Keeping a girl

[WeaponOfWar]

So here is the story.I've been dating this girl for about seven months,but the las two months or so ,I've started having some personal problems and didn't tell her about them so i wouldn't burden her with them.Withouth realising it i started becoming very clingy until the point that she told me that I am suffocating her and she wants a break.I came clean about my problems but she couldn't take it anymore and told me that she needs this break. Currently we are on a break(not seeing other people ,for two weeks).She felt suffocated and didn't know if she would come back.
I talked to her today and asked her if she has given things a thought,she told me that maybe but she hasn't decided yet,that she is very confused and it's hurtful. From what I can uderstand she is inclined to a break-up but there is still a bit of hope. She will go to the seaside with her class and I will go there too.
When we first went on this break she was very very angry and told me she wants to go alone. This is why I'm going with other people(I'm not going to stay home and take a **** on my summer).
My question to you is,how should I try and fix this? She knows that I wasn't myself and that's why we are stil together , but what should i do? In a week we will have our college exam,should I ask her if she wants to go out and start taking things casually or wait for the trip to the seaside and try to talk to her there(but that would mean waiting two more weeks)?

 

[LearningSlowly]

Go do other things. Play sports, read books and articles, work on yourself. When you talk to her again, you will be more interesting to her. When you are back together, keep working on yourself so that you can be more independent.

 

[WeaponOfWar]

Go do other things. Play sports, read books and articles, work on yourself. When you talk to her again, you will be more interesting to her. When you are back together, keep working on yourself so that you can be more independent.

I was thinking after the exam is over to ask her to go out on a casual date or smth without asking her if she has decided or not,something as relaxing as possible. Is that a good ideea?

 

[LearningSlowly]

Who cares? There are other girls out there. Go be happy and see if it comes naturally. Dont plan.

 

[devilkingx2]

avoid her for a while

when you stop doing that, try to game her as hard as possible and not seem needy or like a loser

also, try not to burden anyone with your problems, but if necessary burden your friends and family not your GF

also you should probably be seen with other girls or something,

do you really want her to think that you're just waiting around doing nothing for 2 weeks only for nothing to change?

 

[WeaponOfWar]

So she called me and told me she misses me and wants to fix things at the seaside,as in starting over ,or taking it slower this time so we won't end up here something like that. I've been working on myslef for the past month. I've wanted to ask ,do you guys have some advices to keeping a girl,as not getting in this situation again? I tend to get lost at a certain point,as I start being too nice and then she starts behaving a bit ****ty,but if i start being more indifferent then she starts wanting my attention. I don't like mind games ,but they seem to work. So do you guys have any tips for making a relationship work and actually last?(we get along really well and we are going to the same college ,it would be nice for things to go on there,this relationship seems to have potential)

 

[The Dapper Napkin]

Glad to hear that she called and wanting to get back and thanks for your honesty. One of the important things that you should do is LEARN from what happened before. It seemed like first it was you distancing yourself from her and then throwing everything on her at one time.

It's great to connect with your girl and tell her what's going on and how you feel but what makes you unattractive in her eyes is when the problem continues and you don't do anything about it. I'm not saying your personal problem was not important but no one wants to be around someone who's always down and expressing what's wrong with life.

If you want to keep her, it all boils down to one concept and that is to treat everyday like it was the first date. Keep the interactions happy and upbeat. Respect her space and having your own things going on that don't include her. Don't make her the center of your schedule because you have other cool things to do. This will keep the spice alive and keep everything feeling like new.

Someone told me once that girls will stop liking you because you stopped being the person you were when they first met you. And I don't blame them for it. If you go from fun and ambitious, to lazy and complaining, then I'd fall out of love with you too. Lol.

I'm just saying......keep treating every day like it's the first date.

