"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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leaving a message about a time to meet for a date?

mra1200

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I've been talking to a girl at the bar I work at recently, and we set up a date to go out, but never specified a time that night last week. I didn't know what my work week was going to look like, so I didn't say anything about a time. Now that I know, I called to let her know what time I wanted to meet her... but got her voice mail...

I wasn't sure if I should have hung up and called back the next day or later that night, so I just went ahead and left a message, telling her to be at the restaurant a 7:30pm this Thursday.

Should I even bother showing up? If I don't get a return phone call, I have a gut feeling that I'll be eating alone that night, especially considering that I'm not sure what HER work schedule looks like.





The one thing I am feeling good about is that I used to make these calls to "figure out what time would be good to go out", being totally wishy washy and bending my schedule to fit hers. No so this time, as I picked a time, told her to be there and if she does call to say that time doesn't work, then I'm going to tell her I have to cancel and we'll go out some other time (would rescheduling for a full week later be too far away, or should I have a plan for a Sunday early evening dinner in mind?).
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Phyzzle

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Man, that's annoying. You need to just decide on the 1st phone call what time it will be. If you don't know what time you'll be available, don't call her so soon! Just wait until you know, then try to set something up.

I mean, if you had to call her today, why not just call her today, only? Seems like less work . . .

(would rescheduling for a full week later be too far away, or should I have a plan for a Sunday early evening dinner in mind?).
You can rattle off some choices. If you are avalable Sunday, Tues, and Friday, and she's busy at all the same days at those same times, maybe she's giving you a hint.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Guys, you need to put some effort into planning your schedules ahead of time so that you don't get yourself into situations like this. How hard would it have been to get your work schedule set before setting up these ambiguous dates? None the less you should have just called her and left a message for her to call you back to set up a time.
 

Hitman10000

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You think you screwed up...well ya did! IT'S OKAY, it's not that big of a screwup but she might see you as a bit bigheaded. Trust me, I make a couple of those same mistakes you did (Ordering a woman around, which in fact you did, women don't like to be ordered around...well independently thinking ones that is)

Call on Wednesday evenin, this time if you get the VM don't leave a message. Call Once. If she doesn't call back on that same evening, forget your Thursday plan and try calling again once/twice the next week but *NEVER* leave a message.
 

mra1200

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Phyzzle said:
Man, that's annoying. You need to just decide on the 1st phone call what time it will be. If you don't know what time you'll be available, don't call her so soon! Just wait until you know, then try to set something up.
I get up at arse-o'clock in the morning, which is why my schedule tends to deviate when we're working 5 or more 10 hour shifts per week (construction). Anyway, I had decided that we were going to have to meet early that Thursday due to my work situation this particular looooong week (Mon-Sat 7am-5:30pm). I knew what time I wanted to go out with her before I called, I just didn't expect to get the VM, so I went ahead and left a message.

I was Thursday last week when we first talked about going out the following Thursday when I was unsure of my work situation so I didn't want to pin down a time.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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