Is this really affecting my image?

[JoE BoXeR]

I have a question about being seen with friends...

My best friend is one of the top 5 biggest Don Juans of my school. He's probably gone out with more chicks than any other guy in my school. He obviously hasn't been to this site because I see him make stupid mistakes sometimes but the fact remains: he's constantly getting the girl.

I'm not sure really where it started but he and I were essentially equal in every way when it came to attracting girls back in the day. When we hit highschool he had only had a couple little relationships in his belt (what can you expect from a 7th grader) but I guess this got around. I think the biggest attribute he has over me is the fact that he is in demand. Despite some criticism from other guys he will flirt with and hit on every girl out there. I think it gives him a lot of power knowing that girls out there would go out with him and he knows how to really play this off to his advantage. He has gone out with 4 girls in the past 2 years and he's been the one who's done the dumping 3 out of the 4 times.

I guess if you want the full story he is also a little more mature physically than me because he's a little taller and the guy who could grow the wicked sideburns before anyone else had touched a razor. Also he has an amazing talent for keeping a conversation going and knowing how to put himself in the spotlight. Other than that, I'm more popular with the guys and also am much more athletic than him and most of the time, more outgoing and witty.

It really pains me to have girls tell me they like him especially when he wouldn't ever go out with them. I've seen him successfully steal girls from other guys on countless occasions. Girls who he really wouldn't date but just enjoys knowing he has a fan club tagging along.

I'm definately not saying he's perfect and as I said he breaks a lot of subtle Don Juan rules, but he has three main skills which nearly always land him the girl:

1. He's in demand and plays off the jealously factor time and time again. He never lets a relationship go on to long before he breaks it off to move on while hinting that any girl may have a chance with him.

2. He has an uncanny ability to start up a conversation no matter how stupid the topic and put himself into the spotlight so he's getting attention.

3. He takes good care of himself and has popular older siblings who influence his fashion sense/ music sense etc. a lot making him seem more mature.

These overrule the fact that he's not the most macho guy, often uses the word "love" or "marriage" when talking to a girl, will talk to them endlessly on MSN/phone etc. , doesn't look people in the eye a lot, doesn't have a real pass time etc.

My point to all this is: does it make me look bad when I'm seen beside him? I know it shouldn't if I have the whole confidence thing going but still. I don't think he has anything more on me than the above listed three things but that's often enough for a teenaged girl to get all dreamy eyed over. If I stand beside him I know that I'm probably a girl's second choice (for now until I perfect my game and look). So would it benefit me to be seen more often with other guys who are less of Don Juan's thus making me look more preferable?

Here's a bad stab at an analogy:

If you look at a Corvette it look pretty f*cking attractive by itself and even more so if you put it beside an average BMW. But now compare the Corvette to a new Porsche and your preferance most likely just changed. Not because the Corvette isn't a great car but because the Porsche outshines it. If you're trying to sell the Corvette it's going to be better to place it by the BMW rather than the Porsche right?

 

[Duke]

Well, it can't hurt to say you know him, but I don't think you should hang around with him if you plan on attracting the ladies. According to the book "Get Anyone to Do Anything" by David J. Lieberman, PH.D:

"When you want someone to find you attractive, your best bet is to meet this person initally by yourself or with you being accompanied by an attractive person of the opposite sex . This is because of the law of contrast and the law of association.

We don't often judge a person by herself, but in contrast with other people. This is intensified when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. We see and think of her physical attributes in comparison to those she is with. There have been many studies in this area, including some that confirm that men who have recently been looking at bathing suit models find other women-- or even their own wives-- less attractive.

Herein lies one of the biggest mistakes we often make. Before someone has a chance to know the real you, and the be influenced by these other tactics, your physical beauty is the first thing you're judged by. So put the odds in your favor. Do not, I repeat, do not find yourself in the company of those who are more attractive than you (of the same sex) when you want someone to become interested in you.

When meeting this person, gennerally for the first time only, try also not to be in the company of terribly unattractive people, of either sex. This is because of the law of association-- where we tend to see a group as a whole and not the individuals.

Therefore, again, your best approach is to be by yourself or with an attractive person of the opposite sex. This will also afford you the opportunity to use your other tactics without distraction. (The reason yuo can be with an attractive person of the opposite sex is that the law of association takes precedence over the law of contrast when the members of the group are more different than they are similar. In other words, your attractiveness is enhanced by tis person because you are seen as 'one unit.')"

 

[dead_romeo]

Duke, would you say that this law of contrast and association applies to everyone?

Seems like you assume that people have no clear idea of what they find attractive in a person regardless of who may be around at the time.

 

[stevey_2000]

>He has gone out with 4 girls in the past 2 years

WOW, is that it??,

I'd say don't worry too much how you look besides him, it sounds to me like you have low self-esteem (i may be wrong but that is the conclusion i come too after reading your post), just carry on hanging with him and having fun.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Dont go too far though. Never hang around with losers. Even though you think you look better, people get the perception you ARE a loser.

Its like having a big mansion in the worst suburb. People see your mansion is better, but the suburb still drags your reputation down.

Of course, having the worst house in the best suburb also sucks (but its a huge incentive to improve it).


I hang with a mixed group, but I always enjoy going out with my friends who are DJs, especially if they're really good at their game. While they overshadow me, it allows me to learn. And learning is forever, whereas women come and go.