i think she wants me to love her more..?? (LONG POST)

[Three3Kingz]

ive been dating this girl (HB8.5) for almost 2 months now. just got back from a 2 week vacation in which i only called her twice. well i only called some of my other close friends a few times too. my best friend is dating her best friend as of right before i went away so he had some time to talk to her and so he told me i should of called her more than twice. idk if it was her saying that or him trying to tell me how to handle this girl cuz this is my first really close girlfriend.

anyways i did buy her a bracelet over vacation which she really liked. so i hung out with her yesterday for the first time since i got back, and ive never made her laugh so much. so she wanted me to come over later that night. so i went over and we watched a movie and made out a little.

now making out with her is nothing new to me. last night i had to almost spit perfect game at her to get any. it was so hard just to make out with her lol. this girl is so prude, which i have no problem with waiting atleast 6 months to have sex with her.

it was pretty frustrating last night how hard it was for me just to make out with her. how long should i try to have sex with her before calling it quits?? 8 months?? a year?? im just afraid that im gonna waste a year of my high school career on a girl that never ****ed me. i know she really loves me. my best friend told me she missed me a lot and her dad even said she missed me.

i want to really love this girl but i know better. i like to keep it a mystery to her. my friend thats dating her best friend told me that she has asked him before if i like her at all. so thats good.

i know i could be out hooking up with other girls right now but im not into the whole cheating thing, especially with this girl cuz shes so sweet and such a good girl (im her first hookup). its not like i havent tried fingering her before. i have and she just smiled and pushed my hand away.

i get the feeling that she wants me to get closer to her before she gives me more than kissing. but i dont want to just commit myself to her yet cuz im trying to avoid oneitis. ive thought about just pretending i love her a little more than i actually do. would that be a good idea?? i think she is also afraid to lose me. i get the feeling that she gets paranoid that im gonna break up with her sometimes. i can tell because she will say sorry like 10 times whenever she cant hang out and then shell text me saying sorry right after.

all i really want is to wait about 6-8 months before i have sex with her because too soon and shes not trustworthy, but the linger i wait the more im gonna get sick of not getting any. so what do yall think??

 

[eko]

I had a girl EXACTLY like this. It went sort of like this. I didn't want to get oneitis for her. I didn't call her ALL the time, we didn't get to see eachother too often because of our schedules. Well, she started to 'love' me more... she would text me at night to see what I was up to, with a bunch of hearts and "I love you's" and stuff. I gave her what she 'wanted'. Hearts and I love you's, and I never even got to see her that much or hook up with her that much. Guess what... her interest level went down the drain. She basically broke up with me this morning.

 

[Plec07]

I got the exact same problem mate, although I'm less patient. Been going out with her just under 3 weeks and already I'm tired of just making out. I'm considering giving her an ultimatum on monday on either changing our relationship to an open relationship because she's such a great girl to hang around with, go further with me than making out, or just break it off.

I'm just tired of not getting any and still being faithful.

I'll let you know how my situation goes on monday and then you can decide to take the same path I'm doing.

 

[Supremo]

I just wanna stress what I'm sure you already know... and that theres a HUGE difference between how you act when you just wanna hook up with a girl and if you wanna have an actual relationship with her.

From what all 3 of you have said so far, it seems like you're just after the p u s s y and nothing else. Of course, a relationship can't advance much if there is no physical part to it, but really? Don't make getting laid your soul objective.

All of my friends who are in 6+ months relationships and had to wait 4-7 months before getting laid... 4-7!!! That's a long time when you think about it. You're making it sound like its up to YOU and only you when it's time to have sex.

A girl needs to feel secure, both emotionally and physically, before she'll put out that far (for a relationship, anyway). The thing is, all my friends who waited that long to get sex are getting it more than anyone I know!

The one thing that struck me as odd, Three3Kingz, is when you said your girlfriend asked your friend if you even liked her. C'mon man! No wonder she's not putting out!

You have to let her know you like her, without doing the whole "hearts and I Love Yous" as Eko put it. I have NEVER told a girl I loved her in a relationship because truthfully, I know that what I FEEL is love, really isn't. Then again, I've never been in a relationship that lasted over 6 months because I've realized that this is freakin HIGH SCHOOL.

High school is all about dating. My dad told me to date AS MUCH AS I CAN, but stay out of serious relationships if I can because they really only lead to disaster. Think about it, it's very RARE that a high school relationship blossoms into a marriage that lasts. Eventually you will break up, and it will leave you sad, heartbroken, and, as shown many times on this forum with people who have just come out of LTR's, out of their DJ game!

