I should be burned in DJ hell

[DonJohn]

Well

Why should I?

Let me start with this.... A year o so ago, I was on my best DJ's year, picking up girls left and right and playing the game "the right" way... you know, playing hard to get, being a nice smart ass, having fun making them think like THEY are the ones hitting on me and all that good stuff... One of this girls that I f*** is my current girlfriend. I did exactly as I learned on this website, play hard to get, be a gentleman but don't be Mr. nice, etc... Needless to say I had sex with her the second night and SHE was almost beggin me to do her.
That was the first and second time... then I heard the "I'm confused" and "I've never did this before" line... I didn't believe her so the next time I was playing hard to get... she was getting all exicted when I was touching her breast and the I came up with an smart ass comment about me playing hard to get...she stopped and then she left.
That was the last time a banged her for a while... I kept doing my thing, but we stayed in touch, I tried to invite her over so I could have sex with her again but she was running away from me... however our conversations were long and pleasant... she mention a couple of time that she was trying to avoid the attraction but she thought I was too much of a materialistic player for her...
Later, she became single again, I felt kind of alone and in need of a "real" relationship, real meaning that I wanted a woman that I can love. I found that she was the type of girl that I was looking for and this time I approached her without the game... or at least not too much game... A few week laters we hooked up and now she is my girlfriend. I think I'm in love with her but after reading this site again, I found that I'm doing all the wrong things with her... I'm being myself, honest, I show her that I love her, blah blah blah ... but now I'm confused... I acted from my heart and now she is my girlfriend and I can feel that she loves me too... BUT what if by acting as Mr nice guy, she finds another DJ's or just get tired and I loose her. I said I should burn in DJ hell cause I told her a lot of the tactics that I used with other women to show her how I'm being real with her... I'm also afraid of acting like I did before and then loose her as I already did....
I really love this girl and I don't wanna loose her...HELP!!!

 

[MetalFortress]

Don't worry. As long as you aren't giving her your balls and letting her run your life, you're good to go. The "rules" go out the window in the LTR.

 

[comic_relief]

Going through the same thing...

Originally posted by DonJohn
Well

Why should I?

Let me start with this.... A year o so ago, I was on my best DJ's year, picking up girls left and right and playing the game "the right" way... you know, playing hard to get, being a nice smart ass, having fun making them think like THEY are the ones hitting on me and all that good stuff... On e of this girls that I f*** is my current girlfriend. I did exactly as I learned on this website, play hard to get, be a gentleman but don't be Mr. nice, etc... Needless to say I had sex with her the second night and SHE was almost beggin me to do her.
That was the first and second time... then I heard the "I'm confused" and "I've never did this before" line... I didn't believe her so the next time I was playing hard to get... she was getting all exicted when I was touching her breast and the I came up with an smart ass comment about me playing hard to get...she stopped and then she left.
That was the last time a banged her for a while... I kept doing my thing, but we stayed in touch, I tried to invite her over so I could have sex with her again but she was running away from me... however our conversations were long and pleasant... she mention a couple of time that she was trying to avoid the attraction but she thought I was too much of a materialistic player for her...
Later, she became single again, I felt kind of alone and in need of a "real" relationship, real meaning that I wanted a woman that I can love. I found that she was the type of girl that I was looking for and this time I approached her without the game... or at least not too much game... A few week laters we hookek up and now she is my girlfriend. I think I'm in love with her but after reading this site I found that I'm doing all the wrong things with her... I'm being myself, honest, I show her that I love her, blah blah blah ... but now I'm confused... I acted from my heart and now she is my girlfriend and I can feel that she loves me too... BUT what if by acting as Mr nice guy, she finds another DJ's or just get tired and I loose her. I said I should burn in DJ hell cause I told her a lot of the tactics that I used with other women and how I'm being real with her... I'm also afraid of acting like I did before and then loose her as I already did....
I really love this girl and I on't wanna loose her...HELP!!!

I am going through the same thing and almost lost her in the first couple weeks because I was using the rules like a friggen wall. This this and this must happen before this happen. The rules are bullsh!t and are to be done away with in an LTLDR or just an LTR. As long as you don't give up your balls like Metalfortress said you will do fine.

Whenever I read some of the posts on here, I will get angry because I dislike the old player mindset that I used to own but I do enjoy being with her. I just play my cards right and I wil do fine.

Good luck and you are not alone in this.

 

[quest]

I was in a similar situation.

Except I was in "pretend love" where i was caught in the moment and for the first 2-3 months, i felt like i loved her, and i loved spending time with her and all that jazz.

