Is this girl playing me?

[Matt Rogers]

Ive been dating this girl for a few weeks and she keeps giving me mixed signals.

None of our dates seem to go all that well. Conversation does not really flow and I am not getting any real strong indicators of interest. Usually when a girl likes me she makes it really obvious: stands too close to me, plays with her hair, finds excuses to touch me, and if she really likes me texts me out of the blue compliments me etc.

1st date I was feeling tired and stressed from work so was not in a chatty mood and she seemed to be as bored as I was so I cut things short before she did. I did fancy her so asked her out again and was surprised when she said yes.

2nd date. She was a bit more chatty and asked me more questions but still seemed a little cool. Did say she was surprised I asked her out again as I was giving out not interested vibes. We talk some and she does not seem to mind when I kino her but does not return the kino. I kiss her good night and while she doesn't give me the cheek neither does she seem enthusiastic about it.

3rd date. She agreed to go out with me again and was opening up a bit more. I give her a proper kiss and again she does not resist but when I try and kiss her again she stops me and says "maybe later". We chat a bit more and then she says she has a gym session the next morning so needs to get going. I walk her back to the station and hold her hand and she doesn't seem to mind. I kiss her goodnight and she meets me halfway.

Then things get a bit confusing. I wait a few days and text her saying I had a good time and hopefully see you soon. She does not reply. A few days later I see her on msn messenger. She doesn't say hello, so i wait ten minutes and then think screw it and say "hello". We chat a bit and then i ask her what her plans are for the rest of the week. She says she had a medical tests earlier in the week so was catching up on work. I said "cool. Im going to ireland for a few days. But do you want to meet up when Im back in the UK". She replies "OK sure".

I get back Sunday lunchtime and phone her but it goes straight to her answerphone. So i just leave her a text suggesting meeting up tuesday evening. I don't hear from her until Monday afternoon when she says she is sorry for not replying sooner but is feeling ill and is staying at home so she does not make anyone else sick. No mention of seeing me when she gets better.

I know from experience that girls are terrible at saying "No" and usually when they are not interested just ignore all attempts to contact them. Which is consistent with not replying to my midweek text and taking an age to reply to the text I sent on Sunday. But if this is the case why didn't she just block me on msn and why did she bother letting me know she was ill?

My reading is that she is interested but barely and/or is rude and inconsiderate. Either that or is taking playing hard to get to extremes.

Is it worth giving her another chance and hoping she'll be more consistent in the future or are there just too many red flags and should I try and find a girl who seems more into me?

Most of the girls I end up dating are very interested from the word go so I do not really have much experience with raising girls' interest level and if I am right in thinking she just has real low interest level Ill probably just move on because Im not sure she is worth the effort.

If I do decide to proceed with this what should my strategy be?

 

[realsmoothie]

3rd date. She agreed to go out with me again and was opening up a bit more. I give her a proper kiss and again she does not resist but when I try and kiss her again she stops me and says "maybe later".

Yipes.

Um, she's not interested. If she is, she has some major sex issues going on. When a girl responds to your kiss with the equivalent to "well, I might like to kiss you, but watching the news might be more up my alley", there's nothing there.

 

[kdnash82]

Sounds like low interest to me. What exactly were you guys doing on these dates. Drinks, food, bowling? My point is, if it was a situation where you had to pay for the both of you, then she obviously looked at it as a free meal ticket.

Usually my first date is something simple. Coffee at Starbucks. I'll pay for a $3 cup of coffee. Second is an action date (bowling, ice skating). On this date is where I decide whether I want to see her for a 3rd. If she didn't offer me any money for her skates or shoes, or even offer to buy the drinks or food, then I'm done with her. She has to show me that she's worthy of a 3rd date. If I don't find her worthy of a 3rd date, I will either A. never speak to her again, or B. decide if she's cool enough to keep as a friend with possible benefits at a later point.

What I would do if the answer is B is another story. Overall, I would say the same thing I've always said to people on here. There are too many women in the world to be worried about one. Go out and find them and the ones you use to like will soon become a distant memory. Good luck.

