Is this MARRIED girl "off limits?"

[otr4]

I've been hanging out with this girl from my work.
(I actually wrote a post earlier today about this girl asking me if I had a girlfriend).
This girl is four years older than me (she's 28). She told me when I first met her last month that she was 'divorced.' Well, I found out today that she is actually "separated" from her x-husband, who she married when she was TWENTY years old (she got married 8 years ago) , but she is not technically "divorced," meaning she has NOT filled out the paperwork to make the divorce final. They have been "separated" for over a year.
On top of this, she still sees and spends time with her "husband" about twice a week. She claims they are just "friends" and she says she treats him as just that. ON TOP OF THIS, she claims that her soon-to-be-x-husband wants her back and it seems he wants to stay married. This girl claims she wants nothing of this and is actually moving to a city about two hours from where she lives now to get away from him.
Is this girl off limits? Technically she's still married, but they have not been "together" for over a year. Its just like they were boyfriend and girlfriend and then broke up, but instead they still have this paper, legal agreement thing called divorce to deal with.
Would you guys still go after a girl in this situation?
ADVICE PLEASE!

 

[dietzcoi]

She sounds like a screw ball, and I think you are asking for trouble.

If they have a signed legal separation I see no moral reason not to go for it, but like I said, the scenario seems like something you do not want to get into.

Why is she staying "friends" with him? THis sounds like something isn't right here...

Dietzcoi

 

[WestCoaster]

Done this twice ...

... I won't say don't go there, because things can change. But I'd recommend dating single women who don't have legal hassles.

Both older women (who just couldn't resist a stud like me -- ha!) really came after me. One was significantly older whom I worked with. Things heated up rather quickly and she kept telling me it was over with hubby. I was young and stupid and should've been dating college chicks ... hubby was out of the pic but she wasn't even officially divorced. I surveyed the landscape (her kids, etc.) and got out of it. She was heartbroken, but tough sh-t, I was like 25 at the time, she was 35. I started dating a much hotter 20-year old.

Fast forward a few years later, another gal I worked with (who was very hot) flirted a lot and had we had a brief fling. When I started meeting her she immediately told me she was divorced. After things started getting good between us I find out hubby and her are separated and he's in the slammer for dealing drugs! Uh, I'm backing out of this one, too. Later I find out she tries to get back with hubby after he does his time, doesn't work out and now she's FINALLY divorced. But thank God I didn't pursue that one. She lied to me about the separation, the hubby and his situation, and a lot of other things.

It's really not a good way to go. Why did I get roped into these awful situations? I was an AFC, plain and simple.

Being an AFC is a life killer. People don't know that it's not just being a wimp, it can really have negative affects in your decision-making. This board is a life-saver.

Separated means confused, I wouldn't go there.

 

[Gold Heart]

Originally posted by otr4
I've been hanging out with this girl from my work.
(I actually wrote a post earlier today about this girl asking me if I had a girlfriend).
This girl is four years older than me (she's 28). She told me when I first met her last month that she was 'divorced.' Well, I found out today that she is actually "separated" from her x-husband, who she married when she was TWENTY years old (she got married 8 years ago) , but she is not technically "divorced," meaning she has NOT filled out the paperwork to make the divorce final. They have been "separated" for over a year.
On top of this, she still sees and spends time with her "husband" about twice a week. She claims they are just "friends" and she says she treats him as just that. ON TOP OF THIS, she claims that her soon-to-be-x-husband wants her back and it seems he wants to stay married. This girl claims she wants nothing of this and is actually moving to a city about two hours from where she lives now to get away from him.
Is this girl off limits? Technically she's still married, but they have not been "together" for over a year. Its just like they were boyfriend and girlfriend and then broke up, but instead they still have this paper, legal agreement thing called divorce to deal with.
Would you guys still go after a girl in this situation?
ADVICE PLEASE!

I suggest you don't go after her. Married/divorced women are trouble, a lot of them have lost their touch from dating/meeting men from being attached to one person so long. On top of that, they tend to want to get re-married to someone new very quickly.

STAY AWAY. Although everytime I've told someone that, they just do it anyway and cry back later.

 

[WestCoaster]

Fish in the sea theory

Why catch minnows when there is halibut to be found?

I don't understand the terminal oneitis of men in general, especially on the DJ board. If a woman has a ring (see my post on the below thread) no reason to pursue it. If she's separated, no reason to pursue it.

There are WAY too many women out there to be spending wasted time on broads with low IL or who are hooked up with someone else.

Why is this theory so difficult for people to understand? She's not the one for you, she's not your soul mate, she doesn't care about you, she doesn't want you, she wants to tease you and play you for a fool, she wants to confuse your head, she wants to keep you away from other women just because ... etc.

NEXT please!

 

[dietzcoi]

Westcoaster,

You hit the nail on the head and answered your own question.

AFCism is a serious disease. We really need to fight it like we fight AIDS and other diseases... but society needs AFCs to function, and therefore has no interest in fighting it. In fact, they promote it!

We can only fight the good fight here, and try to help a few. At least in that way I can feel my life was not totally wasted...

Dietzcoi