Letting your girlfriend hang out with other men (orbiters) is a stupid thing to do

[hudpes]

I've just returned from a 3 day trip to some festival event with a woman who's in a relationship with a guy I've met before (we've got the same hobby). We slept in the same room and hung out by ourselves. And as far as friends and acquaintances knew, we were banging like bunnies, and she nor I give a sh*t about this and find it amusing. F*cking people. So we talked for hours about everything in life in general and it was just an amazing experience for me. We never had anything, and won't either.

He was a bit uneasy about this when she told him where she's going and didn't even ask and she didn't tell him who she's going with, but they're both very mature and honest with each other. Kind of difficult to put this one in perspective.... she loves him, and for her, he is it. Said she never cheated in her life and she's in her early 40's. I've got tremendous respect for both of them.. and as we returned from the trip, he was at her apartment, brought some food for her and I hung out there just a bit, so he could assess the situation. A bit closed up at first, but then opened up, being friendly and warm and I knew he wasn't faking it. Mind this, they are not your usual foolish couple who jump into a relationship with rosey glasses pulled over their eyes, bang and possibly look for someone better, they've been through sh*t on their own, fought battles with themselves, and especially her, found their peace. Very down to earth. He's still got a bit of a way to walk, but I'm sure she'll help him along.

So letting your girlfriend hang with other guys isn't a bad thing at all, provided she's got her head screwed on right, and women like that are as rare as pigs with no sh*t on them.

 

[narcissist]

classic thread

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

A girl with respect for you and who desires you will not pay much attention to her orbiters at all (most women have them in some guise). And she certainly wont be spending loads of time hanging out with them when she could be hanging out with you. Therefore I never let orbiters bother me. Also telling someone not to hang out with someone else is pretty lame and you might as well just hold up a massive billboard saying 'I'm the most insecure man on Planet Earth'. If your woman f*cks another guy, you'll soon figure it out for yourself, and if you can't you're probably not paying close enough attention. And if she does f*ck another guy, you probably had it coming in some respect.

Alternatively, a girl who is just seeking-attention will just seek/demonstrate the attention of other guys an usually in front of you. In this situation, I just next immediately. This happened to me on Friday night when I was chatting to some bird for a couple of hours, only for her to start chatting some other idiots while I went to get food. She said I had told her that I was going home when I confronted her about it (a lie). Her new orbiters getting all white-knighty when I warned them in front of everyone about her behaviours ( I was pretty gone on beers! might have accidentally called her something too accurate for their liking.... oopss!! ).....

Hahaa, the ridiculous thing being that she was only chastising me an hour or two earlier for 'negging' her and asking me if I'd read 'The Game'. Her stupid attention-seeking self could not even fathom that such books exist because of people exactly like her.

I got her number; but I am far too bright-eyed and bushy-tailed to use it nowadays, I have better prospects on the go anyway. Good luck to those chumps.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Chris Rock said it best:

https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...XOxR388VlpM-oTcwA&sig2=eh1MuptrMlYCFNP4R059wQ


Me ex sacrificed her career and almost all of her free time to be with me. She even deleted FBook. But she was addicted. Guess where she ended up as soon as thing got a little rough in the relationship? Orbiters. When we broke up she seriously called up a beta orbiter she hadnt hung out with in 2 years to use to make me jealous/hurt me.

Options = instability
Orbiters = options

If you ever spin plates then you know this is true, so why tolerate your woman spinning plates?

Sure, a high IL girl with male orbiters will put on a show for you. So many women have orbiters that dating some of them is unavoidable. But, wouldnt you rather dump such a woman when she violates your boundary in 6 months max rather than when she leaves you for one of them after 2 years of emotional investment?

I kinda get where you're coming from Pair, but not quite.

Indeed as Chris Rock said, 'don't ask a woman, because you don't wanna know'.

As far as your ex goes, I wouldn't personally like my chick to be so OTT sacrificial on my behalf. Most of my exes are like that and I can't be dealing with the all that obligation. When a woman doesn't have a life of her own, she steals yours by obligating you to be her entire existence.

