Married men dating

[zekko]

I work with this guy, he's recently married. But he has the hottest girls at work flirting with him all the time, and he goes out on what essentially are "dates" with them, even though they call it just going out as friends. In some cases this appears to be true, in others it's pretty obvious there is more going on. Supposedly his wife doesn't mind him spending time with these women, although he says he doesn't always tell her what he's doing, or with whom.

What is your reaction to this? I know some people are just cheaters, so I'm not sure exactly why this disturbs me. Do you think "good for him", or "what a scumbag"? Mostly I'm just confused because I don't understand why his wife is okay with it - mainly because these are HOT women (and she is not so hot herself). I think she's just very naive. Do you think this sort of thing can be appropriate - he sometimes goes on long road trips with some of these girls, just the two of them?

By the way, I'm in a long term relationship myself, that's why I'm not bagging these women (in case you were wondering). I would not feel comfortable behaving in this manner, although I do sometimes wonder why he gets to have his cake and eat it too.

 

[WaterTiger]

His wife is either really naive or just oblivious...

Maybe they have an "open marriage"???

Pook always said most women are willing to share a succesful man than have a loser all to herself.

She may see it as letting him have his "little hobby" to keep him happy. He always comes home with his check. The house and the kids are stable and safe, and the two of them are compatable. That's why a woman gets married in the first place.

Who knows! Maybe she's into three-somes!


BTW, look on your local Craigslist under MEN FOR WOMEN. It will horrify you how many married men are on there looking for a woman on the side. Look for the word "discreet" in the title....

 

[scrouds]

By the way, I'm in a long term relationship myself, that's why I'm not bagging these women (in case you were wondering). I would not feel comfortable behaving in this manner, although I do sometimes wonder why he gets to have his cake and eat it too.

Jealous much?

 

[DonGorgon]

marriage means nothing at all anymore just paper work and contracts that ensure that women get payed after they are don with you.. most people cheat from early on and then divorce at the mans expence

 

[Duffdog]

He is more attractive than his wife, so pretty much he gets to do whatever and she has to put up with it. Next, you are going to find out that hot girls cheat... oh what a revelation that will be to you! The horror!! You mean to tell me that attractive people cheat on their significant others in relationships!??! I simply could not imagine such a thing...

People with greater power in a relationship will use it. Sometimes not for the benefit of the other person in the relationship.

 

[COD]

welcome to 2009.............its the case of having it all and your cake too.

 

[zekko]

Jealous much?

Not jealous, envious. I don't want to cheat on my lady, but I have to admit I do envy his knack for attracting the hotter females.

Duffdog, if you are saying that hot women cheat more than average women, you probably have a point there. It depends on the person though, I know there are some fairly scuzzy women who are extremely loose.

I think the thing with the hot women is: They're used to having attention from a lot of males, they might try to be monogamous but quickly get bored - they miss the excitement of all the guys hitting on them, the option of an affair is available to them, so they take it.

Makes you think that if you're looking for a long term relationship, maybe it would be better to aim a little lower, lookswise (nothing disgusting though). An awful lot of hot women are attention *****s.

 

[Soprano]

do onto others as u would have them do onto you

 

[Duffdog]

Not jealous, envious. I don't want to cheat on my lady, but I have to admit I do envy his knack for attracting the hotter females.

Duffdog, if you are saying that hot women cheat more than average women, you probably have a point there. It depends on the person though, I know there are some fairly scuzzy women who are extremely loose.

I think the thing with the hot women is: They're used to having attention from a lot of males, they might try to be monogamous but quickly get bored - they miss the excitement of all the guys hitting on them, the option of an affair is available to them, so they take it.

Makes you think that if you're looking for a long term relationship, maybe it would be better to aim a little lower, lookswise (nothing disgusting though). An awful lot of hot women are attention *****s.

Not jealous, envious. I don't want to cheat on my lady, but I have to admit I do envy his knack for attracting the hotter females.

