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Mental update- over oneitis, but she's still in my head to an extent...

nomorebetaBS

Don Juan
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Just to follow up on this story of mine... https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/the-cringe-story-that-broke-me.266137/

The no-contact really has been helping shift my mentality about the situation. I haven't even signed into the email address where I was in touch with her since, and the situation is stinging my ego less and less. I do get a moment of "fvck" about it every now and then, but thanks to even just the advice all over this place, I've been more able to internalize a perspective that even if I ****ed it up cringe-ily, I don't have to feel embarrassed about it. Digging deeper, that was the feeling that really hurt me about the situation, not the specific girl. It just stung harder because of her looks, and seeming to be my type personality-wise helped make it easy to for someone as inexperienced as me to go weak and forget anything I knew about how to handle these situations. Not that I'm an expert, but at least I've known enough to stop them before they happen other times. I guess when infatuation catches you off guard a lot goes out the window.

Reading stories at least as cringey imo, and seeing experienced members advise based on some kind of "we've all been there" mentality has helped ground me and feel I'm not alone, and I'm not the worst but even if I was, I don't have to feel bad and always have a choice to keep learning and trying. At least I wasn't in something deep and continuing to insist on trying to fix it in spite of all the advice to just get out of it. When you really step outside yourself and see why you have to find your own power to man up and stop the beta bs (yup, hence the name), it can be difficult and hurtful at first to see yourself acting that way and wanting to judge it as pathetic. Maybe it's necessary for a bit, but that can't last forever.

I'm also having much longer periods of being engaged in my day, and when she randomly pops in my head it doesn't throw off my mood. Instead, it's more of a "Well, that sucks, but whatever" now. I am internalizing that she ain't worth feeling bad over, that I deserve better treatment, and that she missed out more than I did.

I've been internalizing all this even without having tried to meet women again yet. Mainly cause of other situations going on, not related to any self-improvement I'm doing, that don't make my life currently conducive to it time or space-wise. But even without that, definitely focusing on the self-improvement before anything else. All this stuff really is way more important than whether you get women or not. In my case, I also have to have the strength to overcome the sting of having missed out on and messed up so many opportunities the last 2 decades, and thus been with so many fewer women and had so many fewer experiences than just about anyone else at my age. Sometimes it makes me feel cucked by the whole world and like I missed the boat on this whole aspect of life. But ****, 36 really is nothing, so why am I acting some old, broken down man? This is one extreme example of the toxicity the blue pill sets us up for, but I'm glad I'm not going to let that beat me anymore.
 
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