 

[Matt Rogers]

OK. That is pretty much what I thought.

I do not think she has sex issues. I do however get the impression she is has a low opinion of men in general as she mentioned that she thinks most guys are only interested in one thing and lie to get it. God knows how that came up in conversation. But maybe she is playing hard to get or whatever in the hope that if I am just after sex I will get frustrated and blow her off. But even if this is the case I don't like girls who play games.

Id been keeping the dates cheap and besides she is loaded so doesn't need a meal ticket. First date was just a coffee. Second date I took her to this bar playing some live reggae. Third date went to this nice bar.

So probably she just has really low interest level but wants to string me along until something better comes along be it out of boredom or just because she likes the attention.

And if Im being honest with myself Im probably only interested in her because she is seriously hot and a challenge.

So Ill flush her number and get back into the game.

 

[kdnash82]

I'm extremely big on revenge for some strange reason and I've been in a situation similar to yours. I hate the feeling that I was toyed with in some way. My suggestion is pretty much what I did to boost her interest and get some hit and quit action.

Get a group of people together for a night out. A bar would be perfect. I would then invite the girl you mentioned out (girl A). Even if her interest is low, she'll probably still come just because it's a group outting instead of one-on-one. I would also invite another girl that I've had my eye on (girl B).

Then while you're all out having a good time, give 95% of your attention to girl B. If girl A sees that you've having an amazing time with girl B, jealousy will kick in (what does that girl have that I don't have?) then envy will kick in (why can't i be the one having fun with him).

From there, you ignore her. Don't call, text, no form of communication. If she doesn't call, at least you're in with the other chick now. If she does, set up something where you can f-close. After that, be done with her. She'll feel like a slut and you'll still have the other girl to call on. Anyway you look at it, you win and she loses.

 

[Bigg Boss]

I give her a proper kiss and again she does not resist but when I try and kiss her again she stops me and says "maybe later".

WOOOOW

She doesn't even seem like she is giving any good signals at all, just seems like she is being nice.

Stop trying to contact her for a minute and see if she tries to get at you. If she doesn't, you know the deal. Take the L and move to the next one.

 

[Don John NJ]

WOOOOW

She doesn't even seem like she is giving any good signals at all, just seems like she is being nice.

Stop trying to contact her for a minute and see if she tries to get at you. If she doesn't, you know the deal. Take the L and move to the next one.

Agreed. You could just try to freeze her out and see if she tries to contact you. If she does then it is up to you whether you want to see her again.

Maybe you came off too needy or AFC turning her cold? I don't know but just dont bother contacting her again unless she initiates.

 

[Snow Plowman]

Man You're on Day4 and still haven't got no where. I'd give this one up. If you haven't fuvked a girl on Day3 (2nd time ever hanging out together) then you probably won't and might end up wasting you're time.

It sounds like you made it boring. Whether you were stressed and tired, girl's will still associate you as the cause of the boredom. You have to constantly lead, and be vibing. You shouldn't even be waiting to kiss goodnight, you should be kissing from the first time you've met. Only thing you have to do to make things fun with girl's is to just to keep the conversation emotional.

 

[realsmoothie]

OK. That is pretty much what I thought.

I do not think she has sex issues. I do however get the impression she is has a low opinion of men in general as she mentioned that she thinks most guys are only interested in one thing and lie to get it. God knows how that came up in conversation. But maybe she is playing hard to get or whatever in the hope that if I am just after sex I will get frustrated and blow her off. But even if this is the case I don't like girls who play games.

Id been keeping the dates cheap and besides she is loaded so doesn't need a meal ticket. First date was just a coffee. Second date I took her to this bar playing some live reggae. Third date went to this nice bar.

So probably she just has really low interest level but wants to string me along until something better comes along be it out of boredom or just because she likes the attention.

And if Im being honest with myself Im probably only interested in her because she is seriously hot and a challenge.

So Ill flush her number and get back into the game.

Yep! You're already ahead of 90% of the people on this board. Well played, Daniel-San.