when you ask "where do we stand' that tells her that YOU don't know where YOU stand.
if you are going to go down that road its better to say something like "I'm really starting to feel quite commited to this relationship. what about you?"
then she thinks " he knows what he wants, and now he wants to know what i want. oh man, i better figure out what i want, cuz he's going to get pissed if i give him some wishy washy answer. I could lose this guy if i don't step up to the plate."
you ask "where do we stand" she thinks "great, this guy is totally dependent on me. I've got all the time in the world to figure out whether i really want more from this relationship. I'll let him know when im good and ready"
you know what i'd do at this point. I'd tell say to her "listen, in past relationships i've done the whole - where do we stand thing before really knowing where i stand. So I think we should probably take it easy, maybe see other people, and see where we stand in a few months. I'm trying to be more independent, and I almost fell into the trap of giving a part of my independence away."
this will make her think "sh*t, what happened. he was afc one day, now he's got balls and is saying he can live without me."
it also lets her know that when you screw up, it may give her the upper hand in the short term, but that you've got the balls to fix your mistakes. that way if things continue with you two, she'll know that even when the opportunity presents itself to take advantage of you, she shouldn't, because it will come back to haunt her.
J
