Interpersonal perception

[BigWillyStyle]

Now, I'm hoping this quandary of mine can be resolved. The quandary is this: People base their judgements on you within several seconds of laying eyes on you, or talking to you, so it's true that "first impressions count". Further, once people have made this snap judgement of you they will interpret your future behaviour to match this preception.

Example: Girl's self-talk says, "man, this guy is a f*cking loser, just look at the way he responds to what I'm saying... f*cking idiot." So, girl now believes guy is a "idiot loser" and can't help but display anything other than barely restrained tolerance to the guy. In fact, she can barely hold back contemptuous laughter when seeing him.

To her, the way you walk is now goofy; the way you wear your hair is crap; the way you smile makes you look like a degenerate; and so forth. People, in general, are not too empathetic toward others -- that is, they don't understand how their treatment towards others, no matter how beneign it may seem (e.g., a stare, a sneer, laughter), can damage others' self-confidence, damage others' wellbeing. Because if enough people engage in the above-mentioned (as many will do if you're socially inept) it has a detrimental impact, it has the ability to lead to deeper social problems.

So, if you're like me, and it takes a LONG time to feel any semblance of comfortableness around someone (especially a chick you find attractive), if you are awkard around someone for weeks, then you're basically f*cked, you're discounted in their eyes without much chance of redemption, right? And if your like this around most to a certain degree, you're really f*cked, right? If not, why not?

Thanks.

(Note: This stuff on social perception isn't just some hocus-pocus crackpot crap I've come up with due to my own excess solitude, there is science behind it [enter "interpersonal perception" into google] but for the sack of brevity I've kept the above simplistic.)

 

[Igetit!]

+1 rep.


True man,so true.

The crazy part about this you can "accidentally" say or do something unbecoming of yourself,and then all of the following perceptions that person has of you will be tainted by that initial mistake.

Of itself,it's neither good nor bad,it's just the way it's used that makes it so.

This also explains why people fall into the friendzone.

A guy will approach a girl being nice,fun,or just being friendly WITHOUT showing any sexual interest in her,then the second,third,fourth,and subsequent times she sees him,she'll still expect him to be and behave the way he was the first time they met.

Then one day,when he finally gets the courage to ask her out,she turns him down because every interaction she's had with him since the first one made her think he was just a fun,courteous,NON-SEXUAL guy.
She doesn't feel any attraction for him because he never displayed a sexual side in the initial meeting.

That's why when you first meet a girl,YOU need to PRESENT YOURSELF in the kind of light you want the girl to see you in.

You need to do it YOURSELF.

If you approach her and just let things "happen",there's no telling what impression she may get of you.

It may be accurate. It may not. No point in leaving it to chance.

By taking control of your representation of yourself,you'll GREATLY INCREASE your chances of making her see you the way you want to be seen.

 

[everywomanshero]

Enter the trap of caring too much. You start this kind of thinking and every interaction becomes a big deal, you have to walk on egg shells or someone might not like you. I say big fing deal if one person, 2 persons, or 10 persons do not like you--it's not that which counts. What counts is if 1 person, 2 persons, or 10 persons do like you... and if you believe in yourself enough to show your real personality that's what is going to happen. Focus on the people who do like you rather than those who do not.

What your saying isn't without merit, but the way you are approaching it I believe will put undue pressure on you. You don't have to please every person you meet, and the harder you try to meet tha unacheivable goal the weirder things are going to get. It's ok to fine tune a little bit but becoming obsessive over these issues will actually give worse results than not giving a flying **** in another great irony. I've ****ed so many hot chicks I stopped counting, yet I don't get along with everyone I meet, not even every hot chic I meet. In order for people to really like you, you need to risk people not liking you.

 

[I'm in the Mood]

You should think of first impressions as prologues to books. It's what women read first to decide if they want to read more.
If you have poor body language and average clothes, this wont necessarily stop you from attracting a woman. What I'm saying here is you can have an average first impression and still get the girl in the end.

Don't try to place too much into your first impression. Imagine reading the most amazing prologue you've ever read, but then the book turns out to be complete crap.
If you're trying to impress and put everything into a first impression of yourself, the girl you're trying to impress could be disappointed later on if you set expectations too high for yourself.

From this, I say that first impressions don't matter at all.
As long as you have your life together you don't need to worry about first impressions. Unless you feel your image is bad there's no need to peacock the hell out of yourself or anything.

Women are not as judgmental as the OP presents them.
They're not going to take one look at you and say "no" unless you're really disorganized or you look like you just walked out of a swamp.
Your personality, social skills and your level of comfort communicating with women are far more powerful than your first impression.
If you want to leave a good impression on a woman, work on these things, not your appearance and body language.
I mean it won't hurt if you do, it's just that if you need work on these other things, it's by far more substantial than working on how you leave first impressions.

When you really want an impression to count is when you start to feel a connection with a woman. This is a pivot point where you want to put your focus into, again, not first impressions. First impressions are NOT pivot points.

 

[FairShake]

Maybe for some women.

But alot of women do not care if you are a bit awkward or geeky at first. If you turn out to be of a decent enough stock as they get to know you then you have a good chance.

You probably won't get laid out of clubs with your problems. So what? If you are good enough once you get comfortable then you will get laid and have relationships with people you know in your life. Social circles, school, work, etc. You have the time to get to know them and make that effort.