I saw the MOST pathetic display tonight.

[cactus3178]

Good God. I'm so glad I found this site for so many reasons.

I was chilling at the bar tonight, going over some sh*t with a co-worker (HB 8, btw, but I know better, hehe), and I couldn't help but notice this poor f*cker across the bar just embarrasing the hell out of himself.

He was a clean cut guy, business man type, he didn't look drunk or anything, obviously had money....but this guy was exceptionally horrible with the ladies. He was quite obviously bothering this poor chick..literally begging her for her number.....asking her for a kiss. She wouldnt even let him buy her a drink!

This dude was NOT joking. It was like watching a car crash in slow motion, I almost wanted to close my eyes, it was that bad. You know how it is? You know you shouldn't stare, but you can't f*cking help it?!

One he pretty much scared her out of the bar, he moved in on my bartender friend (HB 7-8, blond, boobs, gets alot of attention, etc)...what a nightmare. She finally ejected his ass when he couldn't take the 5th or 6th hint.

I guess I don't have a point, but man, I wouldn't trade a million dollars to have that guys mindset.

I seriously thought about going over and having a chat with him, but wtf, it probably would have just pissed him off.

 

[I-am-someone]

Actually, just go over to him, tell him he needs help and you know how he could get it. Tell him to write down his email address so you can send him a nice list of things he should study to improve his game.

Unless it's a total ******* he'll probably be grateful for it.

 

[dietzcoi]

I disagree. Die-hard chumps do not want to be told they have a problem. You will just get into a fight... they will think you are insulting them.

We even have die-hard chumps on this site who should know better but won't listen. Don't bother trying to help a stranger.

Dietzcoi

 

[I-am-someone]

They may not like being told that they have a problem, but they do know they have a problem, and they haven't got a clue what to do about it.

Don't be afraid to handle problems, even if they're not your own. Problems are there to be dealt with, if I know a way to solve someone's problems I believe I should at least give them the opportunity to solve it themselves. In the end, those 30 seconds you spent may or may not change the next 30 years of someone else's life.

 

[cactus3178]

You know, honestly, it sounds weird because seriously, if I wouldn't have found this site for whatever sequence of events that made me type those keywords I did, I'd probably still be the miserable bastard I was 6 months ago.


When I first came here, I was looking for solutions to a problem that I had, but eventually realized that I was looking from the wrong side.

My problems were a product of my inabilty to stand on my own and be a man, and to not deal with BS.

And now, it sucks to see people make the same mistakes I did before

 

[Jariel]

Sounds like the Gunwitch method to me. He was probably just waiting for the "ho to say 'no'".

Seriously, I see guys like this all the time. I know some guys who have a reputation for hitting on dozens of women per night and they make themselves look desperate. Seeing guys like this is one of the reasons I don't approach without signals.

 

[biker_gixxer]

Sounds like the Gunwitch method to me.

LMAO!

I know what you mean bro. It's funny how you start to see what other guys are doing wrong once you've been 'enlightened'. I do it all the time.

I was out at a bar the other night and I was watching this guy acting sooooo nervous around this girl. I don't know if it was the first date or what but you would think he was on a job interview. He kept looking around, shifting his weight around, playing with crap on the Bar (ash tray, napkin, etc.). She was the one that was being cool, laid back and having a good time. Pretty funny.

 

[Phoenix_of_the_ashes]

No actually I think those guys who do nothing are more pathetic, even if this guy has no clue wht hes doing, at least hes doing something.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

I had a similar experience about 3 months ago. I was changing jobs and my co-workers were giving me a send off party at fairly swank restaurant/bar. Our publicist (HB7) had brought along 2 friends from out of town to this party and my co-worker buddy had brought a couple of his friends (who I knew), one of which I'll call 'No-Game James'. One of theses friends of our publicist was at least a Reno, HB8 (can't remember her name), and was giving me AIs since she met me that night. I'm married so I wasn't actively persuing her - which I think she picked up on and made her try harder - but James was trying to work her that night. We call him No-Game James because he is like this other guy, a slow-motion train wreck with women. He hit this girl with everything, lame jokes, blatant attempts to identify with any info this girl was cornered into giving him, he basically became one of her girlfriends in the course of their brief conversations - James ran the gamut of everything counter proiductive to his approach.

