Keeping wealth : Hiring private investigators to do discoveries of potential serious mate: howto frame telling them and when to tell them you did this

[zekko]

The problem I see with hiring a private investigator to check up on her is that it's likely to come back to haunt you if she ever finds out about it. If you end up with her, that is. Even if you don't and she finds out, she'd likely spread it around that you were creeping on her to the nth degree.

 

[BeTheChange]

I decided I would make it clear they are about to be investigated before I hire the P.I.
I have no intent to be deceitful, just careful

That somewhat defeats the purpose no?

 

[Lynx nkaf]

That somewhat defeats the purpose no?

I know how you see it.
Rigourous honesty keeps me sober and always trying to do the next right thing.

This might also save me the cost of the P.I.

I actually already had this scenario back in Spring 2018.

After bringing up the intent to do this and stating I'd be hiring in their city, there was an alarming about-face and unusual scorning. Ok. Alot of us would react this way.

The sexual pursuing stopped. Then over about 6 weeks of daily in-person contact still, this person revealed their own "secrets".

Much like has been written in the book 'Dangerous Personalities' and 'The Tactical Guide to Women' and I think even the book 'Boundaries' may have talked about how a narcississtic and dishonest personality will at some point tell you the truth about themselves. They always reveal their own indicators of selfawareness of their personality. Almost like a bragging, how good a con artist they are.
Just have to listen for it.
This was a 5 year 'friendship' at that point, in Spring 2018 with this person and I still had arms length contact partway into this last relationship with my ex.


I struggle with fear when trying to end friendships/relationships because I have always revealed so many details and trusted so fast. When I make a decision that my energy is being more depleted than restored by interacting with a person(different lifegoals and motivation) I find it difficult to detach.

Reading about techniques here on sosuave has helped me calibrate just how much I reveal when meeting new people now but also, I've learned just how crucial it is to learn more about a person I may have considered getting closer to.

Your opinion is tell them after the investigation? Remember, my thread question asked about a 'potential' mate not current one that I needed 'evidence' for some other legal action or decision.
Its like I'm making a veiled 'threat' but one I'm willing to back up by going through with it.

 

[Zontyy]

Edit: sorry didn't read, just don't tell. Why feel the need too, sometimes things are better just left unsaid.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

I know how you see it.
Rigourous honesty keeps me sober and always trying to do the next right thing.

This might also save me the cost of the P.I.

I actually already had this scenario back in Spring 2018.

After bringing up the intent to do this and stating I'd be hiring in their city, there was an alarming about-face and unusual scorning. Ok. Alot of us would react this way.

The sexual pursuing stopped. Then over about 6 weeks of daily in-person contact still, this person revealed their own "secrets".

Much like has been written in the book 'Dangerous Personalities' and 'The Tactical Guide to Women' and I think even the book 'Boundaries' may have talked about how a narcississtic and dishonest personality will at some point tell you the truth about themselves. They always reveal their own indicators of selfawareness of their personality. Almost like a bragging, how good a con artist they are.
Just have to listen for it.
This was a 5 year 'friendship' at that point, in Spring 2018 with this person and I still had arms length contact partway into this last relationship with my ex.


I struggle with fear when trying to end friendships/relationships because I have always revealed so many details and trusted so fast. When I make a decision that my energy is being more depleted than restored by interacting with a person(different lifegoals and motivation) I find it difficult to detach.

Reading about techniques here on sosuave has helped me calibrate just how much I reveal when meeting new people now but also, I've learned just how crucial it is to learn more about a person I may have considered getting closer to.

Your opinion is tell them after the investigation? Remember, my thread question asked about a 'potential' mate not current one that I needed 'evidence' for some other legal action or decision.
Its like I'm making a veiled 'threat' but one I'm willing to back up by going through with it.

Don't say nothing, take the actions you need to take. I'm sure by this point you can feel the "energy suck" much sooner to realize when someone is being too self serving around you ( using you )...

 

[Lynx nkaf]

These are all thoughtful comments.
I appreciate them.