I Think I Just Realized How Ridiculous One-Itis Is

[NewAndImproved]

Not an amazing weekend. Things were going well w/this girl. Definitely digging me. But then I started over thinking it. I went up to a get together at her friends and just froze up. Then I beat myself up over it. Then, instead of continuing to feel bad, I did something about it. Called her up, simply said I was out of it and made future plans for this week. She still seemed interested. Hopefully I can fix it.

But in the larger sense, I just realized how ridiculous it was that I was putting all this pressure on myself. First of all, I knew and was going after her friend first. I never even paid this current girl any special attention. I guess I thought she was somewhat attractive but I wasn't in awe of her. But when her friend wasn't feeling me and I spent the night dancing w/this girl, suddenly I was interested. I chilled w/her a couple of times and then started looking at facebook photos of her regularly. She suddenly became "hot." Don't get me wrong, she's definitely cute and a good personality but WTF. It's so illogical. Just 2 weeks ago, I didn't even care about her.

I know there's a difference between knowing this and assimilating it but hopefully w/this new concept in my mind I'll be ok w/this girl and others in the future.

 

[Halloween]

You are so right, man. I'll share my story of one-itis's illogical nature.

I developed a mild interest in this girl (Adrienne, if you're reading my log) in summer. I had to re-initiate contact with her because I hadn't spoken to her in years, so I used facebook. I kept it light, funny, with the eventual goal of dating her if she seemed right.

Then I was at a live concert and met another girl (Laura) who I knew from way back. We dance like fools, then a slow number comes on and I said: "want to dance?" and she falls into me like it was the middleschool prom or some **** and I'm like "all... right" but it was hard swaying with her because I was pretty drunk.

Laura is hot. So I tell her we have to get together. She says "OK. But I'm going out of town to finish my job in Town X, and then I'm on vacation for two weeks, so it'll be 3 weeks until I see you next." I was so into her I was like yeah okay! We'll just email each other til then.

I cut contact with Adrienne. Laura is hotter, and I don't want to be ungentlemanly and pull two girls at once (fyi, I was an idiot).

3 weeks is a long time for a pretty girl who's looking for a relationship to stay single. Needless to say, she didn't last even one week (but only told me a few days before our planned rendezvous).

All of a sudden Adrienne's back in the picture. She's so aloof and flighty (she is after all a bit young) and it is through that kind of behaviour that she manages to sow the seeds of one-itis. "The Unattainable." Where previously she barely made second place! What the hell is that??!

Fortunately my emotional detachment is improving lately, and I credit this site to a large extent.

 

[D_Master]

I agree, if you aren't w/ anyone then having this idea that "1 girl" will be the cure for all of life's woes is ridiculous. If you arent w/ someone you have no idea how you would vibe with them or how they are within a relationship, its just impossible to know a lot of things that are crucial to making a relationship work.
Now where I feel I have screwed up is in being able to commit to a girl once I think she is LTR material. I dont know I guess I'm afraid to commit, but it hurts sometimes to think of a couple girls I have pushed away.