"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Just moved to a college town ...

Firefly

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Hey all,

Just moved from Australia to a college town in the US for six months.

Been here for a few weeks, and social opportunities have not come up as often as I was hoping for.

I am working with a university-affiliated organisation, so I have a uni staff card which allows me to take part in uni activities, so thought I might try going to a few things.

Does anybody have any suggestions on how to meet people in this situtation?

F
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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WestCoaster

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Find a fitness center -- either on campus where you can get a guest pass, or one in town. Find bars near the college and not so near. Join some clubs in town.

Sounds like your job could help in getting some access.
 

Firefly

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WestCoaster said:
Find a fitness center -- either on campus where you can get a guest pass, or one in town. Find bars near the college and not so near. Join some clubs in town.

Sounds like your job could help in getting some access.
Thanks for the tips!

I am using the college gym at the moment, and started going to one of the fitness classes. Got ignored for the first class, but today got a few looks when I answered a couple of questions from the instructor, and my complete absence of an accent became quite noticable.

Feel kind of weird going to bars on my own. Is it normal to do so in the US? In Australia, it is not so common unless you are a visiting businessman ...

Also went to one of the talks given by a university club. It was fun in itself, but I found most of the people went in groups which made it kind of hard to approach anyone ...
 

Phyzzle

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Do you look young? A lot of campus clubs aren't used to older staff members partaking. If you can pass for a grad student, that's fine.
 

Phyzzle

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Feel kind of weird going to bars on my own. Is it normal to do so in the US?
Not really, though I do sometimes anyways. Just bring back your accent; act like you JUST got into the country. Ask if you are supposed to tip. Automatic conversation starter.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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Firefly

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Phyzzle said:
Do you look young? A lot of campus clubs aren't used to older staff members partaking. If you can pass for a grad student, that's fine.
Well, I look about 25 or 26 according to the other grad students so I figure it should be okay ...
 

Firefly

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Phyzzle said:
Not really, though I do sometimes anyways. Just bring back your accent; act like you JUST got into the country. Ask if you are supposed to tip. Automatic conversation starter.
That's a *great* hint. Thanks!
 

Firefly

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Bible_Belt said:
Drunken hook-ups account for most of the sex in college. Get a wing and hit the bars.
Pardon my ignorance, but I thought most College students were under the legal drinking age? (or am I being naive?)
 

Bible_Belt

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Most Americans start their drinking habits in high school. If this country were serious about underage drinking, then all clubs and bars would have an age 21 entry requirement. The 18 and up bars are full of drunk underagers. They either got drunk before they went out ("pre-game") or got drinks from overage friends at the bar, or have a fake id. Underage drinking and fake id fines are a considerable source of revenue for the typical college town municipal government.
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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