 

[WeaponOfWar]

So it's almost been a year now in my relationship. Things were great, we got along awesome since we got together,we started doing climbing and art classes,we were really tight. But college started. We are at the same college but we didn't have time. At first she was too tired and she kept going with her folks at the countryside, we started fighting over dumb stuff and she told me she is getting tired of fighting. Slowly she was to tired to go out and distanced herself.

I confronted her yesterday and she told me that she wants to break up. She is much to stressed at this point because she needs big grades to avoid paying taxes the next year(thats how it works in my country),she is at this college because her parents sent her here and she just doesn't have any energy for our relationship. She told me that she really cares for me but right now she doesn't love me anymore and can't fight for us. That it wouldn't be fair for me to be in a one sided relationship where she can be herself only when we have vacations and stuff,she doesn't know how long she will be like this and there is no point. She told me she tried to think of a solution for this,that she really didn;t want to hurt me and asked me for any ideas but i didn't have any good ones,just being together until the stress goes away, but that would be stupid.So breaking up was the best thing for now. I was...heartbroken.

She told me that she would like us to stay friends but it's up to me.I told her that it's clear that there is smth left because we actually laughed and such things yesterday. She hugged me and before she left she wanted to kiss my cheek but i kissed her on the lips and she smiled and i told her "friends ,yeah?" and she laughed. And I asked her "what are we now? friends with benefits,together but in somekind of a break thing but where we talk?" she laughed and told me she doesn't know.I told her that at a certain point she will snap out of this and she didn't deny it ,she told me that if it will be for us to get together again it might happen and it will be up to me to say yes or no. I really wanted to fight for her but I can't do much now since she gave up. I told her that if she will see somebody else it will be over(even flings). She told me its up to me what i decide to do and up to her what she does. So my question is...what now?

I really love her,especially now that I saw that we fit together so well when she actually wants for things to work,but she basically gave up for her career right now. What should I do? I would like to stay i in touch with her and somehow fight to win her back,as in make her want to fight for us,but i don't know how or..I'm so very lost. I though about just trying to improve myself and go on and in time if she wants to come back she will but what about other flings or opportunities? I don't want to get into a relationship right now but flings might ease the pain,but at the same time she might just have tested me or who knows, won't that be giving up on her? I also know that being friends has it's own risks. I'm just asking you guys do you have any ideea of what i could do to make her want to fight again,or how i should do it. I know for hell that i won't be able to let her go completley. So do you guys have any good advice i could follow, giving up on this after a year seems so crappy. I really need some direction right now.

What would be the best solution to fight to make her get her strength back,just let time pass,see other girls and let it up to her ...or i don't know..

Thanks

 

[the_great_gaia]

the best thing to do is to let her go, man. if you love something, let it go, if it comes back then you know it's there to stay.

she already has her mind made up. you did well to end it on a good, high note, but now, if I were you, I would just leave her alone, and start living that college life. it's so much for you out there now, and you're off the leash!

this may be a test, and to fail it means to keep hanging on and showing her affection. disappear. don't show any bitterness, but don't show her any attention; she has to see that you have a life of your own without her and she'll begin to miss you. spin some plates; meet other women. if you met this girl, you'll definitely meet someone that's as value as 3 of her.

she'll reach out to you when she gets that cold feeling of you not being there. she'll text you, facebook you, she'll go out of her way because she's going to think about you. don't answer every phone call, take at least 10 mins to text back. you have to do what she's doing, trying to life without you, so live without her. Friends is friends, but she says that because she doesn't want to come off like a btch. MAKE HER MISS YOU.

No more offers to meet up later as "friends", don't even come at her with the FWB. Meet other girls, she'll know about it. And it will make her realize that she fcked up by giving you up, because a woman will always want what another woman has. Just go live. She isn't your everything.

 

[WeaponOfWar]

Thank you,that really helped.On thursday there will be two proms,my colleges prom and med schools prom.I'm going to go to med school. My ex is probably going to hook up with someone for fun so i'll do the same thing. I guess I'll start having fun and as you said ,if she'll miss me she'll come back,if not that's it.