Identity crisis: Who am I?

[Shivastorm_88]

I feel like sharing this with you guys, also to know if anyone has similar experiences or opinions as I do, or ever went through similar crisis as I did.

Lately I've been through a pretty solid identity crisis. And by lately, I mean over the course of the last six to twelve months. I've been through many phases. At some point I was hanging out with pothead friends of mine, who are all about pop media culture (movies, music, art), trying to fit in with them, only to find out that this was not meant for me.

After that, I've reverted back to my very old self, playing compulsively at video games. Thankfully, this lasted about one month before I realized that this was also not meant for me. I also have been thinking a lot about the PUA lifestyle (not DJ, simply PUA), but then I realized I do not have the motivation or the drive to constantly go out there to seek out ONS. I am much more interested in building an LTR.

After my phase of video games, and after realizing the PUA world isn't for me, I felt like I was at a loss. I started hanging out with new friends, and with them I was doing much more sports, and we also hanged out a lot, sometimes playing video games, watching movies, going out for shisha, grabbing a beer, but nothing hardcore. So far, it has been something that I really liked.

I decided to take it one step further and try to become even more active sport-wise. I started wall climbing (and I am still doing it), hiking, doing yoga, snow shoeing, roller-blading, kayaking, etc. I really love all those activities, but I had made myself a point to sort of "live only for them". Every time I had some free time, I wanted to go hike for the day, etc. I wanted to stop all the pointless hanging out (watching movie, shisha with friends, going to a bar, etc.) and keep busy with fulfilling activities. This didn't last too long. Although it is very fun once in a while, doing that once or twice a week is a bit too much. And with school, it's hard to have a full day off.

So up to recently, I was at a point where I tried to create a new identity, one that was constantly active and always doing sports, always willing and wanting to try new things. Also, always trying to stay as healthy as possible (eat healthy, etc.) All in all, I think it's an interesting path, but again, it is not me. I have a certain level of motivation, but to always hold this level, I don't think I can. This is why I am saying I have an identity crisis. Every time I tried to move in one direction, it seemed that something blocked me. I had an obstacle in my way.

Then I realized what my main issue is: Drugs, I no longer hold any interest in them, that's thing of the past. Video games, I still love them, but only in small quantities (a few hours a week, nothing more) when I play alone, or a lan with friends from times to times. Hanging out with friends and procrastinate, I also love that. Sports, I have a real interest for them. Going out for a full day of adventure (e.g.: hiking one full day, kayak in giant lakes, fishing, etc.) is also something that I find of great interest. However, I was trying to create an identity out of one of these activities alone. I was seeing it as black or white. Basically, it was only one of the choices, and it could not be any other, not even a mix. However, nothing stops me from taking a full day for myself and going hiking one or twice per month, and then at the same time regularly practice certain sports (yoga, wall climbing), while making sure I have enough time for other things that are equally important, such as friends, socializing and hanging out.

I think this is what can solve my issue of "who am I?". Realizing that I am not one activity, but a collection of interest and hobbies. I should not feel obligated to go hiking because it is "who I am". Instead, I should go hiking because I want too, because it is an activity that I like. At the same time, I should not be against playing an hour of video games during my free time because it goes "against the image I want to create of myself" if I still enjoy video games.

As for women, I realized also I was seeing things in black and white. Either you are a player, racking up ONS, or not getting any at all. Also, either you spent all your free time trying to get with women, or you weren't doing things properly. However, it is not as black and white. There is a nice gray area, which is the area that interests me. Yes, it includes dating, but only in the optic of finding the girl that suits my needs best. I won't find the proper characteristics in the first girl I meet (unless I'm incredibly lucky) so I have to browse around. However, this does not mean that I have to be constantly hunting for women. It can be done passively in my day-to-day life (at school, when I go out with friends, when I do activities, etc.)



I think the answer to my identity crisis is: There is no "one right category" to describe a person. A person is not one activity, he is a set of hobbies, interests and many other aspects. I can have many hobbies that contradict themselves in essence (outdoor activities VS video games). I do not need to be stuck in only one mold. Versatility is what makes life interesting.

 

[garruk]

I feel like sharing this with you guys, also to know if anyone has similar experiences or opinions as I do, or ever went through similar crisis as I did.

Lately I've been through a pretty solid identity crisis. And by lately, I mean over the course of the last six to twelve months. I've been through many phases. At some point I was hanging out with pothead friends of mine, who are all about pop media culture (movies, music, art), trying to fit in with them, only to find out that this was not meant for me.

After that, I've reverted back to my very old self, playing compulsively at video games. Thankfully, this lasted about one month before I realized that this was also not meant for me. I also have been thinking a lot about the PUA lifestyle (not DJ, simply PUA), but then I realized I do not have the motivation or the drive to constantly go out there to seek out ONS. I am much more interested in building an LTR.

After my phase of video games, and after realizing the PUA world isn't for me, I felt like I was at a loss. I started hanging out with new friends, and with them I was doing much more sports, and we also hanged out a lot, sometimes playing video games, watching movies, going out for shisha, grabbing a beer, but nothing hardcore. So far, it has been something that I really liked.