I pulled James to the side, bought him a drink and said, "My friend, you are all over the place with this girl. You can forget it with her, but come with me and listen to what I say." I then go over to her, while she's talking with her girlfriends and she basically cuts them off to focus on me. And like a Jedi Master I listen to her cues, let her drool out enough info to direct the conversation and I have this chick eating out of my hand in under 10 minutes. I have no doubt I could've tapped this girl that night if I was single. I made sure James overheard my entire dialogue and then went over it with him later that evening.

I will say I have the advantage of wisdom in my favor. I've been married 8.5 years and I have a good understanding of what women seek attention for. I was a bit older than this girl, she was 25 and I'm 36. Not that age came up in the conversation, but I was observant of her behavior with me and I knew she was aware that I was more mature - certainly more than James!- and she had just had a healthy dose of immature only 10 minutes prior. I was changing jobs to an employer where I travel a bit and am making substantially more money as well and I know this was apparent to her from the nature of my send off party. I picked up on similarities I could work in on; she was from a city that I had lived in for a year and I played that to my advantage by recalling landmarks and clubs and such that we were both familiar with thus putting her at ease with me.

I noticed at least 13 rookie mistakes James made in his 45 minute conversation with this chick. I can't fault the guy for trying as hard as he did, he simply had no understanding of how to go about it. What's funny is I used to be a 'No-Game' too and I it was an interesting study to see how I would've gone about hitting on this girl and what I know now. It was a stark contrast in confidence. Not confidence as in C&F stuff, but really knowing I could get this girl if I wanted to with what I've come to understand at 36. In fact I wouldn't even call it 'hitting' on her as much as it was casually, subtley, guiding her in the direction of my choosing.

The following day our publicist called me to tell me how attracted this girl was too me and it was too bad I was married and how she thought my wife was lucky. What's too bad is my wife will never fully appreciate this, but she makes up fot it in other ways, heheh,...

 

[AFK Protector]

Originally posted by I-am-someone
Actually, just go over to him, tell him he needs help and you know how he could get it. Tell him to write down his email address so you can send him a nice list of things he should study to improve his game.

Unless it's a total ******* he'll probably be grateful for it.

then he'll be like that doctor movie...what's his face Will Smith being Kirk or whatever.

 

[Fenderules]

that is pretty bad.

 

[I-am-someone]

What, AFK? No idea what you're talking about.

As for you, Rollo Tomassi, I have been in similar situations lately. I actually threatened to kick one of my friends' ass if he didn't go up to a girl and talk to her. Unfortunatly he didn't play it right and just made himself the most unattractive AFC possible, but at least he learnt a lot from it.

I've read this on this board several times, but not often enough. I believe you should be a mentor, a teacher, someone people can look up and a guide to people. Don't just let them fvck around and laugh as they do so, tell them what you think they should do. They will often be grateful to you for it, their life will often improve and it will also make people owe you for helping them.
Ofcourse, you shouldn't tell people who are absolutely unwilling to listen. This however is usually solved by showing them how it is done, making them look at you as an authority on a certain subject. I unfortunatly am not yet an authority on the subject of being a DJ, so I don't usually guide people with that all that often. However, I do like giving people the "positive" perspective on life, for which they are usually very grateful.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

SOMEONE: It's a fine line convincing a person of an altruistic desire to help them in this respect and coming off as having a desire to consistently be correct. I spend time on this BBS because I genuinely want to help young (and old) men avoid the common mistakes of my past and what I can see from my vantage point now, but this desire could just as easily be considered as a need to find affirmation and be correct. Only I really know I suppose,..