Now I am in no way saying don't try to USE girls to get some and not to have relationships. I'm just saying... be careful. You can be happy for a year but then the next will be ruined after a horrible break up.

If a girl is totally into you, and you are totally into her, then by all means, start a relationship. But NEVER... EVER... continuously put this girl before your guy friends. Sometimes it's cool to say "hey guys sorry, I'm hanging out with my girlfriend tonight..." but the more and more you do it, the less and less you're friends will want to hang out with you in the first place.

Which goes back to getting in relationships. If you kept it to FB's (or FWB if you aren't to that stage yet) there would be no real problem with keeping your guy friends close.

In conclusion, Three3Kingz, I'd seriously take time for you and your girl to get to know each other! Definitely don't fall into the oneitis scene, but let her know she's special. Remember, being an DJ isn't about being a jerk... it's okay to show your soft side every once in a while to girl. But not all the time, mind you.

Hope I helped some,
Outtie

 

[djweses89]

yes exactly also, have yall not had any convo about sex or anything, most girls i date the first time i have a good chance to talk to them on on the phone or net or w/e i end up findin about there whole sex life atlease what they dont lie to me about cus most girls lie when it comes to that, how long they like to wait before they do it, all kinds of things about her i learn and thats before even dating, and i do that so i don't get stuck in a situation like you guys wanting some from a girl thats a virgin or has had a bad experiance with sex and wants to wait 6 7 or 8 months before puttin out, because personaly i don't like jackin my **** for 7 months when i HAVE a g/f. I much rather have sex with her. and like the last guy said its high school long relationships arn't worth it unless your really into the girl and you don't care if you have to wait 6 months to have sex with her your just happy to be with her which is great but wait for that big break up where your gunna be sad as **** cus its prolly gunna happen.

 

[Three3Kingz]

thanks supremo that was good. funny thing is i was just thinking about maybe i should show some vulnerability to her, so i texted her telling her to get her ass home in a joking manner so she texted back saying "y u miss me!" so i said yes! but im okay. shes coming home saturday. i got to thinking last night why would a girl who before me never even hooked up with a guy want to put out at under 2 months lol.

if there is one thing i have it is the patience to wait a while for her to put out. sorry for making it sound like all i want is sex, because if that was the case i would not be dating her. im dating her because shes a real good girl who has her head on straight and i have 100% trust in her not to fvck around with me. id have a hard time cheating on any girl, but i would never in a million years think about cheating on her

the title of this thread is "i think she wants me to love her more" . and now that i think about it, i really havent done much to prove that i love her. i bought her a necklace when i went away, thats about all ive got for her, which isnt really a bad thing.

part of my problem is im honestly kind of afraid of getting too attached to this girl. and what has happened is i havent really done anything to really prove what she means to me. she means the world to me, but im afraid of letting her know anything near that because i kno better than to just hand myself to her.

 

[Supremo]

part of my problem is im honestly kind of afraid of getting too attached to this girl. and what has happened is i havent really done anything to really prove what she means to me. she means the world to me, but im afraid of letting her know anything near that because i kno better than to just hand myself to her.

Well you said yourself that you really liked this girl... but just make sure you don't throw yourself all out there at once.

I forget who said it first, so please give props to whatever genius it was, but your attraction for girl can be measured like volume of music. Too much at once, and you'll annoy her and scare her away. You have to slowly increase the amount of attention you give her (speaking in terms of a relationship) until she feels comfortable with you.

i texted her telling her to get her ass home in a joking manner so she texted back saying "y u miss me!" so i said yes!

This was probably the most killer move you've ever done in the relationship. If previously you had been indifferent towards her, not really showing too much emotion... now you're letting her know, still in a manly way, that you want to see her. Good job with this one.

Just make sure you don't WUSSIFY over her. Just because she reacted well to one nice thing you did doesn't mean you need to turn back into Mr. Nice Guy (if you ever were one). One of the big things I've learned from this forum is that YOU, the guy, are the prize. Not her. She has to work to get YOUR attention.

Really man, it sounds like you and this girl could get real serious real soon. Best of luck to you,
Outtie

 

[Three3Kingz]

thanks supremo for the advice. ill prolly call her tomorro night if she doesnt call me at some point tomorrow and then ill post

 

[Three3Kingz]

okay just to update on how things are going. they arent. heres what happened.

when she got back from her trip on saturday 2 weeks ago we hung out the next night and went to the playground and had a blast. we sat watching the sun set over the lake and it was awesome.