Duffdog, if you are saying that hot women cheat more than average women, you probably have a point there. It depends on the person though, I know there are some fairly scuzzy women who are extremely loose.

I think the thing with the hot women is: They're used to having attention from a lot of males, they might try to be monogamous but quickly get bored - they miss the excitement of all the guys hitting on them, the option of an affair is available to them, so they take it.

Makes you think that if you're looking for a long term relationship, maybe it would be better to aim a little lower, lookswise (nothing disgusting though). An awful lot of hot women are attention *****s.

I should probably rephrase that: In a relationship, the person with more value gets do to whatever he/she wants and the person with lower value just has to take it. Could be male or female. The lower value person is easily replaceable but the higher value person is not. Thus, super hot women cheat on their husbands...because they can.

I get tired of typing those three words, but they keep coming up over and over.

 

[zekko]

In a relationship, the person with more value gets do to whatever he/she wants and the person with lower value just has to take it.

Now I don't agree with that. The person with more value probably WILL just go ahead and do whatever he/she wants, but the lower value person doesn't just have to take it. I don't care how smoking hot some chick is, I'm not going to be her doormat, or put up with certain behaviors. Now at that point, the super hottie will just move on and probably not care at all, because her value is so high. But the lower value person does not have to just sit there and take it.

By the way, I asked one of the girls what the big attraction with this guy is. Her reply was "He's just nice". So there you go, that pretty much flies in the face of all the advice you get here and at other seduction sites, how nice is the worst thing you can be supposedly. And he does seem to act nice around these girls. But considering he's cheating on his wife, maybe he's actually a jerk who's pretending to be nice. As opposed to a nice guy pretending to be a jerk to get women.

 

[scrouds]

There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. DJ 101.

 

[Da Realist]

A woman that will let a man do this has one of three things going on:

1) She knows that she has this guy in someway. He may be out with other women, but she has something those other women don't since he's coming back home to her. Plus the more he cheats the more she can clean him out in a divorce, so he has to take care of her above all.

2) She's got such low self-esteem that she won't call him on anything. Sure he runs around on her, but "she loves him."

3) It's cool with her because she's got enough time to go get something on the side herself.

 

[zekko]

There's a difference between being nice and being a doormat. DJ 101.

Absolutely. That's why I think the whole business about "nice guys" not being attractive is totally oversold. The problem isn't being nice, it's being weak, timid, boring, and overly eager. Calling them "nice guys" is misrepresention.

Da Realist:
#1 is not what's going on, because she makes more money than he does.

My opinion is it's #4:
She thinks she's being secure, confident, free thinking, open minded and mature by not getting upset that he has female friends. But she's really just naive.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Mostly I'm just confused because I don't understand why his wife is okay with it - mainly because these are HOT women (and she is not so hot herself). I think she's just very naive.

3) It's cool with her because she's got enough time to go get something on the side herself.

Agreed. They might very well have an open relationship and knowingly let each other do as they please. People don't talk about it, but it is not that uncommon.

 

[Da Realist]

Da Realist:
#1 is not what's going on, because she makes more money than he does.

My opinion is it's #4:
She thinks she's being secure, confident, free thinking, open minded and mature by not getting upset that he has female friends. But she's really just naive.

Really that's more of #2. Think about it: she has more money, most likey a court won't make her pay him anything, but he can still do what he wants? Come on. Men aren't the only ones that can be tricks.

 

[Kal0051]

well, you don't know anything about their relationship so who's to say that this doesn't work for them. Lots of couples have open relationships, swingers, etc. You can't really comment on what's going because you don't know much about them.

 

[zekko]

well, you don't know anything about their relationship so who's to say that this doesn't work for them. Lots of couples have open relationships, swingers, etc. You can't really comment on what's going because you don't know much about them.

You raise a good point but he has said she believes anything he tells her so I don't think she realizes what is going on.