LIVE THREAD: 1st Date Success. Let's rock #2

[CaConfused]

Ok guys, had a blast with the Live Update on the No Contact Win. Someone mentioned it was a lot of fun, so let's ro-sham-bo this again.

Met a girl from OKCupid last night at a bar at 8pm. We pushed to 9 - we were both running late. She's 29. Probably a 8 out of 10.

Had drinks at one place, bounced to another. Conversation was up and down. Mostly up.

She said "I'm confused. I can't read you. I don't know if you're having a good time." while at Bar 2. So at that point, I made out with her immediately.

Went back to her car. It was freezing. Somehow I said something like "it's going to be cold when we make out. Can we sit in your car." She laughed and said "no, but we can do a medium sized makeout outside of it." We did. I made sure I pulled away first.

I am leaving for Chicago next Tuesday for a week. She knows this.

Question - what is my precise next step? Do I text her for another date in 2 days?

Let's do it up guys. VICTORY AGAIN.

 

[rhythmic]

My first thoughts are, definitely no more than one e-mail, phone call or text. But that said - how often were you guys e-mailing on OKC before you met up? What was the general vibe of the communications? Is she texting back fast as compared to you sending less frequent messages?

 

[CaConfused]

My first thoughts are, definitely no more than one e-mail, phone call or text. But that said - how often were you guys e-mailing on OKC before you met up? What was the general vibe of the communications? Is she texting back fast as compared to you sending less frequent messages?

Good question. We didn't text much, aside from logistics. We each cancelled once on one another. This was a meeting like a month in planning.

So basically even, factual, and not often.

 

[CaConfused]

Hmm livethread not working as well as the prior one.

Should I text her tomorrow and ask for Saturday (we met Tuesday/yesterday)

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Say it with me now: texting KILLS relationships.

Realistically, you've only had ONE date with her. So, she doesn't need to be thinking you're already obsessed with her, which will happen if you start getting all texty with her.

With that said: for someone you're just meeting, I wouldn't go for a Friday or Saturday date. Sunday or Monday would be better. Now, here's the thing: if you hit her up and she can't go either day (for whatever reason - she's busy, she's already made plans, etc.), no big deal - just say "cool, we can plan something when I get back."

Then, when you DO go out of town, don't contact her until you get back; once you get back, ask her out again. It's important to go NC when you're going out of town, especially with a girl you've just met. Let her wonder about how your trip was, what you're doing, who you're meeting... in short, let her fantasize about this mystery man who she believes is having all these great adventures in Chicago (even if you're just sitting on a couch all week, lol); it helps build interest.

Hope this helps!

 

[CaConfused]

Makes perfect sense. Thanks man.

When should I text her about Monday? (I have plans with another girl on Sunday - more plates!)

BTW when you said texting kills relationships. Do you mean in general, or timing/frequency?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I mean in general, but specifically when you're first starting out with a chick. I just finished an eBook on this whole subject (available next week), as I've said this same statement many times on this board and some people just don't understand my philosophy.

In short, though, when a girl is first starting to get to know you, it's important not to reveal too much about yourself. Girls are always clamoring for guys they find "mysterious" and "challenging;" having a texting conversation makes you look too available (after all, if you were out doing "man things," you wouldn't have time to be all chatty on the phone with her). Most guys end up saying the wrong thing or texting too much, and it turns a girl off really fast.

This does not mean I haven't ever used texting in my entire life; but, I tend to do it once I'm in a relationship with a girl (i.e. once she's proven to me she's worthy enough to receive texts from me, even when I might be busy). And when I do text, it's only used to set up dates - and even then, I prefer making a phone call to do it. Asking a girl out via text still seems girly to me.

Conversations are always best when done in person. No miscommunications (or if they are, they can be cleaned up quicker than when sent via text message), and you can read the person's body language/facial expressions to get a better read on them. I've seen/heard/experienced more break ups and misunderstandings stemming from an ill-worded text message than I can list here, and it sux 'cause even if they forgive you, they still have words you texted to them sitting in their phone to remind them and make them have second thoughts.

So, yeah... the less texting you can do, the better. Again, there are PLENTY of people on here who disagree with me, or will talk about having "texting" game; at the very least, you'd be better off limiting how long of a conversation you have when texting.

EDIT: Oh yeah - and to answer your OTHER question: I usually wait 4 days after a date to hit a girl up for the next one. You went out on Tuesday, which would put the ask-out day for Saturday. So, probably Saturday during the daytime, or Sunday morning. But like I said, if you can't do it before the trip, don't worry - if she likes you, it ain't going away in a week. I once dated a girl who went to Taiwan a month after we started dating, and was there for 3 weeks. Didn't try to contact her at all - by the second week SHE was the one sending ME emails and trying to call ME - and when she got back she still liked me and we were able to go out. Just play it cool, be patient, and you should be good.

 

[CaConfused]

Everything you're saying makes sense.

The plan will now be to text her early Sat afternoon for Monday date.

Also - I agree on calling. The problem is that nowadays, most women 32-33 and younger generally prefer and expect texts.