...then things went downhill like a rock. we didnt talk for the next 2 days. then she called me one night at 1030 and i missed it so i called her the next day. she said she was going to new hampshire for the weekend and i could come over sunday if she got home early enough.

she didnt call sunday. so i called her monday. she didnt call back. so i called her tuesday morning. she didnt call me til that night. and we talked for a minute or two. i told her id call her before i went into work the next day. she didnt answer when i called her before work.

she didnt call me back til the next day, which was thursday night. and she said "we need to talk". so she told me that she thinks that we should stop going out because "we have nothing in common". she said she still wants to hang out because she likes me still.

we talked for 5 minutes and i told her that it was stupid to just give up that early because we have way too much fun together to do this. i told her stuff like i could be out with other girls but im sacrificing that because i really like her. and she was aware of that she said.

another key thing she said was that we never have any deep conversations. all we do is just fool around and do small talk. she told me i could come over today around noon and we could talk.

so she called me today and she couldnt have me over because of her sisters dance recital. she just told me will talk later.

so here i am now. in my mind weve broken up. im not gonna kid myself on that. i dont know what shes thinking. i just cant understand how we can go from having a blast together to breaking up in less than 2 weeks. we have always had good times together. it makes no sense to me why she would just jump to breaking out without having a long talk about whats going on.

how should i handle her when she calls me again? ive already deleted her number from my phone and stuff because i kno its just gonna bother me if i try and hold onto her.

im not gonna be the one to call her. so how do i handle it when she calls?? do i just say i agree and let it go and break up?? but i refuse to be "just friends" with her and just hang out. we are either dating, or not speaking. it will just make me angry if we are just friends. should i criticize her on the phone for being so quick to give up??

overall i am pretty upset about how this happened so quickly. i never expected to break up with her that quickly. i could tell things were going downhill when we werent talking. i even wanted to break up with her when i was at work wednesday night and she wasnt calling back. i knew there was a problem. but even i hesitated becuase it seemed rediculous to do that because we had a lot of fun together.

anyways, u get the idea of whats going on?? any ideas??

 

[Three3Kingz]

okay just to update on how things are going. they arent. heres what happened.

when she got back from her trip on saturday 2 weeks ago we hung out the next night and went to the playground and had a blast. we sat watching the sun set over the lake and it was awesome.

...then things went downhill like a rock. we didnt talk for the next 2 days. then she called me one night at 1030 and i missed it so i called her the next day. she said she was going to new hampshire for the weekend and i could come over sunday if she got home early enough.

she didnt call sunday. so i called her monday. she didnt call back. so i called her tuesday morning. she didnt call me til that night. and we talked for a minute or two. i told her id call her before i went into work the next day. she didnt answer when i called her before work.

she didnt call me back til the next day, which was thursday night. and she said "we need to talk". so she told me that she thinks that we should stop going out because "we have nothing in common". she said she still wants to hang out because she likes me still.

we talked for 5 minutes and i told her that it was stupid to just give up that early because we have way too much fun together to do this. i told her stuff like i could be out with other girls but im sacrificing that because i really like her. and she was aware of that she said.

another key thing she said was that we never have any deep conversations. all we do is just fool around and do small talk. she told me i could come over today around noon and we could talk.

so she called me today and she couldnt have me over because of her sisters dance recital. she just told me will talk later.

so here i am now. in my mind weve broken up. im not gonna kid myself on that. i dont know what shes thinking. i just cant understand how we can go from having a blast together to breaking up in less than 2 weeks. we have always had good times together. it makes no sense to me why she would just jump to breaking up without having a long talk about whats going on.

how should i handle her when she calls me again? ive already deleted her number from my phone and stuff because i kno its just gonna bother me if i try and hold onto her.

im not gonna be the one to call her. so how do i handle it when she calls?? do i just say i agree and let it go and break up?? but i refuse to be "just friends" with her and just hang out. we are either dating, or not speaking. it will just make me angry if we are just friends. should i criticize her on the phone for being so quick to give up??

overall i am pretty upset about how this happened so quickly. i never expected to break up with her that quickly. i could tell things were going downhill when we werent talking. i even wanted to break up with her when i was at work wednesday night and she wasnt calling back. i knew there was a problem. but even i hesitated becuase it seemed rediculous to do that because we had a lot of fun together.

anyways, u get the idea of whats going on?? any ideas??

 

[I.A.F.Y.B.]

Forget get about this chick. I don't know how old you 2 are but, I would not even wait a month till I could start banging some b!tch. Don't talk to her anymore unless she contacts you. There are plenty of other women willing and able.

 

[rottweiler_273]

do me a favour?
Get the **** outta that relationship....I think its wise

from what i read which was 2/3 maybe

 

[Three3Kingz]

well today im feeling pretty good. ive made up my mind already that shes gone and not coming back lol. everything that happens is part of God's plan and we werent meant to be together. so im moving on :rockon: