I'm a bit confused...

[superhornet59]

Okay, im a pretty good model of whats tought here. not because my life is spent reading these articles, but because this is what im already like as a person.

but the thing is, even though im funny and exciting around women, even though i make them laugh, make them smile, there doesnt seem to be a spark. they tell me that im great, and its not that im the sincere good friend type, but they really get attracted to me at first, but quickly lose intrest. i dont become boring, predictalbe or any of those things. they just lose interest. what could i be doing wrong?

 

[Nighthawk]

What do you suspect the problem to be?

 

[superhornet59]

dont even know. im pretty secure about myself so i dont have a list of flaws in my personality lol. im just a bit afraid that i could be a nice guy? i mean, i treat women really well, im always curtious. does that mean im boring? nope, im fun, but then again i dont get arrested very often. hence, im a little confused.

 

[flexion_]

You aren't giving enough information. Which part of the DJ bible seems different than what you are used to?

 

[superhornet59]

ya i know im not to clear on it, after all i am confused lol. i think the problem may lie in the whole good guy/ bad guy thing.

i mean i love to tease women, mess around, have fun.

now i read, in multiple places, that the wild card persona of the bad boys is appealing, and its an incredibly good trait if a guy can have that kind of spirit without being a jerk.

im no jerk, im nice, but i know how to be evil in my own funny way. women love it, i can always entertain them, and i show that i respect them too. so i dont really think im being a good boy because im not submissive like that.

i mean, is it a good idea, for example, to always be supportive? alot of the time girls will bring up a past boyfriend or something bad like that that happened, im always there to console them. i hear 'dont talk about past relationships!', but i dont have the heart to change the subject or make an excuse to leave when theyre hurt, id just feel to guilty.

so, does being there for her scream 'friend'? i never act dependant, and im always talking with many women at once so its not like i suck up to them. i just dont see why they like me as a friend, but arent open to a higher level of relationship. some say they would go out with me if i asked because im a really good boyfriend, but i just dont 'feel' the chemistry.

theyd give me a chance, but they dont talk about me to there friends, they dont think about me all day, they just dont show that they want to go out with me, but that they just would.

i dont want them to just go along with it and go on a date, i want them to really feel attracted to me and want me.

youve probably been in one of those relationships at some point. your dating, shes a great person, your a great person, but your heart doesnt race when you see her smile. you dont think about her all day. you like her, but you dont crave her.

so i guess it boils down to, why cant i make them feel that desire?

 

[\O/]

i mean, is it a good idea, for example, to always be supportive? alot of the time girls will bring up a past boyfriend or something bad like that that happened, im always there to console them. i hear 'dont talk about past relationships!', but i dont have the heart to change the subject or make an excuse to leave when theyre hurt, id just feel to guilty.

I think one of your biggest problems might be that you are not conveying yourself as a sexual being. This will make the girls fail to see you as a potential sexual partner. You don't have to be a supplicating wuss to be put in the friendzone. Lack of sexual energy will do the same thing. Maybe you appear as more of the "type of guy you marry" to the girls. This will appeal more to the logic side of women and less to the biological side.

The best thing you can do imo, is to add a lot of KINO and sexual innuendo to your game. You are already teasing them, so why not do it in a sexual way? KINO is essential! It's so powerful. You should do a search on it..lots of great posts has been made on the subject.

Personally, I think it's a mistake to listen to a girls problems and console them. Unless they are already a friend of you ofcourse. Tell her that you are not one of her girlfriends and honestly not the right person to talk to. Being the guy who comforts her and consoles her will most of the time work against your purpose. Instead, try to mention something similar in your life, ficticious or not, and toast to new times!! A new and exiting start..or something along those lines. Then go into more positive subjects. Rembember, she should have fun while being with you.

 

[superhornet59]

I really agree with showing off my more sexual side, but im a bit timid that way because i realy dont want to come across as a pervert. believe me, when you hear enough girls talk enough smack about guys being pervs and pigs and whatnot, it can make the biggest DJ shy. do i find myself to be perverted? heck no. but from allthese stories... i do NOT want to find myself in that position, because i have with some crazy whacko girls (that i have learned to stay away from!)

so ya, how do i put myself out there without looking like a perv, or fitting into the sterotype of being a dog that only wants sex? cause alot of the times when i give girls (that dont know me) compliments and stuff, they look at me with that 'oh ive got you all figrued out, i know what you want' kind of expression. trying harder to prove i DONT want anything is a trap that i fall into. so how can i say 'yes, i do want you' but still look like im a decent guy and not putting on an act?

and as far as cheering girls up about theyre problems, thats what i do. im not there to have a deep discussion, but if there feeling bad about something i can always make some jokes and boom, theyre having fun like nother ever happened.

personaly i think it starts with the meeting. i show off that im good and decent, and they take it as i just want to be there friend forever, while in reality i just want to hang around them for a while to get to know them before making a decision as to where i want to go with it.

how can i create an open ended relationship?

(whoever can anwser those is a dating genious, because those are questions that no article or bible or anything ive ever read realy goes over)

thanks -Matt

 

[\O/]

!)

so ya, how do i put myself out there without looking like a perv, or fitting into the sterotype of being a dog that only wants sex? cause alot of the times when i give girls (that dont know me) compliments and stuff, they look at me with that 'oh ive got you all figrued out, i know what you want' kind of expression. trying harder to prove i DONT want anything is a trap that i fall into. so how can i say 'yes, i do want you' but still look like im a decent guy and not putting on an act?

how can i create an open ended relationship?

(whoever can anwser those is a dating genious, because those are questions that no article or bible or anything ive ever read realy goes over)

thanks -Matt

Actually, all those questions are being adressed in the DJ bible.

You can't be afraid that the girls will look at you as a pervert. You have nothing to hide and you should not be ashamed for wanting sex. Never be apologetic for making a move. But you can't make your approaches in a scared, timid or approvalseeking way. It's the AFC way.

You need to be deattached from the outcome. Do what YOU want to do instead of what you think she wants you to do. If she don't like it, maybe it wasn't meant to be. Then you move to the next girl.

Instead of giving girls you hardly know compliments, there are many better ways to get her intrigued by you. Instead of compliments you should use push/pull techniques. Instead of telling her you like her, you should use role reversal. Be flirtatious!! Give her sexual eye contact. If she says something you don't approve of or disagree with...express it with negative body language such as takeaways and backturns. You need to calibrate her and respond in the proper way.

I really think you should read Senõr Fingers classic post - Weapons of Mass Seduction. It truly is one of the greatest articles written on the subject. It's in the bible.

Enjoy and good luck!!

 

[superhornet59]

Ya, I live by Push-Pull.

one thing im confused on, what do you mean by 'sexual eye contact?'

im also really good with reaching rapport. problem is when i get those moments of self-conciousness. Its the same thing as athletes with 'the zone', as soon as you realize your there your out. its like that with me. im having this great conversation, going fine, and then i realize 'hey! im having a great conversation! wait... how did i get here, how can i learn from this to get there easier?' and then... poof, the flow stops and the typical 'so...' comes into play.

moslty its because im learning psychology and im really interested in it, and i always try and analyze things like rapport, sadly i cant control when i do it exactly, because once im there i cant help but think about the rapport, not the conversation. what can i do about this?