Is it ok to break the rule and ask to be exclusive?

[PlayToWin]

So I have been dating this girl for about 2+ months. Its been going good, started off seeing each other once a week or so, now I see her about 3-4 times a week and she has never flat out turned me down when I invite her to come over or do something. During most of the time we were dating I was spinning plates, and still technically am. However I am slowly realizing that I think I want to date this girl exclusively. Normally I follow the rule of letting the women ask to be exclusive, since if she really wants to be with me, then she will ask me.

However this girl is very, very, shy and I don't think she is the type to ever bring herself to ask that question. In fact I have run into her friends at the bar and on 2 different occasions, they have asked me if I would ever consider dating her, of course I blew off the question and said "who knows, I have to get to know her and see if I really like her first", so I figure that she must really like me, if her friends are trying to fish for information for her.

So basically what should I do here, should I just keep doing what I am doing and wait it out until she asks me to be exclusive, or should I just take the initiative and ask her myself. If I do ask her myself, when and where is the most appropriate, I definitely don't want to do some cheesy romantic dinner or anything.

 

[DJDamage]

So basically what should I do here, should I just keep doing what I am doing and wait it out until she asks me to be exclusive, or should I just take the initiative and ask her myself. If I do ask her myself, when and where is the most appropriate, I definitely don't want to do some cheesy romantic dinner or anything.

If it ain't broke, don't break it.

 

[EastWind]

Two months is NOT a long time. If she wants to be exclusive, she will act like it. Asking to be will not make the slightest difference. Except maybe drop your perceived value through your attempt to pin her down.

 

[Warrior74]

lets be honest here. You are catching feelings and you want to get out of the game. You think you found a great girl..a keeper after only 2 months. You got that flutter in yer gut and giddy like a school girl over this chick. That's why you are asking permission to do what you know you don't need to do.

you do know the truth about shy people right? people who are shy are really very selfish. they are so worried about themselves that they can't be themselves. Extremely 'shy' people are hiding who they really are inside. YOu need to wait and draw out her true personality before you give up the game for her. In fact, you need to be spinning plates.

 

[guywhoneedshelp]

Don't be shy. "Shy people are selfish people," according to Glass. "It's not all about you. Focus more on being interested — not interesting — and your mind-set will move away from how awkward you might be feeling."

http://health.discovery.com/centers/sex/articles/sexualsignals.html

By the way I dated a girl for over a year who was shy, and it was a problem. You may be able to break into her shyness but she may still remain shy to the rest of the world. Not a disqualifier, but an obstacle indeed.

http://www.1001kisses.com/comments.php?id=89_0_10_0_C

 

[MacAvoy]

What are you hoping to accomplish by breaking the rule? More importantly,

However this girl is very, very, shy and I don't think she is the type to ever bring herself to ask that question.

I've never met a women that is too shy to let a man that she really really likes fvck as many other women as he wants.

Do you honestly think she's so shy that she'd let you fvck other women forever? Your just using it as an excuse so you can pedastool her.

Becoming exclusive with a woman means the both of you talk about not dating or seeing anyone else. The dating with others comes to an end.

Never ask a women to become exclusive. She must ask YOU. She must talk about it FIRST.

Why? If a woman hasn't asked you yet it means she is still open to seeing others. She still has DOUBTS about you. Highly interested women don't want you going out with other women.

A woman asking for exclusivity is like a 'marriage proposal'. She is cementing and laying the foundation for true intimacy. She wants something that's lasting. It is the ULTIMATE test of interest, guys. She is 'proposing'.

If you ask first, you will never know her true interest level. Why didn't she bring it up? How come she is still letting you see others? Why isn't she CLOSING her options? Is she seeing someone else?

Think about it.

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You should be free as a bird, flapping around, singing, full of joy with life. Women want to trap the bird and throw it in a cage (cage = committment). When birds try to fly into the cage, wouldn't you think something is wrong with that bird? After all, who wants a bird that WANTS to be in the cage? No, women want the birds that are FREE, WILD, and BEAUTIFUL. They want A GOOD CATCH. Good Catches do not fly into cages. Only wounded or needy birds do.

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[PlayToWin]

Thanks guys for all the advice. I have asked for a lot of advice on this forum in the past, and I think this is the most and best advice I have gotten in a while.

As MacAvoy pointed out, that I may subconsciously be trying to pedestal her when I shouldn't be. Its just a former AFC trait coming back to bite me. While I still do like her very much, I should still be out spinning more plates right now up until the very last minute when she asks me to be exclusive.

I appreciate the help guys and setting me in the right direction, as now that you guys have pointed it out what I was doing consciously/subconsciously, it is now easier to recognize what the right decision is and makes it much clearer and easier to make.

Goes to show that path from AFC to DJ is a struggle that will continue your whole life. Right when I thought I was a DJ spinning multiple plates, it only took me 2 months to start to lean towards AFC moves again.

 

[Lust]

Hahahaha, YES.

It's ok!

The problem with the community, is that it over romanticizes the idea of being "the player".

If it makes you happy, go for it.

A lot of community guys over compensate when trying to "lead" the women. If you want to be in an exclusive relationship, ask for it. The worst that can happen is that she'll turn you down, in which you can probably continue what you two share at the moment.

 

[Trojan Forces]

I think I want to date this girl exclusively. Normally I follow the rule of letting the women ask to be exclusive, since if she really wants to be with me, then she will ask me.

However this girl is very, very, shy and I don't think she is the type to ever bring herself to ask that question. In fact I have run into her friends at the bar and on 2 different occasions, they have asked me if I would ever consider dating her, of course I blew off the question and said "who knows, I have to get to know her and see if I really like her first", so I figure that she must really like me, if her friends are trying to fish for information for her.

So basically what should I do here, should I just keep doing what I am doing and wait it out until she asks me to be exclusive, or should I just take the initiative and ask her myself. If I do ask her myself, when and where is the most appropriate, I definitely don't want to do some cheesy romantic dinner or anything.

Given that she is very shy, do you really think that she is going to jump in the sack with someone else? No? Then what is the point?

 

[DJDamage]

The problem with the community, is that it over romanticizes the idea of being "the player".

You have lost the actual understanding of what the sosuave community is all about. It is about meeting, dating, and attracting women. 3 out of 3 criteria's have already been accomplished in this situation, however if not done correctly the "attracting" women part could become a "repelling" part. At this juncture everything has worked great for the OP, so why ruin it?!

If it makes you happy, go for it.

The OP is happy right now, he just wants to secure that pvssy for the long terms and is going about it the wrong way. There is no way of telling if he will be happy once he asks her to be exclusive, because things are going to change. It is why every man has cold feet when he get's married to a woman because he doesn't know if he will have a good marriage, he can only hope so.

If you want to be in an exclusive relationship, ask for it.

If you want to be in an exclusive relationship, you need to turn up your game to a point where the girl you are dating would literally be begging to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Since women are predominately the emotional one's, logic states that if they truly have high interest in you then they will be the one's to bring it up. If this woman hasn't brought it up, then it means she still likes the way things are going right now.

The worst that can happen is that she'll turn you down, in which you can probably continue what you two share at the moment.

Wrong. After she turns him down, she will see him in a different light. In her eyes he is no longer that suave character that was so challenging to tame. At this point she might start to look elsewhere for that thrill.

I know its kind of hard for some of you to wrap this idea around you head but the reality is that women are much more into dating men who bring's a certain anxiety to their lives due to the fear of losing them to another woman.