I'm still having problems "letting go" and not letting the outcome affect me

[teddy]

I've gotten over rejection for the most part because I figure what's the worst that can happen, that she doesn't want to be friends? Well, I don't want to be friends anyway, so I don't care.

However, I still ruminate about rejections for a while after. I ****ed up recently and went on a couple dates with a girl without escalating properly. Of course, I also found out she had a boyfriend, which kind of messed things up for me, too, since I'm not advanced enough for that yet.

I think my experience with this girl ****ed me up and now I'm starting to develop oneitis for her even though I haven't seen her in over a month. I'm ruminating the **** out of her. This was the **** I hoped to leave behind when I started this DJ stuff and I was doing well for a stretch and now this is bringing back all my old insecurities and low-esteem.

 

[:-)]

you came into this world alone brother and out of this world you will go alone. anything inbetween is a funfair ride.

just remember that.

 

[teddy]

It doesn't help that this girl I ****ed up with was a quality chick, hot and good personality, similar taste. And I got to know her too much I think.

 

[Robert28]

It doesn't help that this girl I ****ed up with was a quality chick, hot and good personality, similar taste. And I got to know her too much I think.

Quality chick?? You said yourself that she had a boyfriend but still went on a "couple of dates with you", right? That's NOT a "quality" chick, man. That's a cheating skank, an attention wh0re, and anything BUT quality.

 

[Steve-O]

It's a fleeting moment of trial. I've been through it before. I messed up and she broke up with me. It really hurt because all my focus was on her and she was the only girl in my life at that point. So many weeks passed by and all I kept thinking about was her over and over again. Replaying various scenes in my head of how I could have fixed it but the truth was that it was over. However, I went out there and started talking to other girls because I knew that would be one of the only ways for me to get over her. Within a few weeks, she was virtually out of my mind. Even when I found out that she had meet another guy, it still didn't phase me.

Something I also used to do was do pushups anytime a fleeting thought of her crossed my mind. I would do ten pushups every time. My brain matched thoughts of her with the pain of doing it everytime and it helped to stop thinking of her.

Just go out there and meet other girls. She's just one girl out of thousands of other girls. There are girls out there who will not go on dates with you while they have boyfriends.

 

[Jariel]

It takes time and practice. As a general rule, the more and the worse rejections you experience, the more immune you become to them.

This is why a lot of PUAs promote the numbers game...just get out and hit on everyone, tally up your rejections and then put it down to experience.

This is a good attitude. Instead of focusing on the end goal and "capturing" the girl, treat every interaction as an experience and use it to adapt and finetune your game.

One of the big problems I notice with guys here is that they invest way too much in girls who they haven't even dated/banged, whether it's time, effort, money or just hope. When they get rejected, they feel like they've lost someone close, when in reality you're just 1 in 10 guys she's texting or flirting with at that time.

This is where the plate spinning comes in. You need to make this girl your 1 in 10. Trust me, when you have other plates to turn to after a rejection, you generally don't give a damn.

 

[:-)]

It doesn't help that this girl I ****ed up with was a quality chick, hot and good personality, similar taste. And I got to know her too much I think.

she is not a 'quality' chick. that's just your perception fvcking with you.

she is a flesh and blood machine made out of bones, covered with flesh and tissue and skin enhanced by artificial products otherwise known as 'make-up' and programmed by whatever social and educational environment she happened to be born into. she may have got lucky with regards to the presentation but that is all she is. in time, this machine will deteriorate and fall foul to decay.

just remember that.

 

[abe0]

"the worse and more rejections..the more immune you become"....truer words were never spoken. I remember coming off my divorce...how much I would hurt by screwing things up in who I thought..."this is the one!". Well, few years later...lots of dates...lots of flakes...you do become immune or numb...or indifferent.
I recently met a lady ...she lives a couple of hours away so our dates lasted half days. I saw her this last Saturday...she came over my house. I have not heard from her since and I have not tried contacting her. I figure if she wants me...she will call....If I call and she has lost interest...I am only making things worse. If she still had interest and I call...then it sounds like I am needy and then she will loose interest. I really liked this lady...but my only option is stay cool and let her come to me.
If she doesn't....her loss....NEXT! Meantime I am trying to court a couple of ladies...and that is the trick...to keep a few plates spinning in case the one you wants stops spinning, falls off the stick, and cracks.
Good luck....we all want to believe that all these women all the ones...the great ones....take a red pill....for I am still taking those pills and unfortunately by bottle is still half full!
Abe

 

[Wingedsig]

Welcome to the club bro. Same boat, and we're co-workers. Be thankful you aren't in that situation.

 

[Tomo]

Mind over matter, when those thoughts come into your head, no matter how hard it is to not think about it, you just have to go find something else to do - hobby, other plates etc and slowly she'll just become a figment of your mind.

 

[NewToTheGame]

Two suggestions for the future:

1. Spin plates. Not as easy for all of us, but is a surefire oneitis killer. Even if you aren't banging multiple girls, going out and talking to different girls helps you stay in the abundance mentality.

**2. Stop imagining the future with the girl you just started seeing. I am VERY guilty of this. And it is DEADLY. Because if things go south with a new chick, all of a sudden you just lost your potential GF, wife, mother of your children, etc. Instead of just another random girl. Try to focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. Talk to and hang with other women at the same time, and you will be fine.**

Happy New Year

 

[teddy]

Two suggestions for the future:

1. Spin plates. Not as easy for all of us, but is a surefire oneitis killer. Even if you aren't banging multiple girls, going out and talking to different girls helps you stay in the abundance mentality.

**2. Stop imagining the future with the girl you just started seeing. I am VERY guilty of this. And it is DEADLY. Because if things go south with a new chick, all of a sudden you just lost your potential GF, wife, mother of your children, etc. Instead of just another random girl. Try to focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. Talk to and hang with other women at the same time, and you will be fine.**

Happy New Year

Focusing on just hanging out and having fun helps, but the problem comes in that I'm still working on my DJ skills. So I do have to focus on escalation, too, lest the dreaded friend zone kicks in.