Mental block when day approaching

[Pandora]

I have been cold approaching women in the daytime at random places. But during the conversation i always stop short of asking for the number. This is especially true if i am not getting obvious signs of interest. It is very difficult to tell if they are being polite or if they really want you to ask. I end up walking away without asking. This haunts me for the rest of the day. It is the absolute worst pain. The regret of never knowing what could have happened if you just had the balls to ask. The funny thing is that this is a very recent problem.

Cold approaching recently got me out of my 6 month dry spell. I cold approached on 2 recent occasions and got laid with 2 chicks i cold approached. But after getting laid i have developed a mental block that makes me pus** out when the time comes to ask for the number. I don't know what is wrong with me. This is unlike me.

I think day game and approaching women at every opportunity you get is the key to a abundance mentality. Dating is essentially a numbers game. Every time i approach like a mad man for a about 3 weeks, i end up getting laid or lucky. Good things happen. We as men need to get over our fear of cold approaching in the daytime. This is where most of the opportunities are. But approaching in the day is the hardest most terrifying thing ever. If you are not feeling confident that day for what ever reason....you are done.

 

[MOTU]

I am struggling with this too. I have gotten pretty good at starting chit chat but haven't been able to translate that into a number close. Baby steps I guess.

 

[zekko]

I have been cold approaching women in the daytime at random places. But during the conversation i always stop short of asking for the number. This is especially true if i am not getting obvious signs of interest. It is very difficult to tell if they are being polite or if they really want you to ask. I end up walking away without asking.

You might say that you are making it about her when you should be making it about yourself. You wonder if SHE wants you to ask for her number, when YOU are the one who wants it. You're waiting for permission to ask for the number. You know the old saying, "make the ho say no".

On the other hand, I understand because I absolutely HATE wasting my time with low interest women. Once you have experienced the behavior of high interest women, it's hard to go back. But you're very early in the interaction, so you can't always expect her to be eager from the get go. You just have to decide what it is you want from these approaches. Are you wanting to collect rejections (you sound like you are experiencing Pook's classic "rejection is better than regret")? Or are you wanting to screen for a higher success rate? Neither approach is necessarily wrong, depending on what you want.

 

[Pandora]

Pandora,
Life is short so who cares if you strike out, and 3. Not every interaction will or should end in a number close, but if you don't try, 99% won't.

So true. I mean honestly this is how we should look at life in general. We are going to die one day. So we might as well go for it. This is why is hurts soo much when you end up being to afraid to go for it. This applies to everything, not just women.

 

[Pandora]

On the other hand, I understand because I absolutely HATE wasting my time with low interest women. Once you have experienced the behavior of high interest women, it's hard to go back.

Yeh exactly. You start to develop a 6th sense for women who are genuinely interested in you. Women with only moderate interest are very difficult to read in a cold approach. This is where it gets very difficult on your psyche. As much as cold approaching sucks, its the only way to have abundance with women for most guys. Picking up chicks only in clubs/bars has diminishing returns and its inefficient. Decent looking chicks are all around us. Everywhere. So they are not very scarce. They just become scarce when we are too afraid to strike out horribly.

Think about it. Once we master day approaches, there should be no reason why a guy cant have an abundance of females as potential plates.

 

[Pandora]

I am struggling with this too. I have gotten pretty good at starting chit chat but haven't been able to translate that into a number close. Baby steps I guess.

Yeh man, i mean i guess we just gotta put our ego aside and just go for it. We are all gonna die so go all out. I know you kick urself like crazy after she walks away and you didnt ask lol..

 

[Warrior74]

I am trying to overcome a mental block unrelated to dating. I took a long time last night to talk it out with a friend and I think I identified the problem. FEAR. When I get over this hurdle, everything in my life will change. I will have new responsiblities and new challenges but also bigger rewards. I know my situation is crappy right now and I know I can make it better but I don't know how it's going to be better or if I can even do it. But I have no choice. It's either do it or stay where I'm at. My fear is the fear of success. Once I get it..then what. Now that I know the name of my demon I can fight him.

Identify your fear, name your demon. Then fight him like hell.

 

[guru1000]

I am trying to overcome a mental block unrelated to dating. I took a long time last night to talk it out with a friend and I think I identified the problem. FEAR.

http://www.slideshare.net/RobertGreene/the-50th-law-10-lessons-in-fearlessness

 

[user43770]

I have been cold approaching women in the daytime at random places. But during the conversation i always stop short of asking for the number. This is especially true if i am not getting obvious signs of interest. It is very difficult to tell if they are being polite or if they really want you to ask. I end up walking away without asking. This haunts me for the rest of the day. It is the absolute worst pain. The regret of never knowing what could have happened if you just had the balls to ask. The funny thing is that this is a very recent problem.

I've been having trouble with this recently, too. I go through these stretches where I'm super confident and I go for close. After a string of rejections, I lose my confidence. It's hard for me to shake this.

Tyler of RSD suggests changing the way you look at rejections. He says that you should frame getting rejected as the goal. You tell yourself you're going to get rejected a certain amount of times every time you go out. By framing rejection as success, you eventually lose the fear.

I think most of us tend to put all of our focus on getting the number and eventually getting laid. That's a lot of pressure to put on yourself when you're playing a numbers game.

 

[BMX]

Go for the kill. The worst is a no, or some excuse as to why not. Then you tell yourself mentally: "Cool. Thanks for playing."