"Nervous Around Beautiful Women? There's a Rule for That"

I could talk to any woman I wasn't attracted to. Charming, funny, relaxed. Then a gorgeous woman looked my way and I'd become a sweating, babbling mess.

The fix took me years to find and ten minutes to learn. Nervousness and excitement are the same physical state — pounding heart, adrenaline, flushed face. Your brain just picks the label. And you can pick a better one.

Rule 16 shows you how. You feel the nerves, relabel them as excitement, and let that energy pour out as enthusiasm. Women notice the guy radiating it. They always do.

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Meeting my 1st girl from OkCupid

R

Rubato

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I have never met up with a girl from POF/OkCupid before and it seems like most of the people here have a pretty low opinion of these girls. To what extent if any does this differ from any other type of a meetup? Presuming there's no flake, we're supposed to meet up for drinks.

So what's the deal here? From what I gather, it seems most people say something like keep it short (~45min - 1hr), keep the drink count low, stay mysterious, kiss close, go home.
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Mk951

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As a rule of thumb, try to keep it short to maintain a good IL.
Probably the girl is going to be a bit more receptive than another one not dated from internet.

BTW, just try to have fun!
 

Dust 2 Dust

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I like to keep first dates to an hour/hour and a half at the most (typically 2 drinks). It's good that you're going for drinks. That way you can bail quickly after 1 drink if you feel you're not compatible.
 

Alex DeLarge

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An hour to hour and a half is good. I met up with girls who I met through facebook and myspace back in the day in real life.. That was actually how I got most dates before lol. It feels kinda awkward at first, but once you establish some connections you forget the whole "I met this chick through the internet" stigma.
 
R

Rubato

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My question is that I'm not sure how to work this. I've never met up with a girl I've met "online" before. I have no idea who this person is or anything about her except what she wrote about herself (very reliable, BTW :crazy: ). What am I supposed to do? I have learned that it's not a very good idea to spend your dates interviewing her, telling her your life's story, and/or talking about philosophy, economics, politics, or anything else that most normal people don't spend their daylight hours contemplating.

I'm sure this is one of those things you just have to do a few times before you get the feel of it. I've just never done it before.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Alex DeLarge

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Rubato said:
My question is that I'm not sure how to work this. I've never met up with a girl I've met "online" before. I have no idea who this person is or anything about her except what she wrote about herself (very reliable, BTW :crazy: ). What am I supposed to do? I have learned that it's not a very good idea to spend your dates interviewing her, telling her your life's story, and/or talking about philosophy, economics, politics, or anything else that most normal people don't spend their daylight hours contemplating.

I'm sure this is one of those things you just have to do a few times before you get the feel of it. I've just never done it before.
I'd say just hangout with her and shoot the sh1t.. Since you've read her profile, you guys probably have some stuff in common which is why you both decided to go out somewhere together.

For conversations what I usually do is this.. Just ask her any question

YOU: Hey so what do you do for fun on the weekends with your friends?
HB: I usually go to ____ to ____ with friends on the weekend.
YOU: Oh nice! Yeah I love to ____ on the weekend. Never been to ____ though, is it a good time?
HB: Yeah! blah blah (story time)
You: (picking up on commonalities from the story, you give story time back)

This kinda convo usually works out well for me and it just comes off naturally too. It helps in building comfort too. Doesn't matter if you met the chick in online dating, everyone does that crap nowadays. All that matters is if she's cool and attractive.. and if you're having a good time with her.
 

Serg897

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You are overthinking this Rubato. Just go and have a normal conversation like you would with anyone at a happy hour. You read her profile and problably exchanged several messages, you know what topics she is interested in. Just have fun and relax, and think to yourself "is this girl worthy of ME", not the other way around.

Let us know how it went.
 
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Rubato

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Thanks Serg and Alex!

I'll post a report when it's done.

I don't want to leave you with the impression that I've been obsessively thinking about this... I just wanted some insight from others who have gone down the road before me. This will now be leaving my mind until it's time for me to leave.
 

Absolut

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I met a girl from okcupid a few weeks ago.. just got back into meeting girls from pof/okcupid.

Told her to come meet me downtown, invited her to my place first for a drink, showed her some cool videos/music and **** on my computer while I was getting ready and just chatting about ****.. not "so what do you do, what's your favourite movie?" seems unnatural and awkward.

I went on yelp.ca and picked 3 cool places with high ratings neither of us have gone to before, went there, joked around and she flat out said you're hot, said ok lets go, brought her back to my place and that was that.

I think the biggest thing is to just have the mindset of lets go out and have a great time, adventure, explore, try new things and be playful/tease/flirt.. this takes off that weird "who's this internet stranger, I can't believe I'm doing this.."

Take the focus off of her, and plan on just having a great night that she's coming along on the adventure for where you are both going to have a blast.
 
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Rubato

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I ended up changing plans for yesterday and had the girl meet me at a country line dancing bar I go to on Friday nights. I did this because I felt like dancing would be a better date because there's built in action and it makes kino easier and natural. I also chose that because it felt like flake insurance to me. I have a social circle there and something that I like doing, so if she didn't show up, I'd still be having fun. There were also other girls to sarge out there.

I got to the bar early last night and ended up sarging these 2 girls, an HB 8 and HB 9. They had made friends with one of my girl friends before I arrived, so opening was easy. It turns out my date had sent me a message telling me her babysitter fell through earlier in the day, but I didn't check it so I didn't get it. She had texted me and I guess she found a replacement. I'm inclined to believe that's what was going on because she seemed, as much as I was able to tell in 2 hours, like she was being honest with me about that. And she ended up showing up.

