Keeping "the challenge" when engaged/married

[NewMike]

Ok, i've read all the stuff from Doc Love on being a challenge, etc, and I truly attribute some of that stuff to helping me find my fiancee.

My issue now is how do I maintain "the challenge" after I have proposed and we are planning a wedding?

 

[xblitz44x]

Do yourself a favor and seriously cut the shyt. A successfull marriage shouldn't be attributed to a "System" of love techniques. If she's marrying you she's doing it because she loves YOU, not a bunch of tactics. No matter how hard you try to be a challenge, and mysterious, the real you will show through ALWAYS. If you've been with this girl any length of time she already knows who you are. No reason to hide.

If the tie is going to dissolve ever, it will be in HER mind as a result of what's going on with HER. All that your challenge might do is drag the relationship on, and prolong what is inevidible. IF, of course that happens at all. Just be real, man. And have a great time doing it.

-Blitz

 

[Knicknack]

don't listen to that AFC bs... you MUST, i repeat MUST remain a DJ throughout your marriage. NEVER supplicate and always be a man. she will get so tired of you if act like a pvssy. there is one post that i admire more than any on this site. here is an excerpt:

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=38204

*****************

"Now, I MET HER. For those of you who have ever put on the blinders (one-itis? sp), read this and ponder it carefully. She was 18 at the time. I was 28. She was 5'7" weighed 105 LB's with long hair past her @ss. She was as close to perfect as I have ever seen. I started dating just her. No kidding she was perfect to date. We would even meet for lunch, skip the food and head straight to sex. 4, 5, sometimes more, times a day. Everywhere. Outside my buddies house, at the lake, in her parents room, on my motorcycle at a park. It was wild, it was great, and I fell hard. I blew off everyone else. I dropped my life. It's at this time I bought another company, and asked her to marry me. She hesitated (I should have seen the red flag)... but did say yes moments later. Anyway, we were married. I became a millionaire that same year. We lived a life most couldn't dream. Travel, big home, nice cars... I would take her shopping spree's and drop 5 grand in 5 hours.

Then she wanted a child. Now, around this time she started changing. Before she was always pleased with my spending money and taking her out, but now she acted like she DESERVED even more. Anyway, she got pregnant, and born to me was my beautiful son. By the way, she hated being pregnant. She thought she looked fat. Sex stopped, and the fights started. She even wanted me to stop playing golf with the guys cause she wouldn't go and I shouldn't have fun if she was pregnant and couldn't have fun. After my son was born she left the hospital wearing size 2 Rockies. She looked great, but she thought she was fat. As it turns out, the dr.'s said she had postpar. depression. They gave her happy pills that she said made her fat. Ok, so she is withdrawn, won't talk and basically hates her situation. I end up caring for Jr., taking him to work (I had around 100 employees at this time) and being the one to feed him, bathe him, etc. The more I did, the more she resented me. Around this time the stock market started crashing. My sales were dropping and I started laying off employees.

I knew my marriage was in trouble. I sought out my pastor and tried Marriage counseling. I read every book on relationship and tried all the BS it said to do. So you guys know, it's 100% wrong. Sounds good, but it's wrong. Trying to get a person to open up when they don't want too will make you needy, clingy, weak and the will run from you. Anyway, the ex got pissed one night in a drunk stupor and left (with my son).

I thought I would explode (of course many little and not so little things to this point). Then she has the guts to tell me that I need to give her a few hundred thousand to keep her in the lifestyle she likes, and for this I can see my son once a month or so. It is at this point I the fire and rage washed over me. I looked in the mirror and saw what a weak jackass I had become. It takes energy to change, and I fueled mine with rage. I got the best lawyer in my county and I filled for divorce and custody.

After served, she filled charges on me. I was accused of abuse to her, & my son. I was accused of child porn and molesting my son (that one, not formally and I was cleared of everything - never did any of the crap she claimed). Anyway, the courts in an attempt to protect my son till we went to court kept Jr. with her. I was ordered to pay $3,600 a month in child support and she got to live in the house, etc. Within a couple of months, she had a live in BF who didn't work. No need, I paid for everything. I ended up paying over $100,000 grand for my divorce, including two PI's that gathered invaluable info on her."

****************

this is what happens when a man starts acting like a pvssy.

i also suggest checking out www.nomarriage.com it has a lot of valuable info that you should know going into marriage. good luck with your "endeavour." the divorce rate is more than 50% so you just tossed your coin. i hope it works out, but we'll probably see you back here in a number of years trying to get back in the game after your horrible marriage. this is just facts man.

if i ever want to get married i'm going to find a women i don't like a buy her a house.

 

[xblitz44x]

What does that story have to do with my advice to him? I didn't tell him to not get married, as this story is basically saying. If you don't think he should be married that's fine. But if there is any chance that this thing is going to work out, it's going to be because both people can be themselves and can work shyt out together. Hiding yourself, and trying to be "a mysterious challenge" isn't going to change a damn thing, she's going to see who you are, naturally anyway.

If anything, my advice supports what you say. If he is honest with who he is, and does what he feels, while maintaining self control and control of his ego, the girlfriend, fiance, wife will KNOW who she is with before the marriage, rather than to hide yourself with stupid techniques until eventually who you truely are becomes exposed and she realizes she married a different man than she dated.

