Is this truly a flake?

[Yachtie]

Girl I've been dating for a few months said today we have to reschedule our dinner plan for tomorrow (was planned earlier this week). For background, I've been having sex with her since early December, but holidays and different plans have kept our dates/sleep-overs spread out.

Here's how it went down:

I bbm'd her middle of the day today (Thursday): "Hey, can you take care of the wine for dinner tomorrow? I'll bring everything else." (This was our plan all along, that I was bringing the food to make dinner together at her place.)

Her: [about an hour later] Ummm you're going to kill me.
Her: Might have to reschedule.
Her: [she explains has to pick up her brother from the airport that night bc her mom is out of town on business].
Her: Are you mad?
Me: Nope [20 minutes later]
Her: Ok
Her: I [might be in your neighborhood this weekend]
[relatively long silence of about an hour or so]
Me: Sorry...on phone/email for work.
[30 mins later]
Me: No worries, not mad. Have fun with your brother.


1. Do you think it was evident to her that I'm not letting her flake affect me?

2. Should I go no-contact with her?

3. If she contacts me tomorrow or this weekend to see if we can meet up, should I shrug it off (based on the advice of other posts here)? ie, to suggest or indicate that I have other plans.

4. I like this girl, but am still trying to qualify her going forward. I think she could be worth the time, and she's told me that she generally believes it's the guy's job to pursue and call. Is there a way to indicate that I don't find flakiness attractive? ie, draw the line?

5. Maybe I shouldn't have answered at all to force her to call -- should I say that she should call me with stuff like that rather than text/bbm?

I appreciate the time you've taken to read and comment, guys.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

You're a little paranoid, man. Sounds like a normal cancellation of plans to me.

If she had a history of this, I'd be concerned. If she didn't repeatedly apologize and ask you if you were mad, i'd be concerned. If she were treating you poorly....

This just sounds like, you know....life.

 

[shyguy32]

Holy cow....why does every guy here over analyze EVERY situation?

You've been dating this girl a couple months....has she ever "flaked" on you before?

If you go no contact everytime someone's schedules changed you're never going to get in a relationship! It sounds pretty legitimate to me, but I guess you might want to hear from other people that are going to tell you to forget her, theres more fish in the sea...blah blah blah!

But come on dude, if she flakes on you every other week it's on thing! If this is the first time and she offers and "excuse" that she has to pick her brother up whats wrong with taking her for her word?

 

[Yachtie]

It's been four weeks since we saw each other due to holidays and living in different cities.

She has been up and down in I.L but I may be reading into that too much.

She has been a little tough to pin down on plans now and then - but again, maybe it's me.

She's also the least communicative/needy chick I've ever dated, which I guess should be nice, but it leaves me wondering sometimes. I know she's bad with getting back or keeping in touch with her girl friends too. She almost always gets right back to me.

It seems like a legit excuse I guess, even though the brother is in college. I'll wait till Monday to see how her wknd was.

Thanks for the opinions.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I disagree, you haven't seen her in 4 weeks?? I get that its the holidays and all, but if this chick saw you as anything more than a good time she would have wanted to see you at least ONCE in the past month.

Usually the holidays are when chicks get all into the guy they're dating, the fact that she's doing the opposite is not a good sign.

Her interest level is definitely on the down and out; think about it... pick up her brother over hanging out with you, who she hasn't seen in a month?

Put her on the back burner and start meeting new girls, because this is not looking promising.





PIMP

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Holy cow....why does every guy here over analyze EVERY situation?

You've been dating this girl a couple months....has she ever "flaked" on you before?

If you go no contact everytime someone's schedules changed you're never going to get in a relationship! It sounds pretty legitimate to me, but I guess you might want to hear from other people that are going to tell you to forget her, theres more fish in the sea...blah blah blah!

But come on dude, if she flakes on you every other week it's on thing! If this is the first time and she offers and "excuse" that she has to pick her brother up whats wrong with taking her for her word?

Hmmmm so its all about the number of times a girl flakes to decide where her true interest level is at?

If you can't see that this girl's interest is falling like panties on Spring Break, then I wouldn't be surprised if your the guy who sticks around til the bitter end when your with a girl and get "blindsided" when she breaks up with you.

Interest level isn't only about flaking, its about contact, compromise, effort to name a few. She's doing NOTHING to keep that flame burning. I don't think the OP should NEXT her, which I agree is often the advice on these boards from rookie keyboard jockies, but I do think he should withdraw attention.

If this girl was fearful of losing him and his interest AT ALL, she would probably have something pretty awesome planned to make it up to him. Instead it sounds like, "sorry I can't make it tonight, I forgot I have to wash my hair."





PIMP

 

[shyguy32]

Pimp...my whole point is that most guys look at any excuse as a flake!

I think that you should be able to tell whats a true flake and whats true excuse! Read the situation and see what happens!

Do you think that if she doesn't offer an alternative that you should call it quits? I'm not a master DJ by any means, I'm just trying to read the situation that he's put forth.

 

[Yachtie]

The four weeks are a mutual fault -- I've been out of town for business a lot.

Her interest seems sky high when we're together, but hard to tell when we're not bc we only talk every other day or so.


Thanks for the opinions. I think I'll hold my attention back a little more than usual. Not going no contact yet.

I'd really like to draw a line in the sand -- I deserve better.

 

[Yachtie]

last response to my telling her to have fun with her brother:
"Thanks. I feel like you're mad."

How the f did she get that? I think her choice of words is a test maybe...we're in the process for rescheduling too btw. who knows -- i just need to see her, bang, and figure out if it's worth it.