I decided to take it one step further and try to become even more active sport-wise. I started wall climbing (and I am still doing it), hiking, doing yoga, snow shoeing, roller-blading, kayaking, etc. I really love all those activities, but I had made myself a point to sort of "live only for them". Every time I had some free time, I wanted to go hike for the day, etc. I wanted to stop all the pointless hanging out (watching movie, shisha with friends, going to a bar, etc.) and keep busy with fulfilling activities. This didn't last too long. Although it is very fun once in a while, doing that once or twice a week is a bit too much. And with school, it's hard to have a full day off.

So up to recently, I was at a point where I tried to create a new identity, one that was constantly active and always doing sports, always willing and wanting to try new things. Also, always trying to stay as healthy as possible (eat healthy, etc.) All in all, I think it's an interesting path, but again, it is not me. I have a certain level of motivation, but to always hold this level, I don't think I can. This is why I am saying I have an identity crisis. Every time I tried to move in one direction, it seemed that something blocked me. I had an obstacle in my way.

Then I realized what my main issue is: Drugs, I no longer hold any interest in them, that's thing of the past. Video games, I still love them, but only in small quantities (a few hours a week, nothing more) when I play alone, or a lan with friends from times to times. Hanging out with friends and procrastinate, I also love that. Sports, I have a real interest for them. Going out for a full day of adventure (e.g.: hiking one full day, kayak in giant lakes, fishing, etc.) is also something that I find of great interest. However, I was trying to create an identity out of one of these activities alone. I was seeing it as black or white. Basically, it was only one of the choices, and it could not be any other, not even a mix. However, nothing stops me from taking a full day for myself and going hiking one or twice per month, and then at the same time regularly practice certain sports (yoga, wall climbing), while making sure I have enough time for other things that are equally important, such as friends, socializing and hanging out.

I think this is what can solve my issue of "who am I?". Realizing that I am not one activity, but a collection of interest and hobbies. I should not feel obligated to go hiking because it is "who I am". Instead, I should go hiking because I want too, because it is an activity that I like. At the same time, I should not be against playing an hour of video games during my free time because it goes "against the image I want to create of myself" if I still enjoy video games.

As for women, I realized also I was seeing things in black and white. Either you are a player, racking up ONS, or not getting any at all. Also, either you spent all your free time trying to get with women, or you weren't doing things properly. However, it is not as black and white. There is a nice gray area, which is the area that interests me. Yes, it includes dating, but only in the optic of finding the girl that suits my needs best. I won't find the proper characteristics in the first girl I meet (unless I'm incredibly lucky) so I have to browse around. However, this does not mean that I have to be constantly hunting for women. It can be done passively in my day-to-day life (at school, when I go out with friends, when I do activities, etc.)



I think the answer to my identity crisis is: There is no "one right category" to describe a person. A person is not one activity, he is a set of hobbies, interests and many other aspects. I can have many hobbies that contradict themselves in essence (outdoor activities VS video games). I do not need to be stuck in only one mold. Versatility is what makes life interesting.

congrats man, i've definately been in your shoes before. and it sounds liek you've come across a major breaking point in your self-development

i thought id throw out my own 2 cents to maybe provide some help to you.


when you mentioned no "one right category" you are absoultely right. everyone has different goals and values and so you cant say one person is more "right" than another.

between martin luther king jr, hugh hefner, and the video game nerd living in his mom's basement, can you honestly say one person's lifestyle is more "right" than another?

who are you to say that screwing hot girls (Hugh) is more important than bringing equality to an entire race of people(MLK), or more important than spending your life doing ONLY what makes you happy and not having to work(nerd).

I want to be financially wealthy, physcially fit, and happily married at 35. Those are my goals, and that's what im going to aim for. It's not any more or less "right" than someone who wants to be the first man on Mars, or someone who wants to play video games forever.



what it comes down to is: set your own goals and set out to achieve them.

you only lose in life if you regret your decisions/actions.

 

[Drdeee]

Man, you actually inspired me to do a boot camp.

I think life is, regret of the past and fear of the future, so in the moment is a nice status quo, where either regret of the past or fear of the future makes you forge a proper path for yourself; one which you won't regret, and fulfilling enough so you're not afraid if you die tomorrow.

 

[SamTheHobit]

Im having a identity crisis at the moment. Its a real problem im not coping to well, just taking one step at a time in search of finding myself.

 

[Deadly_Ripped]

It's very important to establish that your goal is not to find something to define you, but to find something that enriches and betters your life. Through these activities your identity will be EXPRESSED rather than DEFINED.

I'm glad you realized on your own that your identity is far more than any one activity or interest. I think that a lot of people use the

all-or-nothing
it is who I am or it is who I am not
black and white
hardcore or not at all
do it perfectly or go home

types of attitudes to justify inactivity and avoidance. Those phrases above may be true for a small subsection of people on this planet, but only as ideals to be strived towards; not as actual dogmas to live by (no such thing as perfect... hardcore is undefinable except by comparison, all is impossible etc...).

And even those people only have room for one or two things like that in their lives, and the rest of their time is spent in moderation like the rest of us. Moderation is the key for the non-ubermensch out there (or however it was pronounced). Moderation allows us to enjoy without stress, and to improve without the expectation of perfection. The human condition is marred by flaws, many of which we would see eliminated, but as they cannot be eliminated they must be tolerated (notice I do not say embraced like the losers out there who believe that things are unchangeable) and worked-around for the purpose of achieving that which brings us happiness.