date
"She's Out of Your League"
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
TheException
Master Don Juan
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Never look to date exclusively....let that unravel on its own. If you are looking to get into a relationship with a woman.....she is automatically the prize. This is one of the biggest lessons Ive ever learned. No matter how much I may like a girl, it never ends well if Im constantly pushing for a relationship. One tends to get jealous and insecure more easily.Swerve90 said:So I've been talking with this girl for a little while and I'm lookin to make moves to start dating.
Getting laid should be your #1 priority.....not dating a girl you havent even slept with.Only making out and kissing at this point.
The "this one is different" trap.....ONEitis is very close my friend. Youve hung out a mere 4 times and your acting like this is some long sought after prize. Chill and relax a bit. Just hang out, enjoy your time together, and push for sex.This one I feel is a bit different and want to change the engagement a bit. We have hung out 4 times since we met.
Yes.....its a huge mistake. Instead of going out for lunch.....invite her over and cook for her at your place. Throw on a movie after and escalate to sex.I haven't made moves to get laid yet, been keeping it slow, is this a mistake?
Came to all these realizations over just thinking about where I'm at this morning. Thanks for this, get caught up on the prize and forget about calmly playin the game like I normally do. Not one of my suavest moments. But the damage isn't to deep, it's repairable. Next move is definitely cook at my place. I'll post some results suave can be proud of.
Harry Wilmington
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3 months.
That's the time frame you should have in your head for how long it will take her to feel comfortable enough with you to want to make you the boyfriend. You will know this when she says those magical words: "So, what are we?"
Until she asks this question, DO NOT VERBALLY BRING UP THE TOPIC OF YOU TWO BEING TOGETHER AS A COUPLE. Yes, you want to do things like take her out, bring her to your place, hook up, etc., but let HER be the one to try and establish a title for what you two are doing. As long as she's continuing to accept dates and hang out with you, assume it means you're still in the running. But yeah, 3 months - until then, don't assume she's ready to be the girlfriend - it should allow you to be more patient and not rush things.
That's the time frame you should have in your head for how long it will take her to feel comfortable enough with you to want to make you the boyfriend. You will know this when she says those magical words: "So, what are we?"
Until she asks this question, DO NOT VERBALLY BRING UP THE TOPIC OF YOU TWO BEING TOGETHER AS A COUPLE. Yes, you want to do things like take her out, bring her to your place, hook up, etc., but let HER be the one to try and establish a title for what you two are doing. As long as she's continuing to accept dates and hang out with you, assume it means you're still in the running. But yeah, 3 months - until then, don't assume she's ready to be the girlfriend - it should allow you to be more patient and not rush things.
3 months idea sounds like the right move. First I need to reestablish and fix damage. Should I do this before or after an invite to the apartment. I figure it would be easiest in a setting with girls, easier negs and take away thoughts that she is the prize. Got to get back into the mode I had to pull her in the first place, just gets increasingly difficult when she's the dime you've been in the game for. Just need to clear my head and get back to the basics. Any suggestions on repairing damage? Should I wait a few days before talking to her again?
"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
Harry Wilmington
Master Don Juan
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For starters: don't get all caught up in SoSuave language mumbo jumbo. All this trying to neg and make her think she's not the prize stuff really reflects more on how you feel about yourself than her. You don't need to take someone else down in order for them to feel insecure enough about themselves to not screw you over - despite the experiences you may have had with women in the past, most women really aren't out to get you. And, most of them already have self-image and self-esteem issues despite the front they may put on. I've dated all types of women, from rail skinny to model looking to overweight chicks, and all of them have this feeling of "I need to fix something about myself" already in their heads.
I say that to say, so long as you're giving off the vibe that you're confident in yourself, that alone will help her see you as a prize to be won, without having to make her feel crummy. With that said: I'm not seeing exactly what damage you need to fix. Again, SoSuave language will have you thinking you failed because you've gone out with her 4 times and haven't had sex. Don't fall for this. The last few girls I dated, I purposefully waited 2 to 4 months to bang them. Remember, as fun as sex is, it's also a bonding act. After having had a few first/second-date hook ups, I realized that some of those girls ended up not being ones I should have bonded with in the first place, or ended up having emotional baggage that I turned a blind eye to so I could score. The main fear most guys on these boards have is that she'll lose interest if you don't give her the D right away - and yet, many of them have stories about sexing the chick they were after but then having her lose interest. In other words, the thing they feared would happened ended up happening anyway.
