Is my friend being played?

[rhcp83]

My friend is 24, has autism, is 330 lbs...very low self esteem. I mean I've never seen anyone with self esteem as low as his. The funny thing is, I've seen a pic of him at about 250 lbs, and he looks not bad at all...has that teddy bear/linebacker look that women like. So this is pure laziness on his part and eating out of depression to look this way.

He has a 16 year old girl's view of relationships. He says things like "I need someone to make me feel whole." "A life without love is a life not worth living."

He dated a 17 year old for a few weeks when he was 20 or 21 and it was one of those junior high relationships. They never had a one on one date, never even kissed close mouthed. Sounds a lot like she was just using him for rides and to say she had a boyfriend for when they were out in groups.

A lot of this isn't his fault...with the autism and depression, and his mom all but ignored him and when she didn't, just ordered him around and used him when she needed help...he had no upbringing and is probably looking for a woman to love him the way his mother never did.

Anyway, so he's on okcupid, and a woman messaged him...not attractive, but in good shape/thin and is showing very, very high interest. She's 29 and is already talking to him like they're bf and gf. He's told her everything about him...the autism...not having a job...other things that would turn off 99 percent of women. I've seen the convos...he's come on way too strong (said "you can text me anytime with love letters and such.") and she reciprocates. She's already talking about wanting to get married and have kids (not to him, but that it's in her plans.)

He talked to her on the phone and it was a girl. I'm wondering if this is some type of scam...I mean girl sees desperate looking obese guy's profile and figures, I can tell him what he wants to hear, he shows up and gets jumped by her boys? Or if this is some desperate psycho just looking to find someone desperate enough to marry her?

Either way...even if it is the latter...that doesn't seem to bother him.

I realize you can't change people, especially over the internet. But I guess there's part of me that cares about him and doesn't want to see him get fvcked over.

On the other hand, he has to learn.

I'm just wondering what you guys think.

 

[coochieman]

Autism is tough. You can't really judge him.

Truth is attraction odds are not in his favour so if he wanted to go through the process of manning up, he would take a really long time. Odds that he would be willing/capable to learn is subdued. The girl playing him isn't priority #1(if she is).... His whole mindset is, I don't really know how hard it'd be for him to learn, but you MUST try to help him inculcate a little don juanism in his life, just help him understand the basics.

Its even f*ckin hard to help a norm person understand the scope, let's hope he learns.

Wish you both the best.

 

[rhcp83]

I'm beginning to wonder if it's a hopeless situation and since we're just online friends, if I should just let him find out for himself someday the ugly way.

I mean, he can't even stand up to his bully mom...allows her to ignore him, then use him when she needs him for something. He's unwilling to go anywhere but his church, says "at least the people know me there." I explained to him how unless you're at a bar or club, people aren't THAT mean, at least face to face, and if he joined an activity, maybe he'd meet someone there and if not would still have fun. He says "But what if they didn't accept me?"

The thing is...he has a bachelor's degree and graduated with a 3 point something...so it's not like he's completely low functioning and incapable. He's just stubborn beyond belief.

He expects women to make the first move. He's calling it "a miracle" that the woman messaged him, "a miracle that I can't screw up."

He also has weight standards when he himself is 330. He doesn't like cute girls or hot girls but when I show him the type of women he'd get along with...he says "too heavy."

He sees couples holding hands in public and gets mad/bitter/jealous and doesn't realize it's all a social act...that these couples fight behind closed doors, have dirty sex, etc. . He was pissed off on Valentine's day. No joke.

Let's say this girl is the real deal...when she finds all of this out, just how insecure he is, how he doesn't stand up to his parents, refuses to go anywhere but church etc., either she will leave, say the same things to him I've been saying all along, or worse yet, she'll be one of those user/manipulative types that just takes advantage of the fact that he's "happy he has a gf."

I guess the reason I talk to him is because I feel it isn't an unsalvagable situation. That if I were him, I'd handle things differently.

But like I said, if he doesn't want to change, he can't be changed.

I just fear that if not this woman, he'll get in deep with any woman that tells him what he's always wanted to hear. He's already saying "I have no problem getting married quicker than I expected if that's what she wants."