I introduced her to my friends and they all seemed to like her, except one of my bros. I hang out with him every night before we go out to that bar and he told me he thought I could do better. I think she's a low 8, the general consensus was a high 7 to a low 9. I don't really care, she's attractive enough for me and a female.

I got a lot of good IOI's from here, she made several references to us doing it again... like...

"the next time we come out here..."
"next week we'll..."
"I'll have to bring my friend here next time"
"The next time we hang out..."

I made it a point to really focus on myself as the prize and her as someone who needs to prove herself to me. I didn't talk much about myself and spent some time qualifying her. Ever since I read Pook's most recent article about kino (specifically, how he doesn't kino), I really liked that and have been working on my eye contact and the way I look at a girl. My eye contact was awesome last night but a weak point in my game may have been that I was unsure about the effect I was having on the girl, so I kino'd some and I don't feel like it was weird or creepy and didn't get a bad vibe from her... None of my friends said I came across in-congruent, but I didn't feel totally congruent. I also didn't do a very good job of sexually escalating, but having never met this girl and being in a public place, I just wasn't sure what to do with that. She left about 2 hours after she got there because her sitter wasn't willing to hang out there all night and she made it a point to tell me twice to call her and that she had a really great time.

I'm going to have to make my next move a little quicker than normal because my traffic court date is this coming Thursday and there is still a good chance I could lose my license. I'd like to get another date under my belt before then so if I do lose my license, there is a higher level of attraction established. I've had other girls I've been with tell me they don't care if I lose my license, they'll drive me around. And while that remains to be seen whether they will, I'd take that sort of a sentiment over being called an irresponsible dumba$$.

I'll call her tomorrow and see if we can get together for a movie at her house on Wed. night. That won't require any sort of a sitter since she won't be going anywhere, and should give me a good environment to get some solid escalation going on. Any movie recommendations for this sort of thing? I haven't thought much about this since I've gotten on this website and think my old standby of Beauty and the Beast is probably pretty AFC. What's a good movie to watch with a girl that's conducive to sexual escalation?
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Nicholas

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oxford comma said:
a serbian film is pretty sexual. wikipedia it
This guy is joking. But you should watch it if you like hard movies, cause it can really affect you. I haven't seen it myself though (I'm from Serbia). Unless you're not into some sick sh1t or a movie freak, you ain't gonna enjoy it, trust me. :cool:
 

mocha2010

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Rubato said:
I have never met up with a girl from POF/OkCupid before and it seems like most of the people here have a pretty low opinion of these girls. To what extent if any does this differ from any other type of a meetup? Presuming there's no flake, we're supposed to meet up for drinks.

So what's the deal here? From what I gather, it seems most people say something like keep it short (~45min - 1hr), keep the drink count low, stay mysterious, kiss close, go home.
Ironically, I signed on POF once, only because I was working like 70 hours at work a week at the time (not anymore), did not have much time to get out and it was quick easy and free (high power job). But I am not on it anymore. You can meet a woman you like anywhere, online or off, never stereotype or draw blanket generalizations on anything in life. There is always and exception or diamond in the ruff. Online dating is a lottery, just like real life. I actually met a very very cool guy from POF.

I could be wrong but it seems alot of men stereotype women very easily. I went out with one guy I and he told " I must be depressed because I am too pretty to be online dating" crazy" or another guy deduced I was "high maintenance" because when we went out to the mall I was looking at the shoe department too much.

The moral of the story is "never generalize" or stereotype especially based upon other people's experiences. And do not be so quick to cancel anyone out, until you actually get to know them.
 

Viagra4Soul

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Agree with the above - all sorts end up at these sites, for all sorts of reasons.

Take everyone at face value - apply your own filter, and decide on a case by case basis. People's reactions to these sites are also THEIR reactions, and not neccessarily your's (different frames, different ratings, different filters)
 

pdx1138

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yeah don't lump everyone in the same category for sure.

I've been dating a cute/no drama girl I met on POF 2 months ago.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Iceberg

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pdx1138 said:
yeah don't lump everyone in the same category for sure.

I've been dating a cute/no drama girl I met on POF 2 months ago.
I am going to throw out one quick stereotype and say, I'd rather not be a 24 year old man dating a single mom. Too many extra steps in the dating process (finding babysitters, etc) for me to deal with at that age.
 
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Rubato

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Iceberg said:
I am going to throw out one quick stereotype and say, I'd rather not be a 24 year old man dating a single mom. Too many extra steps in the dating process (finding babysitters, etc) for me to deal with at that age.
I won't continue to date one either.

I will have sex with one.

This has 2 more "dates" to move towards sex and if it doesn't, I'm done.
 

Packers2010

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Rubato said:
My question is that I'm not sure how to work this. I've never met up with a girl I've met "online" before. I have no idea who this person is or anything about her except what she wrote about herself (very reliable, BTW :crazy: ). What am I supposed to do? I have learned that it's not a very good idea to spend your dates interviewing her, telling her your life's story, and/or talking about philosophy, economics, politics, or anything else that most normal people don't spend their daylight hours contemplating.

I'm sure this is one of those things you just have to do a few times before you get the feel of it. I've just never done it before.
i like to go shoot pool. or go record shopping.

it's what I like to do plus if she bails it's no big deal cos i will be right where i want to be.

( DISCLAIMER: this is what i would do if i could get a date. i guess wales isn't the place to meet girls like i thought it was)
 
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