Just blowing off some steam

[The Karate Kid]

Any advice or tips to fix my mistakes would be great!

Back story-

-brokeup with my first love in june of 09
-started talking to an old friend(from my childhood, 10+ years ago) in september
-started hanging around february(her offer, she kept asking to hang, i caved)
-within 2 hangout, we started fooling around
-for the next 3ish months, we were one of those together, but not together deals. she wanted to be with me, i didnt want a gf( dealing with ex issues)
-stopped talking to her in june this year, she was goin through some ****, and i didnt want to deal with it.



im sittin here broken hearted. I recently realized how muchi really cared about her. She was a great girl. always there for me, never asked anything besides wanting to know how i felt(never told her), always fun to be around. Now that i am ready to be in a relationship(my ex had a kid in june, i think it had something to do with me bailing on my new girl), she says she doesnt feel the same about me. She is seeing someone new.

this kills me, because when i had her, i didnt want her, now that i want her, i cant have her. She still answers all my texts, and gets ahold of me pretty consistently (nearly everyday, i know, terrible), and deals with my ****(fighting, being an ass when drunk). But she wont make time to see me(too busy, has plans, etc). We do live quite a bit away(about an hour or so, im in the Boston, and she hates driving there), We saw each other about 3ish weeks ago, after i punked out and told her how i felt. had dinner, everything was cool.

some say because she is a bit scared of me since i hurt her, others cuz she has no interest. Doesnt matter really.

I understand that she has a new guy, so he takes priority, but for someone who wanted to be with me, and who will still deal with me and all my ****, i cant seem to understand her. she says what we had was awesome, and because of it, she wants me in her life. I guess she lost her attraction to me, since i disappeared for months, but still cares for me.

She has had a tough life with guys, including her bro, ex, and dad, so she has a hardtime opening up to people, and when she opened up to me, i left her hanging.

She is probably the only girl in my life besides family that i truly care about, and want to have in my life as long as i can, whether its just friends or more. She is one of those few girls that is worth it.

If i had my way, we would be in a relationship, so that i what i would ultimately want.

 

[WhatdoyoumeanAIDS]

life is a *****, eh? you always think the grass is greener. forget it and move on. from an outsider's perspective, I can tell you your living in the past.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Yeah, I am living in the past a bit, because I regret how things went. The only reason why we aren't dating is because of my selfishness/issues.

I don't really want to move on, as she is probably the only girl I know that is worth effort. She has never been a *****, flaked, played games, or crossed me in any way. Just really wanted me, and to spend her time with me.

Even after I split from her life for a few months, she wasn't bitter at all, and We are still pretty close, and she takes an active interest in my life. Unfortunately, that interest isn't as high as it was before...

I'm gonna keep her in my life regardless of what happens. She is a positive thing in it. I just want it to be more than a close friend.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Double