So, if you've been able to make out with the chick on most of these outings, you're doing fine. And believe me, when she's ready to take that next step she'll let you know in her own way. The most obvious one would be if SHE invites herself over to your place or her place. In fact, these days I always let the girl initiate the whole "apartment visit" thing because, as I always say, if SHE's the one bringing it up, you can't get rejected.
Until then, make her FEEL like you want her for more than that by inviting her out to do stuff. Dinner and a movie is kinda safe but good if you're nervous; also good is comedy clubs - it gets her laughing (which puts her in a good mood) and most places offer drinks. So, you'll have her laughing and drinking, which should loosen her up to want to do other things. Also good: dancing. Salsa dancing is great for seduction; taking her to a night club for dancing allows her to get comfortable with the idea of rubbing up against you; and it's exercise, which will get her endorphins moving.
Lastly - and I can't stress this enough - even though you feel she's a dime, ALWAYS ASSUME THE WOMAN DOES NOT SEE HERSELF THAT WAY. In her head, she's probably a 6 or 7 at best - the goal is to play off how SHE feels about herself, not how you or the world sees her. Plus, once you spend enough time with her she WILL be taken down a few numbers in your scorebook. Once I realized that, at some point, any girl I date will want to have an argument, or emotional issue, or do something that's gross, or do something to annoy me, it made it easier for me to talk to ALL girls because I knew that, while their outer shell may be aesthetically pleasing, you will end up having to deal with some of their bullcrap. This made me look at them like a REAL PERSON with flaws, thus allowing me to talk to and date anyone regardless of their looks.
Hope this helps!
I say that to say, so long as you're giving off the vibe that you're confident in yourself, that alone will help her see you as a prize to be won, without having to make her feel crummy. With that said: I'm not seeing exactly what damage you need to fix. Again, SoSuave language will have you thinking you failed because you've gone out with her 4 times and haven't had sex. Don't fall for this. The last few girls I dated, I purposefully waited 2 to 4 months to bang them. Remember, as fun as sex is, it's also a bonding act. After having had a few first/second-date hook ups, I realized that some of those girls ended up not being ones I should have bonded with in the first place, or ended up having emotional baggage that I turned a blind eye to so I could score. The main fear most guys on these boards have is that she'll lose interest if you don't give her the D right away - and yet, many of them have stories about sexing the chick they were after but then having her lose interest. In other words, the thing they feared would happened ended up happening anyway.
So, if you've been able to make out with the chick on most of these outings, you're doing fine. And believe me, when she's ready to take that next step she'll let you know in her own way. The most obvious one would be if SHE invites herself over to your place or her place. In fact, these days I always let the girl initiate the whole "apartment visit" thing because, as I always say, if SHE's the one bringing it up, you can't get rejected.
Until then, make her FEEL like you want her for more than that by inviting her out to do stuff. Dinner and a movie is kinda safe but good if you're nervous; also good is comedy clubs - it gets her laughing (which puts her in a good mood) and most places offer drinks. So, you'll have her laughing and drinking, which should loosen her up to want to do other things. Also good: dancing. Salsa dancing is great for seduction; taking her to a night club for dancing allows her to get comfortable with the idea of rubbing up against you; and it's exercise, which will get her endorphins moving.
Lastly - and I can't stress this enough - even though you feel she's a dime, ALWAYS ASSUME THE WOMAN DOES NOT SEE HERSELF THAT WAY. In her head, she's probably a 6 or 7 at best - the goal is to play off how SHE feels about herself, not how you or the world sees her. Plus, once you spend enough time with her she WILL be taken down a few numbers in your scorebook. Once I realized that, at some point, any girl I date will want to have an argument, or emotional issue, or do something that's gross, or do something to annoy me, it made it easier for me to talk to ALL girls because I knew that, while their outer shell may be aesthetically pleasing, you will end up having to deal with some of their bullcrap. This made me look at them like a REAL PERSON with flaws, thus allowing me to talk to and date anyone regardless of their looks.
Hope this helps!