Messed up a LTR not sure if I can salvage it.

[Muscobra449]

Hey guys posted here before about this and made up a tremendous amount of ground. I messed up in this relationship from the beginning, showering her with complements over text, telling her i love her all the time, and doing everything I shouldn't have looking back.

Awhile back she went out for "drinks" with this guy. Long story short is she said she watched his dog and so in return he was taking her out for drinks. RED FLAG. Any girl worth being with in a relationship obviously shouldn't be essentially going out on a date with some random dude. Next thing I know not picking up on these signs because of how cloudy my head was shes texting and snapchatting him all the time, and in contact with him a lot.

She tells me it isnt a big deal and last time I broached the subject she said "snapchat isnt a big deal" and "ill take care of it" when it came to texting him. Im 99% sure she hasnt "taken care" of it. I'm pretty resentful of her but at the same time I have started to change my attitude on relationships and got back to where i was. I took away my interest and she has been calling and acting interested ever since. I don't know if this is salvageable at this point and for how much I ****ed up I dont think thats out of the question.

I still like her (I think) even though I resent her now. You think its worth it? I thought she might be worth my time in the future and from what i did to start this relationship I can't blame her for what she did. What do you guys think? Lay down the law and change the relationship or call it a day?

 

[Atom Smasher]

Why can't you blame her for what she did?

What I'm getting from your post is that she started going out with this guy while still officially with you. Is this correct?

If so, I strongly recommend you eject. Women who date other men while with you are not worth the time of day.

 

[Muscobra449]

Why can't you blame her for what she did?

What I'm getting from your post is that she started going out with this guy while still officially with you. Is this correct?

If so, I strongly recommend you eject. Women who date other men while with you are not worth the time of day.

Only reason I said i can't blame her is because of the **** I did. She hasn't cheated on me I know that and she isn't going out with him by any means.

 

[sylvester the cat]

She hasn't cheated on me I know that and she isn't going out with him by any means.

yet....

 

[Muscobra449]

yet....

Right but I feel like I have changed the frame of the relationship already...which is why I'm asking this question.

 

[BlakeOliver]

Salvaging this or not isn't the main question here - you touched on it in your OP:

I still like her (I think) even though I resent her now.

The fact she's dated someone else (if not more) means the damage is done in your eyes - you now resent her, not sure if you like her. Also you didn't say exactly how long ago these drinks happened?

That all spells disaster, and I'd avoid winning her back or whatever.

 

[Cremasta]

Not one thing you've said in this entire thread suggests that you might have a halfway decent future together.

What's so unique or wonderful about this girl that you can't find somewhere else?

 

[expos]

Any girl worth being with in a relationship obviously shouldn't be essentially going out on a date with some random dude.

Your words. She basically doesn't see your relationship together as a big deal.

What do you guys think? Lay down the law and change the relationship or call it a day?

This is exactly what you should do. To be honest, it looks like she only got defensive and started caring once you said something about it. she should be high interest at all times and not looking around for a better deal if she really cared about you.

I say, in this circumstance, that you do lay down the law and give her a very very short leash. If she ever talks to him again and seems lazy in the relationship, tell her to hit the bricks.

 

[Muscobra449]

Your words. She basically doesn't see your relationship together as a big deal.




This is exactly what you should do. To be honest, it looks like she only got defensive and started caring once you said something about it. she should be high interest at all times and not looking around for a better deal if she really cared about you.

I say, in this circumstance, that you do lay down the law and give her a very very short leash. If she ever talks to him again and seems lazy in the relationship, tell her to hit the bricks.

About to do that now. Thanks guys.

 

[om1xr]

The real problem with most of guys here is Clinging to good or bad experiences and past and not being able of letting go of what's comfortable/familiar and chase new experiences and relationships outside of their comfort zone.

 

[Muscobra449]

The real problem with most of guys here is Clinging to good or bad experiences and past and not being able of letting go of what's comfortable/familiar and chase new experiences and relationships outside of their comfort zone.

I agree with this. Talked to her and told her exactly what the deal was. She basically ate it up. Says she is going to change and I told her actions are louder then words. If she doesn't improve shes gone and now she knows it.

 

[sylvester the cat]

I told her actions are louder then words.

You 'told' her this did you?

Interesting.

 

[Muscobra449]

You're absolutely fvcked.

Why do you say that?

 

[Muscobra449]

You 'told' her this did you?

Interesting.

Also I have already shown her through my actions what I mean. I have not been responsive to anything she has tried to throw at me. She stepped back 10 feet and I stepped back 100. I mean you guys seem to be getting at something...