 

[I-am-someone]

Personally, I believe I have the full intention of helping people and not the intention to be right. I am right most of the time when helping, but that is because I only help on subjects that I actually know something about. I was tought by my parents that a true scientist has an open mind to all posibilities, not just the ones that he knows. This is a very important factor in the way I deal with people, as it means I look at every other possibility thrown at me by someone else like a real possibility.

But let me tell you an example. Two weeks ago a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend after having been with her for a month. I had been following the conversation between them trying to figure out what exactly was wrong, but had come to the conclusion that the girl wasn't telling the whole truth, either because she didn't know it or because she didn't think he could handle the truth.
Then, one night I went out to the bar they usually go out to, and it turned out that both of them were there. The girlfriend was there, somewhat depressed, as was the boyfriend, who was drinking himself into the gutter.
Seeing as I liked both of these people, I just decided to start poking around, actually flirting innocently with his girlfriend so she would come to trust me a bit more, but no... she didn't tell me anything. Then it hit me, she didn't have anything to tell. Her sister (who likes me a lot) then started to talk to her, telling her she should dance and have fun. Somehow, the conversation turned around and she started telling about all of her problems. I listened, for about 3 sentences and then started my great "Be positive, be happy, live your life while you can!" speach. For almost 15 minutes, I was yelling at her, she was crying because everything I said made sense but it was a new attitude and would require her leaving a great part of her current lifestyle behind.

The next day, the boyfriend messages me on MSN, telling me how he's friends with her again, and how her sister was really impressed by what I did and that the girl was doing a lot of new things, getting parts of her life back in order...


Hearing things like that is what makes helping out worth it. To know you changed someone's life for the better in just 15 minutes, is worth it all to me.

 

[Bonhomme]

helping DHCs

Some interesting stories and points of view here.

Dietzcoi wrote:

Die-hard chumps do not want to be told they have a problem. You will just get into a fight... they will think you are insulting them

Perhaps, but -- depending upon their demeanor -- it's worthwhile to have a go anyway. There was one guy who went to a club night I was a semi-regular at, and was giving me his tales of woe regarding women. I told him about this site, gave him the link, etc., and told him to be more positive in general, but when I next ran into him he said he hadn't checked it out.

But there was some hope for him, because he made some pretty ballsy, assertive attempts. Last I saw him, he was still pretty much a loner.

So, have a go if you will, but it's ultimately up to them to make the leap. A real die-hard chump would probably resist good advice to the end. Probably a brain scan would pick up such a tendency.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Originally posted by Phoenix_of_the_ashes
No actually I think those guys who do nothing are more pathetic, even if this guy has no clue wht hes doing, at least hes doing something.

Exactly what I was thinking. At least he's trying. Sure, he's making an ass out of himself, but I'll give him credit for having balls. If he just learned not to act like a loser, he would probably do quite well with the ladies.

 

[I-am-someone]

Well, before I send out a wrong message, there is a big difference between coaching someone with their life and holding someone's hand while doing things.

People need to figure stuff out by their own, or they won't figure them out. You can't guide someone every step along the way, you need to guide them in figuring everything out by themself. This is called coaching. Most people on here are being coached, but a lot of people are just looking for someone to hold their hand, which are usually the people that aren't really getting it.

My mom did a 6 month course on coaching people and after that she told me that I am a natural coach to everybody around me (although I do still have a lot to learn). I don't exactly know the theory, nor do I really know what I'm doing right, so don't look at me as an authority on coaching. I do however know that in the event that you are willing to help people, coaching is the most effective long term approach and I believe there should definitely be more focus on this way of helping people on these boards.

 

[Jariel]

Originally posted by biker_gixxer It's funny how you start to see what other guys are doing wrong once you've been 'enlightened'. I do it all the time.

Yes, it always helps to see other people comitting your mistakes. It shows you how pathetic you must look to others when you're the one comitting them.

But it's not only the AFC mistakes. Sometimes it's the counter-AFC mistakes that are the worst. Some of the scenarios that make me cringe most involve the persistent guys who can't take a hint. The guy is so wrapped up in his own ego he's the only person who doesn't see the woman isn't interested and it nearly always ends with him being told to "f*ck off!" (or worse).