-Blitz

 

[Knicknack]

that story doesn't say not to get married. it's just a lesson of what happens most of the time in marriage. the wife starts expecting sh|t and everything goes to hell.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

Hey life sucks, then you die.

Don't pretend to be somebody your not. Because obviously, if your planning a wedding, you two must love one another. You two must have spent an awful lot of time with one another and getting to know one another.

Being a true don juan isn't about games, about getting that next piece of ass, it's really about getting to know and love yourself first, before struggling with "OH SHE Doesn't like me."

Marriage, like life, is not an easy task. Just go out and do it.

Don't fall off the cliff though, like many guys do. Don't just blame the women, many guys, after they get married, turn into the lazy, drink beer, eat chips, watch tv on the sofa kind of person.

Don't become that, unless you already are, just be who you are and don't let her or anybody try to take away who that is.

Friends, esp single ones when most other friends are getting hitched become very jealous. Believe it or not.

The truth is, after some time, most people as they age do not have as much time to hang out with buddies as they'd like or once used to, it's life.

Some guys choose to be whipped, some do not. Let yourself make that decision.

Don't worry about being a challenge or being a dog, do what got you this far, if your not ready, then don't get married.

Too many people get married, cause they believe it's the thing to do.

Life is tough. Marriage is even tougher.

But at th end of the day, it's a nice feeling knowing you grew and lived through trials and tribulations of life.

If you never take a chance, then why not kill yourself now.

Divorce rates are high, true, but if everybody listened to what everybody else said, not one of us would be here today.

Most people throughout time have been told, don't do this, don't do that, it's life. Listen to what your heart has to say and no matter what, be who you are.

THe longer you are with somebody, the more crap they know about you. Unless your just a con artist, but most of them get caught in the long run anyway.

and congrats on your engagement. I know how tough it is planning a wedding. ANd how expensive. Good luck. Keep us
updated.

 

[The Edge]

Originally posted by NewMike
Ok, i've read all the stuff from Doc Love on being a challenge, etc, and I truly attribute some of that stuff to helping me find my fiancee.

My issue now is how do I maintain "the challenge" after I have proposed and we are planning a wedding?

First of all you are making the biggest phukkyn mistake getting engaged at 25. Not only are you setting yourself up to be a part of the huge, evergrowing divorce statistic, but you are seriously depriving yourself from getting to know who you are personally.

Dude, marrige will be there.... Even if you feel you have found the right person, this judgement is being made at 25... And at 25 you probably don't know half of what you really think you do.

So to answer your question, there is no way to maintain challenge if you are 20something and engaged. Your situation is much like, you being in a petroleum soaked basket with a lighter in your significant others hands.

The Edge ' Some have it, and some don't '

 

[Survivor]

I'm getting married in April so maybe I can bring some perspective to this. Mike, listen to everything xblitz44x said.

I bought "The System" a few years ago so I'm well aware of the Doc Love principles. What the "System" (and this website, btw) comes down to is learning to control yourself and not being manipulated and distracted by other people or your own thoughts, thats it. Thats something you need to be both happily married AND happily single. It raises your level of self-awareness such that you realize what your problems with women are. Then it gives you suggestions on how to deal with them.

However, once you've improved yourself to a certain point, what once helped you may become a crutch and a hinderance. If you are a better man like you may claim to be, then you won't need Doc Love's system or even this web-site to be happy, married or single for that matter.

Before anyone can be happily married they must experience what its like to be happily single. So, in that aspect, The Edge was somewhat correct too.

Mike, if you can honestly say that you are a happily single man and you want to share that happiness with a happily single woman, then yes my friend, you are ready to be married, without the help of any trick, technique or how-to manual.

 

[blasmo]

Listen to what elvis aint dead yet posted. There is nothing wrong with getting married at 25 if you honestly feel that you are ready and that this is the girl for you. I got married at 24 and even though it hasn't been happily ever after, I do not regret my decision one bit. If you are happy, and she's happy, if you was happy before you met here and vice versa, go for it. In marriage you have to compromise a lot. If you are not living together now, i do suggest that you live together before getting married. Like the Kenny rogers' song says "you gotta know when to fold them".

 

[LowPlainsDrifter]

I was in an mtr (medium term relationship) with an older woman.
I think we got too comfortable with each other.
Although we had sex nearly every evening we were together (and nearly every morning) she started "playfully" avoiding me, even after a good amount of foreplay.
When did she give in? When I shrugged my shoulders and turned away, burying my face in my pillow.

 

[joey37]

I very much agree with keeping up the challenge, when engaged or married. I personally was dating a girl for 6 years and was engaged for about a year.


Most of that time, I was a major challenge. Sure she'd get upset at me, call me a jerk, but she never left!!!!!!

Then just recently, I started getting a bit "Clingy". Almost immediately she walked out the door and I haven't seen her in 6 weeks. I'm pretty sure there were other problems, lots of them, but as long as I was a challenge she stayed. She doesn't have my new phone number so she can't call, but I'm not sure if it's over or not...but just a heads up on CHALLENGE.

 

[chlywly]

You want to know how to keep any relationship steady fruitfull and together? read this, although it may seem a little kryptic you will get the point.

http://sivasakti.com/articles/couple/couple-art32.html