Some guys are different and enjoy the infatuation. But as we all know, women can turn on a sixpence, like you ex, or like my Friday night chick. And usually it's the guy she's most interested in that she tries to make 'suffer'. As your ex has by calling up on her beta orb. THAT is why I pay no attention to it. That Friday night chick came chasing me in to the kebab house when I confronted her. Is that a sign of someone who doesn't care? No it's a sign of a woman who is playing games, but is being found out.

I may give her a chance though. Everyone's human, but what I do believe in is letting them know, in a subtle way that they have f*cked up. But orbiters, meh. They're not worth my attention.

 

[zekko]

When a woman doesn't have a life of her own, she steals yours by obligating you to be her entire existence.

Who wants a woman who doesn't have a life? The point is that a woman does not need to be hanging out one on one with other males in order to have a life. She can have female friends (unless she's such a huge b!tch that other women can't stand her - in which case I'm not interested in her) and family to do things with.

Here's the deal. If any girl I go out with is hanging out one on one with other males, you can call that orbiters if you like, I call it dating. And if a girl I'm going out with is dating other men, you can be damn sure I am going to be going out with other girls too. Thing is, if I am going out with other girls, I am going to be fvcking them. Because I am not interested in hanging out with women on a platonic basis.

So if she wants to be exclusive with me, then she has to be exclusive. That means no going out with other men one on one. Because if she's doing it, then I'm going to do it. And that means we're not exclusive, we're spinning plates. Case closed.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

To quote Pair's earlier response:

Me ex sacrificed her career and almost all of her free time to be with me. She even deleted FBook. But she was addicted. Guess where she ended up as soon as thing got a little rough in the relationship? Orbiters.

That's what I was referring to when mentioning her existence, or lack thereof.

The subject matter of the thread seems to be disallowing your woman to hang with any other men. This, in my own humble view, is in fact the stupid thing to do, for (probably among others) the following reasons:

1) It proves a latent insecurity.

2) If you think by 'disallowing' any contact with any other men is going to save a relationship from breakage, short of locking her in the basement, you are unlikely to achieve the goal owing to her going to college/uni/work/out of the house in general/walk down the street.

3) By trying to disallow a woman (or almost anyone) from doing something, unless they have almost no self-esteem (see point above about her existence or lack thereof), one is likely to further persuade that person as to the merits of the disallowed activity. Ask yourself this; if you were banned from seeing any other females, would you comply? I know I wouldn't.

4) By allowing her access to other lesser men, you are allowing her the chance to compare and contrast. As mentioned previously, if you come out on top, you are winning. If on the other hand she does f*ck someone else, it's a fair indication of one's own weakness of game.

5) It's a test of her as well. Her quality and her worth. It's a test of your compatibility. I am personally very intuitive in person and can tell when a woman is not entirely invested. In that situation, I back off. No drama. It's just their loss in my view. And I have abundance anyway.


I would also second Danger's comment about laying down expectations as well, especially upon her instigating exclusivity, but I suppose my expectations, owing to the above are simply somewhat differing. Allowing contact to orbiters seems counter-intuitive, but in my experience, even very recent experience, with the right girl who you are able to satiate it can cement one's own power in her mind whereby she comes back to you over and over again.

Yes there may come a time when she finds a better deal, but to be honest, that can happen any time, and is even more likely if one is coming across as so insecure to ban her from seeing other men.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Unless of course the respondents herein are secretly paranoid about Alpha orbiters, rather than the betas that are so commonly mentioned.

The answer here: be the best option you can be. If you fail (which you shouldn't), next.

 

[Maximus Rex]

In the World of Pimpin' and Hoin'

Letting your chick hang out with other dudes is analogous to a pimp letting his hoe hang out with other pimps, can't anything good possibly come out of the situation.

 

[zekko]

Setting a price on your exclusivity is not barring, it is saying that this is your definition of exclusivity.

She is not barring you from having sex with other girls, that is just HER expectation of exclusivity. You are barring yourself by choosing to be with her..

Yep, it's the same thing.

 

[Atom Smasher]

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Danger again.