I'm like the Hulk, how do I control it?

[The LadyKiller]

No, I do not consistently engage in fits of rage and destroy everything in my path. I am also not green-skinned. But I realized that I have a little Hulk in me, but am not sure how to consistently use it for good. Let me explain.

98% of the time, I am extremely calm, cool and collected. Almost too much so. I'm not very emotional, am usually happy-go-lucky, and stay away from drama. I've been through a lot and have seen a lot of different things when it comes to social and dating endeavors, so I generally know which situations to avoid and overall, things don't really phase me.

But that other 2%? Total beast mode. If somebody takes a personal shot at me or tries to embarrass/humiliate/disrespect me, it's a wrap. I'll immediately put the other person in their place and am not afraid to do so. The other person is usually so stunned they can't even refute. While in this "Hulk" mode, I'm hungry for it. Any jab will be met with swift and decisive action. While I don't physically assault anyone (though I could deliver some serious pain), I think quickly and can usually outsmart those coming after me. The only thing is, it isn't controllable. Like a tornado, the necessary elements need to be in place for it. It's not automatic.

Why am I bringing this up in a dating forum? Well, it seems I get the best results while in that 2% "Hulk" mode. I'm focused, extremely decisive, and no HBs stir up any bullsh*t with the Hulk. But it's not sustainable in the long-term, and it's not fun. I don't like getting "angry." I prefer to be the fun, 98% of the time me. How do I best control, or balance out, the two modes so HBs get the best 100%? HBs in my social circle don't even try to stir up drama with me. They might talk behind my back as all girls do, but they know that 2% is very real and won't try to wake it up. Only problem is, they know it's only a 2% risk.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

I have the same thing.

It most likely comes down to some residual insecurity you have: ask yourself why people taking "a personal shot at" you and trying to "embarass/humiliate" you bothers you so much. I'd wager it's because you're insecure on some level; when someone insults you, it brings up feelings of inferiority or you feel that they're trying to take you down a peg, and you displace these feelings by reacting explosively. If you were truly secure, you wouldn't have this fear of being knocked down because you would know that no-one can ever harm you (at least with words). The confident response is to laugh it off, agree & amplify, or deflect it in some way that lets people know they didn't get to you. I'm not a big fan of JC & The Disciples but "Turn the other cheek" is pretty good advice.

Now for my generic advice for any emotional problems: read Stoic philosophy. Usually I would say start with Epictetus' Enchiridion, but since we're on the topic, read On Anger by Seneca first.

 

[The LadyKiller]

I have the same thing.

It most likely comes down to some residual insecurity you have: ask yourself why people taking "a personal shot at" you and trying to "embarass/humiliate" you bothers you so much. I'd wager it's because you're insecure on some level; when someone insults you, it brings up feelings of inferiority or you feel that they're trying to take you down a peg, and you displace these feelings by reacting explosively. If you were truly secure, you wouldn't have this fear of being knocked down because you would know that no-one can ever harm you (at least with words). The confident response is to laugh it off, agree & amplify, or deflect it in some way that lets people know they didn't get to you. I'm not a big fan of JC & The Disciples but "Turn the other cheek" is pretty good advice.

Sounds right. Though I am confident in myself, there are some small holes. The thing is, I don't have this combative reaction all that often (2% of the time). If it's someone I get along with or I know it's not that serious, I laugh at it. But when it's someone I don't trust or I feel they're really trying to knock me down, that could trigger the "Hulk."

I grew up with a lot of people telling me what I could and couldn't do, creating a chip on my shoulder. In high school, I was the scrawny "mascot" who couldn't get a girl, and heard all about it. Years later, things have drastically improved with my physique and female attention, but the chip isn't completely gone. I still take things more personally that I should be. Back then, I did nothing. Today, anyone who brings that feeling back could be triggering my reaction.

 

[Alvafe]

I consider this the other way around, why someone will try to embarass or take shots at you? they envy you for any reason, do I ahd to deal with it? yes, do I care? nope, my I will not let anyone try to step over me for his ego and will trip then back to they place, I it in a fun and funny way, so anyone who herad it will do a little smile at least.

and serious turn the other cheek? I prefer at punch given at me, I give 3 back, they say generosity is a good thing, so i'm generous on this.

History time, I had a friend of a friend who liked to try to make fun of me, what I did? without holding back and without losing time I make fun out of him, result of this? he didn't liked me lol, did I care nope, I even ahd one time my friend even said his friend didn't liked me for making fun of him, I just said as long he try to make fun out of me I will put him back on his place, if he can't take it better him stop.

and that is all I sure don't know why you should hold back because of someone jealous, make it fun and laugh, stop caring what otehrs will think, for all I know i'm in a good place and they are trying to bring me down with then

 

[IBreatheSpears]

@The Ladykiller
Well, now you know what to work on.

@Alvafe
For sure, people who take unprovoked shots at other people are most likely insecure themselves (though it could also be a strategy e.g. to make themselves more attractive to a girl or for a promotion or anything else) but we can't tell them to change.

When I say turn the other cheek I don't mean "be a simpering wuss and let them keep talking down to you", I mean communicate that it doesn't matter, that you're so far above them it's just funny that they think they can touch you. I can't remember who I read recently who said this, might've been CH, but the attitude you should have is the same you'd have if a little kid insulted you. If a kid calls you ugly, you don't cry or shout, you laugh, because what does a kid's opinion matter?

Also: you only have two cheeks.

 

[Thorninmyside]

98% of the time, I am extremely calm, cool and collected. Almost too much so.

SNIP

But that other 2%? Total beast mode.

It sounds like passive aggressive behaviour to me. I used to totally be p/a. When you consider yourself calm, cool, collected... Are you sure you're not just sucking up the little things and trying to tell yourself they don't bother you? It happened to me, and I'd almost relish someone giving me an excuse to go postal on them.

I found that being assertive, speaking up more rather than pretending things didn't bother me, and avoiding people-pleasing behaviour was the ticket to not going hulk when something really ticked me off. In fact, the things that used to don't.