Pretty soon I had no time to myself, and other parts of my life were suffering.. it took me a further 5 months before I was able to break up with her. - sad I know.

But I learnt a hell of alot because of it.

I've been single since December last year, and by no means am I looking at getting another girlfriend.

Whats this got to do with you?

I told her alot of the DJ stuff aswell as doing it with her. I was fun, thoughtful, without ever being OVERLY AFC.

Its been 9 and a half months since I ended our 8 month relationship and she still gets in contact with me weekly, and continually wants to catch up. Even though i've been cutting her off on every attempt for the last 7 months.

Is your girl the same as this? I have no idea. But by no means are you doomed.

You have realised you're setting yourself up for a fall. So take a step back.

Tell her you need a little more time to yourself and use it to do things you like, rather then watching tv and ****, go to gym or see your best mates. etc.

Things will begin making more sense.

And your relationship will improve.

 

[thederekeffect1]

First of all, this isn't to piss anyone off, but you guys aren't players and never were. Don Juan? Maybe. Player? No. The first rule in the true players handbook is to never fall in love. There is no such thing as Long Term Relationships. A true player is a player for life because he knows something that most men don't want to know. It's not the pride speaking when a player says hes a player for life... It's something he knows. The secret.

I just wanted to clear that up. I see so many people talking about being players and than using the word "love" or "relationship" in the same post. It doesn't work that way.

Secondly, I may be the worst person to go to when it comes to actual relationship advice (considering every relationship I've been in ended badly and my current lifestyle), but I do know what you are going through. I've had the feelings before. That's what lead me to this.

I don't know much, but I know a few things about long term relationships. "Set her free. If she loves you, she'll come back". So, number one: Let her go. Let her do her own thing for a little while and you can do your own thing for a little while. And if it was meant to be, she'll be back. Number two: I know you don't want to lose her. There's three ways to look at this. A) "Sense when does man have any clue what he wants?" - The Bible. B) Sacrifice. You may want something that she doesn't want. You may have to give that up so that she can be happy. and C) You can't always have everything that you want. I'm sure you learned that while you were out using your techniques on women. Sometimes there really were women that you just couldn't have. No matter how many tricks you used to pursue her into liking you. But you just moved on and didnt let it bother you.

 

[squirrels]

Here we find the classic "Chinese Finger Trap of Don Juan-ism".

The more you worry about her leaving you for another guy, the more likely she is to do it.

The less worthy you feel, the less worthy you ARE.

Unfortunately, you can't be TOLD "feel worthy" and suddenly your whole mindset will change. It doesn't work that way. You have to BE worthy to FEEL worthy.

So why don't you tell us why you don't feel like you deserve this girl.

 

[Wyldfire]

Your goal is a LTR...and the rules change for a LTR. If you don't show her that you love her you'll lose her. Dealing with a LTR is much simpler than playing the field...less rules and not so much work.

Don't go overboard with the attention and affection...too much will eventually suffocate her. You should only give her the amount her behavior shows that she needs. If she is creating any conflict, chaos, drama or testing you, then she's doing it to force you to give her attention because she's not getting what she needs. If she starts to pull away, you're overdosing her with affection. Keep the right balance here...it's important.

Be responsible and reliable without becoming too predictible. Do things to surprise her (not gifts usually...just behaviors) and keep her guessing.

If you do those two things you should be fine.

 

[DonJohn]

Reply

"Here we find the classic "Chinese Finger Trap of Don Juan-ism".
The more you worry about her leaving you for another guy, the more likely she is to do it.
The less worthy you feel, the less worthy you ARE.
Unfortunately, you can't be TOLD "feel worthy" and suddenly your whole mindset will change. It doesn't work that way. You have to BE worthy to FEEL worthy.
So why don't you tell us why you don't feel like you deserve this girl"

Well actually I do believe I deserve this girl, I consider myself worthy...everything is working great but is a fairly new relationship of 2 months. My dilemma is... ok it's working up to know by reducing "the game"... but what if it doesn't later on. However, I agree 100% with you, if you worry about her leaving too much she will, and thanks for the advice cause I find myself acting jealous, something that I've never done before... my ex-girlfriend though I didn't cherish her because I was not Jealous at all ... So I guess what I'm gonna do is keep it real and like someone else said on this post, don't over-do it... just keep myself in check to make sure I don't bore her to death and keep surprising her... Thanks to all of you for the advice and I'm open for feedback...

 

[Docs]

mmm...you know what you have, you know what you want, LIVE IT.

 

[DonJohn]

mmm...you know what you have, you know what you want, LIVE IT.

Nice and simple advice... thanks