Im getting better rapidly after a split

[Lion]

Before I go on, this site has cleared me up in a matter of days instead of weeks, months.... big thank you



Ok, I've been with an older woman for 6 months and it turns out my Don Juan was preprogrammed into me (only with this woman, my previous gfs gave me one-itis) and functional until the last couple of months!

I always had her chasing me, she would txt, msn me more than I would.

Then before xmas she began to get fed up with my lack of attention, saying Id rather play cards with my buddies etc...
I think this is where my lack of knowledge and self belief created my downfall.

I began to get sentimental and made sure that I saw her when she suggested it. Then she mentioned the in love phase thing, insinuating that I may feel in love with but not love her. She told me she was afraid of falling in love with me. I graduate soon and she kinda knew that I wouldnt be around after that.


So anyway theres lots of things I could have done better but I know what to do now and I am grateful for this site!

During xmas (i was away from her staying with my family) I got one-itis and didnt wait for her to txt me like she said she would. She then didnt reply to an email I sent.

I felt she had drifted but again, rememebr no further DJ knowledge, so the one-itis got worse.... I wanted to ask her if she had drifted but lacked confidence so I just skirted around it with stupid talk.



I come back to college and she is suprised I am back (i told her 2 weeks and thats how long i was away!). Sends me an email telling me she is seeing someone.

So i completely freak out and get real pissed off and ring/email/txt her too many times. She says she feels **** about the whole thing and says we will talk soon.
Then i tell her thanks for telling me and please dnt feel sad about it.

The day after I suggest we meet up- doh!

So anyway, the last txt i sent was to tell her I didnt mean all the things i had said.

I am almost over her but I know she would get back with me if she saw me in person (she cant get enough when we kiss).

So now I want to show her my new found DJ knowledge and tell her in a suttle way that I dont care what she does and that she misunderstood my reaction to her breaking away/

1. What should I do?

Wait for her to contact me...she said she wants to talk but not at this stage?
Its been 4 days since she broke away.

2. I want her one-itising me again, less so for my confidence and more for her to realise that she made a mistake!

3. How do I covertly go about telling her I am stronger and she is the fool?


Im amazed at how quickly i recovered, it seems this site is the BEST :yes:

Cheers

 

[flexion_]

She told you she is seeing someone else. You move on - that is your answer to questions 1,2 and 3.

 

[Lion]

What would be the implications of writing an email to her;

Saying how Im stronger than ever and had more to offer than she saw and theres no looking back now.

What if I sent a photo of me looking good with another woman or just in a group of mates?

I know I will get purists saying move on but I really want to rub it in back her face!

 

[resilient]

Bro, no need for childish tactics. Just go out with your new found DJ skills and game other women. It's as simple as that. It sounds like you need her validation for acceptance of yourself. The only one who can give you that self-esteem lift is yourself. Never go out of your way to prove yourself to another women; that's supplication. She should like you for who you are already and not the new you that you're trying to impress her with. Let actions speak louder than words. I've found that Ignoring and living well is the best revenge to oneitis.

 

[Lion]

thanks guys, I am listening mr elor, just need clarification on some things!

I feel great and think about her much less than I did, the ONLY times are when I wake up, negative things always spring to mind. how can I stop this from happenning?
cheers

 

[resilient]

changing your state

Focus on positive goals you have for your future. What are your dreams in life?

When you get up and start thinking negatively, think about the freedom you now how have to focus on yourself and rebuilding your self-acceptance. You might start with some positive affirmations in the morning to get you thinking straight. Check Pook's posts or the tips forum if you need some material to get you started.

Stretch, throw on some happy music while you get ready for school/work, put a few uplifting famous quotes around your room to remind you're back on track.

If you want an instantly snap out of angry state repeat to yourself "I like myself" 10x in a row with emotion. It sounds lame, but actually makes me instantly feel better about myself. Or another one I like saying now is "It really doesn't matter."

Or if you feel bitter and begin clinging to your hurt ego again, accept that it happened, and believe you're a better man now for it. That you learned your lesson and that someone even better is waiting for you out there some day.

Also, make sure you've removed all pictures, desktop wallpaper, notes, gifts from her in your room. You don't want to see them and become reattached to the emotions you had with the memories of her. Delete her # so you won't be attempted from drunk dialing/texting, block her sn on aim/msn/icq. Spam her e-mail address. These are some extreme tips, but really helpful in getting you to move on. I typically enjoy rounding up all the junk I got from her and immediately go outside to throw it all in the trash bin. Don't forget to chat up other girls too, they'll help you get your mind off her.

Remember, the Great Catch is always willing to walk away because he knows he has options (and if you don't yet, act as if until you do have them).